Turning Tables
by Jinxgirl
Summary: AU story. Santana and Adriana Lopez, twin sisters, are orphaned at age four and raised by their strict abuela. As both girls come to terms with their sexualities in different ways, they come into themselves and their relationships to others and to each other.
1. Chapter 1

Author notes: This is an AU rp in an alternate universe. Santana has a twin named Adriana who the story mainly focuses on, but other characters in Glee will be featured prominently.

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone but Adriana Lopez.

Adriana Lopez was four years old when her parents died.

She guessed, when she thought about it, that most people would say that something so terrible would be the defining moment of her life. They were probably right; even though it had happened twelve years ago, three quarters of her life time, she still remembered very clearly what had happened on the day that she and her sister were told. The saddest part to her now, though, was that she couldn't imagine very clearly what might have been different in her life, if her parents had lived. Four years wasn't a very long time to be able to build up many memories, and between what few things Adriana and her twin sister Santana could recall, the picture they added up to was pretty blurry.

Santana remembered that when Adriana got scared at night and would leave the room to go sleep with their parents, their father would come to bring Santana into the bed as well, or else their mother would leave their room to go lie the rest of the night with Santana, so she wouldn't have to wake up alone. Adriana remembered a silly song that their father would sing to them when he gave them a bath, and they both remembered being read stories at night and getting an exactly equal number of kisses. Santana remembered the silly faces that their father would make, and Adriana remembered how her mother's eyes crinkled up when she smiled.

But even between the two of them, their memories added up to only vague shadows of people instead of coherent wholes. Sometimes Adriana thought that this was worse, to have only partial memories that made her ache for more, than if she could remember nothing at all. They knew just enough to make them curious, just enough to make them want to know the rest. Or at least, that's how she felt; Santana grew impatient and irritable whenever she talked about it, but she knew her sister, and she suspected that the immediate grumpiness she always showed at the topic meant that Santana felt the same way, but found it too hard to talk about.

They couldn't have asked their abuela for more information. Alma Lopez had raised them, this was true, and though they grew up in Lima Heights, an area of Lima that well deserved its poor reputation, they had never wanted for anything physical or material that they needed- at least, nothing that was essential. Their abuela had neither youth nor money on her side, but she had done her duty by her granddaughters as she saw fit, and they couldn't fault her that. Especially since she so frequently reminded them.

Long ago they had learned the line of what she was and was not willing or able to give them. Sentimentality, affection, praise, and flexibility were all on the list of things the twins knew not to expect, and on that list as well was information to questions she considered foolish or unnecessary. Learning more about their parents was considered both to her.

The past was in the past, their abuela told them. It was silly to moon over what could not be changed. Best to move forward with life and get done with things that needed to be done instead of wonder and worry over people long gone.

The past might be over, but for Adriana, it was never quite gone. After all, it was a piece of her and her sister both; how could it ever truly be over?

Then again, Adriana had also learned that there were pieces of both her and her sister that Alma Lopez would never be able to accept. And their past was nothing compared to their present.

88

"It's time to wake up, girls," their abuela's curt voice greeted them, piercing the remnants of Adriana's morning dreams. "Dress and come into the kitchen for breakfast, please."

She didn't linger in the doorway to make certain that her granddaughters complied. Although they were only four years old, it was expected of them by her that compliance would never even be a question. For Adriana, this was true; naturally eager to please, she rolled over in the twin bed of her abuela's guest room, rubbing at her eyes with chubby fists and yawning. For her sister Santana, compliance was not only questionable, but sometimes out of the question entirely.

This morning was no exception. Little Santana entirely ignored her abuela's direction, instead burrowing further beneath her blanket to form a small lump beneath. Adriana shook her in the direction of what she assumed to be her shoulder, calling her sister's name.

"Sanny. Sanny, 'Buela said we gotta get up. Didn't you hear her?"

"Don't wanna. It's early. No," Santana grumbled into her pillow, curling even more tightly into a ball. When Adriana shook her again, she kicked out at her beneath the covers, hitting her foot.

"Hey!" Adriana cried, indignant. She slipped out of bed, hands on her hips, and stuck her lower lip out at her sister, pouting. "That was mean. Mami and Papi say you can't kick."

"Don't care," her sister growled, not emerging from the blankets.

Still pouting a little, Adriana started to dress herself, calling out again to her sister as she struggled to pull up her pants.

"'Buela is gonna be mad at you if you don't come. She said come and she's gonna be mad. Maybe you won't even get breakfast."

That got Santana's attention as none of her earlier tactics had. The little girl definitely loved her food, and she did not like the thought of being denied it, even if she did have to get up for it earlier than she was pleased about in order to avoid this. With a muffled growl, she shoved back the covers, revealing a rather tousled head of wavy black hair, and pushed her legs over the bed's edge, still glaring as she too started to dress. Pleased with herself, Adriana finished, and already in a forgiving mood, held her hand out for her sister to take.

"Come on. Maybe we get pancakes!"

To her disappointment, there were no pancakes at the table, only oatmeal and toast. Adriana ate it nonetheless, knowing how her abuela was not happy with little girls who didn't eat what was put before them. She was surprised when the woman didn't comment on Santana's grumpy expression, her messy hair, or how she poked at the oatmeal with her spoon instead of eating it. In fact, the woman was barely looking at them at all, and she didn't seem to be eating her own food either. No sooner had Adriana finished her last bite and Santana shoved her own bowl away did she clear her throat, jerking her head towards the living room.

"Go in there and sit down, girls. We have a matter to discuss this morning."

Adriana gave Santana a wide eyed glance, curious. Maybe she was going to get in trouble after all. Maybe she knew that they didn't wash their hands before eating. Or maybe she had a surprise for them and was going to do something fun. Hopeful of this last possibility, Adriana nearly skipped into the living room, sitting down on the loveseat and swinging her legs over the side of the couch. Santana followed more slowly, looking up at her abuela with a more wary expression.

Many possibilities had occurred to Adriana, but in none of them did she expect her abuela to clear her throat, look at them without any emotion visibly showing on her face, and tell them that their parents, on their way back home last night from their date together, had been in a car accident and died. Never would she have expected that she would never go home, never see her parents again, and that she and Santana would now live with and be taken care of by an abuela that neither particularly enjoyed spending time with.

Even twelve years later, Adriana remembered how Santana's small body had gone rigid beside hers, how her face had froze before dissolving into hysterical tears. She remembered how her own mind had been awash with confusion, how she had asked her abuela questions over and over that the woman had mostly not answered. She remembered hugging Santana to try to calm her down, but still being at a loss as to why her sister was so sad.

She wasn't sad, not then, not right away. It took longer than that first morning to really understand how everything had been changed. And once she realized just how much it had, Adriana didn't like it. Not one bit.

All she wanted was to have her mami and her papi come back and get her, because even though her abuela was her abuela and mami always told her abuela loved her, Adriana thought that her abuela did not like her at all. She just wanted to go back to her mami and her papi and do everything just like they were supposed to, but her abuela said that this was where she and Santana lived now and this was the way they did things, and that was that. Adriana didn't understand why though. It seemed very bad and very wrong to her, and even though she loved her abuela she did not love her like her mami or her papi, and she did not understand why they couldn't just come back already and she and Santana could stay in their own house.

"Your mother and father are with the Lord now," Abuela explained to her.

Adriana did not like how her abuela's voice was not soft and gentle like her mami's and how she did not smile very much like her papi. She always thought that her abuela was mad at her when she talked to her and she did not know why. She tried hard to be good for her, but it seemed to her like her abuela always thought she was bad anyway.

"Well why can't they go away from the Lord and come back with me and 'Tana?" she had asked, but her abuela had just shook her head at her, pursing her lips.

"That is what happens when you die, Adriana, if you know the Lord. You go to be with him forever. I intend to raise you and your sister both in such a way that you will also go to be with the Lord when your time comes."

"I don't wanna be with the Lord," Adriana had decided, sticking out her lower lip in a pout as she shook her head at her abuela. "I just wanna be with my mami and papi. I think it is very mean that the Lord will not let them come be with me and 'Tana. I think the Lord is very bad to take them away from us."

But instead of sympathizing or agreeing with her, Alma Lopez has gasped, her eyes bulging, and she had spoke very sharply to Adriana, the look on her face scaring the child so much she had shrank back from her, reaching out to grab hold of her sister for support.

"You do not EVER speak against the Lord in that manner, Adriana Isabel! God is not mean nor is He unfair or bad! Jesus Christ gave His life for you and you will not dishonor or disrespect Him by saying such things! Now come set out the napkins and silverware, and know that you are to eat everything on your plate. I will not have wastefulness in this home."

Her pout having slipped away with her confusion and her fear of her abuela's sudden shift in intensity, Adriana had slowly gone to do as she was told, still clutching onto her sister's arm for as long as Santana would allow it. She put all the silverware in the wrong places and was again corrected for this; she was corrected again as well for not putting her napkin in her lap, and for using her hand to push her food onto her spoon. By the time they were finished eating and are dismissed from the table, she was relieved just to be allowed to relax. Dinner with her mami and papi had been more fun. They had talked and teased her and Santana and told stories sometimes, and Adriana had liked her mami's food better.

She was actually happy when their abuela told them to go into their room to get their pajamas; it was time for their baths before bedtime. Adriana loved bath time. She loved to splash and play in the water, and she loved to make bubble beards and give her baby dolls shampoos. She grinned, glad that at least something would be fun and the same today, and eager to get started with this, ran ahead of Santana towards their bedroom- what had once been her abuela's guest room.

But she didn't notice the slight bump in the middle of the carpet in the hallway, and Adriana's shoe caught on it, causing her to fall hard on her hands and knees. More from surprise and a build-up of overwhelmed emotions from her day, Adriana's face puckered up, and she started to cry, looking back over her shoulder to see if her abuela would come to her.

Abuela did come, though not quickly. Frowning slightly at her, she shook her head, tsking. "This is why you do not run in the house, Adriana, you hurt yourself and damage objects when you fall. Are you injured?"

"Yessss my knee hurts," Adriana wailed, gratified that she was at last getting somewhat of the reaction she wanted from her abuela. Tearfully she pointed to her knees.

If this had been her mami, she would have picked her up and given her a hug, then kissed her knees so they felt all better. If it had been her papi, he would have lifted her up high in the air and tickled her and made her laugh so she forgot about her knees. But her abuela just looked at her knees matter-of-factly, then shook her head at Adriana.

"They are not injured, Adriana. It is certainly not worth crying over. Come, get up and have your bath with your sister."

Sniffling, Adriana looked up at her abuela with quivering lips, then, hopefully, but not very expectantly, half lifted her arms, wanting her to pick her up. But as she had almost expected, her abuela didn't move to lift her.

"Your knees are not injured, as I said, Adriana. You are perfectly capable of walking. It is time for your bath."

She walked ahead of her to the bathroom, seeming to expect that there was no option for Adriana but to follow, and after a few more moments of sniffling on the floor, Adriana got up and went after her. At least the bath would be fun.

But as it turned out, the bath wasn't either. Abuela was not pleased with any splashing or gleeful noises, she did not want Adriana to "waste" shampoo on her dolls, and in fact, she said that there was no reason to bring any dolls into the tub to make more of a mess. In abuela's house, bathing was an act designed to get oneself clean and nothing more, and this too was a disappointment to Adriana.

When she took the shampoo, intending to wash the girls' hair, Adriana had offered tentatively to her abuela, hoping that at least this much could be done, "Can you sing the hair washing song?"

Abuela had frowned, lifting one eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"The song Papi sings us," Adriana had explained, eager to show it off to her. "So we don't get soap in our eyes. It's really easy, Abuela. It just goes, "put your head back, close your eyes, if they're open you will cry. Shampoo and soap is for your hair, put your head back, and take care!" Just like that, abuela. You just sing that over and over. I can teach you. Can I teach you?"

But Abuela had just looked at her, sighing aloud.

"Really, Adriana, I do not think it is necessary to sing a song to remember to put your head back and close your eyes when your hair is washed. Certainly you should be able to remember that on your own by now."

Adriana didn't say anything, but she was so disappointed she felt like she wanted to cry, and it was not because she had soap in her eyes.

Maybe bed time would be better. Every night before she and Santana went to bed, her mami would read them a story. One night Adriana would get to pick it and the next night Santana would. It was Adriana's night to pick a story and she knew exactly which one she wanted to hear. Then if her Papi was home he would kiss them good night and her mami would too. Maybe abuela would know how to do that. But she didn't. She didn't kiss them and she didn't read them a story. She just put them in bed and then told them good night and turned out the light and shut the door, and she didn't even put a nightlight on.

Adriana didn't like that at all. She didn't like that there were scary shapes on the walls, and Santana was sleeping and wouldn't even stay up and talk with her like she wanted her to. She didn't like that she heard noises and didn't know what they were, and the more she thought about it, the more scary it all seemed. Finally she got up out of bed and tiptoed to the door, then, throwing it open with a burst of bravado, nearly ran down the hallway to her abuela's room. Opening the door, she tiptoed inside, seeing her abuela sitting up in bed, reading, glasses on her face.

Abuela looked up when Adriana entered, and she was frowning at her again.

"You are supposed to be in bed, Adriana. Do you need something?"

"It's scary in there," Adriana told her. She held onto the door, looking up at her abuela shyly. "I don't wanna sleep in there."

She didn't ask, but she hoped that her abuela would come to the conclusion that she wanted to sleep with her. A few times a week, with her mami and papi, she would get scared at night and come into their room, and they always let her sleep with them. Her mami would cuddle her and play with her hair, and her papi would rub her back until she fell asleep. Then in the morning when she woke up her mami was gone but her papi was still cuddling her, and Adriana always felt much, much better.

But her abuela did not do this. Instead she just frowned at Adriana some more.

"Well, that is your bedroom and your bed. You will have to sleep there. What is it that is scary? There's nothing in there to be scared of."

And Adriana couldn't explain it. She didn't have the words to describe how it felt to be awake while her sister was sleeping, in a strange bed in a strange room in a strange house, without her mami and papi to go to. She didn't know what to say, so she just blinked up at her abuela, biting her lip.

"Go back to bed, Adriana," she told her, and as much as she didn't want to, Adriana knew better than to disobey.

She almost ran back to her room, afraid with every leap forward that one of the shadows on the wall would reach out and grab hold of her. Jumping back into bed so hard it bounced and she jarred Santana a little, she hid herself under the covers, then curled as close to her sister as she could get, hoping that if one of the shadows came for her, it would have a hard time telling them apart or pulling her away. Her sister was sucking her thumb, seeming oblivious to the danger that Adriana felt they were in, and as Adriana closed her eyes, trying to relax, she wound her finger in Santana's hair, beginning to twirl it around her fingers in an unconscious attempt to self-soothe in a similar manner that her parents had soothed her before.

When their abuela came to wake them up in the morning, Adriana realized almost as quickly as she did that their sheets and her nightgown were wet. This was not an unusual occurrence; she usually wet the bed several nights a week, and her parents had always dealt with it as though it were to be expected, without getting mad at her. Normally they would wrap Adriana and Santana in separate sheets and blankets and simply change Adriana's out when she woke up along with her clothes, and if her father was sleeping alone with her, he would just take her to the bathroom when she came into their bedroom. But her abuela had not done this, and as she saw what had happened, she sighed in disapproval, shaking her head, even as Santana scrunched up her nose and fussed about her being "gross" beside her.

"Adriana, you are much too old for this to be happening. You must not be too lazy to get up and use the bathroom at night, this is very unsanitary."

Still shaking her head, she had stripped Adriana down still instructing her as to how to do better, and again, Adriana had been left with a resigned sadness and disappointment. It seemed very clear to her now that nothing would ever be the same. The only options she had were to try as hard as she could to do what her abuela said, and maybe she would finally make her happy, one day. Maybe, if she tried hard enough, her abuela would like her, even if she did not love her like her own mami and papi did. Maybe.


	2. Chapter 2

The hope of this continued throughout Adriana's childhood, and it showed itself in her efforts and actions. From an early age she tried to think of what might please or impress her abuela and others in her life, and she strove to achieve it whenever possible. Everything from her grades to her friends to her clothes, her involvement in church and her effort in helping out around the house, Adriana shaped in an attempt to make her abuela happy with her.

Her twin sister, on the other hand, did not seem to care about going to such efforts. Although Santana learned fast enough as a child that it would do her no good to outright defy Alma Lopez, she soon became adept at manipulating words and truth. She was sneaky in a way that Adriana wasn't, and she was willing to risk much more in order to achieve her own wants and goals. Often even Adriana didn't know the full truth of exactly what it was that Santana was up to, and so Santana's biggest scandal with their abuela, when the girls were fifteen, was based on circumstances that Adriana had suspected for some time, but had no proof of until Alma Lopez was holding it in her hand.

They were met at the doorway of their small rented home one seemingly normal afternoon by their abuela's thunderous expression, her frail body filling up the entrance in such a way that would have seemed impossible even with someone more physically imposing. She stared them both down, her eyes flitting from one to the other, but coming to rest on Santana in particular at last.

Already Adriana could feel herself shrink inside, her shoulders slumping, her heart beginning to thud with anxiety. What had happened, what was it that they could have done for her abuela to look at them in that way? She took in her ramrod straight back, her thinned lips, but most of all, the dark disappointment and disgust in her eyes, long before she saw the folded piece of paper in her hand.

She didn't speak, nor did Adriana; she couldn't have found words then if she tried. But Santana had always been more brash than she, and her dark eyebrows rose as she looked straight back at their abuela.

"Abuela, nice to be greeted at the door and all, but can you tone down the enthusiasm to see us and let us in?"

Alma moved back just enough to allow the girls to step into the home and shut the door behind them, with Adriana able to manage this only because her sister tugged her forward. Despite Santana's bravo, Adriana could feel how cold the skin of her hand was, and when her arm brushed her, she could feel Santana's pulse beating almost as fast as hers. Alma allowed no further words before she spoke, her voice stretched flat.

"Explain this to me at once, Santana, and do not tell me any stories for my benefit."

She held out the note, opening it only so that the large, girlish handwriting scrawled across it could be seen. She didn't give it to Santana; she seemed adverse to letting her touch it, let alone have it, though she herself held it only by the tips of her fingers. As Santana and Adriana both instinctively leaned forward, Adriana watched her sister's face pale, then flush slowly, her expression hardening, and Adriana's dread grew. What was it her sister had done?

She could only make out a few words of the note before Alma pulled it back, but the words she could read and the row of x's and o's at the bottom of the page, along with the female name scrawled across the top and Santana's signed at the bottom, made it quite clear what this was. It was a love letter, written by Santana, to another girl.

Adriana's stomach dropped, not just for her sister, but for herself. Never would she have dared to do something so bold, period, let alone to leave the evidence of it out in the open somewhere in their home, where anyone, especially Abuela, could see. How could Santana have done this?

But moreover, what struck her was a strange confusing mixture of fear for her sister but also relief. She had noticed the way Santana's eyes seemed to follow girls' backsides in the hallways of school, how she seemed to brush up against them without really needing to, how she laughed more throatily and genuinely and how her eyes seemed more alive in their presence. She had never asked, but she had wondered…all the more because she was starting to realize that she herself was having thoughts of girls in the way that her sister seemed to more blatantly show it.

If Santana was gay, then Adriana might be- probably was, in fact. They were identical twins, after all; if this was what Santana felt, then Adriana had a label for how she felt too. But along with this sudden understanding came a huge level of fear. Because if Santana was gay, and Adriana too…how was it that she could ever feel even a small level of safety in school, in her own home?

Adriana felt Santana's hand squeeze hers hard, but her sister didn't look back at her; this was the only sign that she had that Santana needed any kind of support. Her sister kept her eyes on their abuela and lifted her chin, her expression as steely as her voice as she responded.

"If you read my private letter, abuela, then there's nothing that I need to explain. I think it probably made it pretty clear."

"Don't speak to me with that kind of insolence, girl," Abuela snapped, her words quickly shifting into the rapid fire Spanish that she adopted only when considerably incensed or upset. "Are you telling me that this is true? That you are one of those women- those perverts- those sinners against the Lord? Are you telling me that you are under my roof, accepting my care, and all this time defiling the Lopez name and sinning against your own head and the name of our God?"

She made a spitting noise with her mouth, and although not spittle emerged, Adriana felt Santana flinch, her long fingernails biting into her sister's skin. "I have never been so ashamed of you in all my life. You have tested me from the beginning, Santana Maria, you have always pushed me to the limit of my tolerance, but this, this is unacceptable. How dare you bring me this shame?"

She focused then on Adriana, her glare towards her almost as infuriated as it was towards Santana. "And you, Adriana, who are you to stand by and witness your sister's sins without dissuading her of them? Who are you to keep this secret sin of hers without a word? You too sin and shame us!"

Adriana's cheeks burned scarlet, and she bit her lip, her head bowing down. The truth was that she had not known, not really- not with words. And if Abuela condemned her for even suspecting that she might know that Santana was gay…how much more would she despise her if she knew the truth of Adriana too?

She struggled to come up with words, for a way to appease Abuela while still supporting Santana as well. But Santana spoke up for her, taking defense of her, as she always had.

"Don't blame Adriana," she snapped, but her voice was clear, her grip on Adriana's hand firm. "She didn't know. I didn't tell her a thing, she's too snow white to even know about this stuff. She's not involved in this, so if you have to be mad, be mad at me."

"I'm beyond angry with you, Santana Maria," Abuela snapped, her voice growing in volume. "I did not raise you in this manner, and I will not allow this, not under my roof and not in my life time. This will not continue. I more than assure you of this."

"What can you do, Abuela, kick me out? Send me away? You're my guardian, I'm only fifteen. It's against the law to kick me out," Santana challenged, but Adriana saw her lip quiver before she straightened it out, and she knew, as her abuela did not, that Santana was afraid. "It's your duty to provide for me until I'm of age."

"It's my duty to raise you to be a God-fearing Christian woman who doesn't engage in this perversity!" Abuela fired back at her, the words coming out as sharp as knives. "You will have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your stomach, and a bed to sleep in, Santana, but you will not be allowed to engage in this behavior. You will go nowhere but here and school for the rest of this year, and you will no longer attend that school with that wayward girl. You will be transferred to the other high school, and you will engage in activities befitting a young woman and not a whore. Go to your room now and if you have any decency in you, I would hope you would be praying forgiveness for your soul."

She stalked towards her bedroom, the letter still clutched in her hand, and Adriana watched as Santana stood motionless, the hand not gripping Adriana's firmly knotted into a fist at her side. When Adriana swallowed hard, reaching out a hesitant hand to touch her shoulder, her twin pulled away, beginning to walk forward with her head held high, retreating to the bedroom.

"Santana," Adriana called out, but her sister didn't respond. Adriana watched as she closed the door behind her, but even when she slipped in, sitting beside Santana on the bottom bunk of their shared bunk bed, her sister didn't acknowledge her presence.

For almost an hour she sat, watching Santana's motionless back from where she lay face down on her bed. She wanted to comfort her, to thank her, to tell her that she had known. She wanted to tell her that she understood all too well. But she could do nothing but sit, and when she heard Santana weeping that night in her bunk, all she could make herself do was crawl in beside her and curl up close, hoping to comfort while words still failed her.

88

It was all becoming too much for Adriana to take anymore.

For as long as she could, she had let things slide. That was usually her way; if she could ignore things, if she could simply get through the day with gritted teeth, a smile on her face, and her head held high, then if things weren't okay, she could at least pretend they were. She could try to bounce off her back every hurtful word, everything she didn't get that she wanted and needed so badly, and she could make herself like stone, immune to anything anyone could do to her. At least on the outside. And it was the outside that counted most…the way people saw you was the way you would become. If you tried hard enough.

But sometimes she reached her breaking point, and today, Adriana was pretty sure this was it. There was no definite event that had occurred to bring her to it. It was seventeen years of accumulated stress and strain and hiding, seventeen years of knowing all too well that no matter what she did in her own home, it would never be enough to satisfy her abuela. She would never look at her with pride, not while knowing who Adriana really was.

She knew it had hurt her sister when Abuela found out about her sexuality, but it had hurt Adriana too. Not just for her sake- and it had killed her, for her sister, her twin, to be rejected in this way- but for her own. Because she had known, for as far back as she could remember, that she was not exactly straight herself. And yet how could she say it, how could she risk herself in that way, how could she reveal something so deeply close and personal to her heart, knowing what reaction she would get?

Santana knew, of course. Adriana tended to keep her business, particularly her feelings, close to her chest, and she had never spelled out to her that she liked women. She would have been ashamed to do so; how could she admit this to her sister aloud, when she had not spoken up to tell their abuela, to support Santana in this way, when they were fifteen and Santana was found out? How could she admit that she cared so much about what their abuela thought of her, of what other people would think of her, that she couldn't stand up and be brave and fearless, as her twin seemed to be at least to her own eyes? How could she admit to Santana that she couldn't accept herself in this way?

It had been Adriana's way, over the past few years, to keep herself to herself, pretending to the world at large that she simply had no interest in dating; it was beneath her, boys were beneath her, and she had more interesting things to do. It kept her abuela happy and it kept people off her back. It wasn't that she hadn't tried men; she had had sex twice, with two different boys, who she guessed were good looking enough, but she had hated every second of it. It seemed worthless to her to bother even as a cover.

Instead she had found herself furtively messaging women on online sites, hoping to talk to someone who understood, someone who might be enough to make her feel finally okay about who she was…and every time, her chest would blossom with hope and fervent desire for this one to be the last, for this one to be the one. Every time she would find herself disappointed the next week, the next morning, or sometimes even the next hour when the woman she had hoped so desperately would be the one to really love her would leave her high and dry, not even returning her messages.

Until Amanda.

Adriana knew that she was different. She knew, unlike the other women, that Amanda loved her, that she would always be there for her. It had only been a week, and they still hadn't met in person, but she hadn't left her yet, she hadn't hurt her or used her in any way. She was gentle and beautiful and kind, she complimented her and really seemed to see her when she looked at her, and Adriana felt like her entire heart would explode with happiness.

It hadn't taken but a few days for her to find herself really opening up to Amanda, telling her all her darkest thoughts and feelings and worries that she wouldn't even Santana, and almost immediately Amanda had had a plan.

"Come stay with me, Adri. You'll be so much happier, it will be amazing. And tell Santana to come too. You don't deserve that witch of a woman hanging over your head. Make your abuela sorry, just go."

And the more Adriana thought about it, the more she wanted to. She was so tired of her poverty and her fear, her hidden anger and her deeply rooted unhappiness with her life. Amanda said she could make it all better, and she believed her. There was only one problem left…Santana.

Santana couldn't imagine living a life without her twin sister, and she certainly wouldn't want to. Through everything she had always known that as difficult as it could be sometimes to get along with Santana, her sister would have her back, no questions asked. Santana would never leave Adriana to face life with their abuela all by herself, and Adriana had too much of a conscience to do the same thing to her.

That shouldn't be a problem; Amanda had said that Santana could come too, after all. But Santana being allowed to come, and Santana actually following through with coming, were two very different things.

Adriana suspected that Santana's response to her plan would be to think that she was completely insane. Santana probably knew that Adriana was gay, or at least could sort of guess it, even if she had dated a couple of guys here or there. But her thoughts on online dating, and running off to live with someone she had never actually met before, that might be where her protective drive kicked in and started screaming no way in hell.

But it was what Adriana wanted, what she was determined to do, and it would take more than an overprotective twin to talk her out of it. So the night that she made her decision, she waited until she knew her abuela was asleep before she chose to talk to her sister.


	3. Chapter 3

Santana was sprawled across the bottom bunk of their bunk beds when Adriana entered the room, teeth and hair brushed, but still dressed in her every day clothes. Santana had changed into boxer shorts and a t shirt, and she was busily texting away at her phone. Santana had saved up money from her summer jobs for two years to be able to afford it, a feat that Adriana was still astonished at and suspicious of from her impulsive sister, and it was the only reason why she had demanded they switch beds- because she couldn't reach the outlet to charge it from the top bunk. Standing just in front of the closed doorway, Adriana regarded her, suddenly nervous, until Santana looked up with a raised eyebrow.

"Is there something fascinating about me texting, or are you just gawking at my legs? They are pretty hot."

It was a typical Santana response to her, so Adriana just rolled her eyes a little and smiled before taking a breath in. "Can I talk to you?"

Santana's eyebrow rose further, and she shrugged one shoulder.

"I could be a smartass and say you're obviously talking to me right now, but I'll skip over that for now. What's up?"

Without waiting for further invitation, knowing it was unlikely to come, Adriana started forward, moving to sit with her sister on the bottom bunk. Santana adjusted herself to make room for her, but between having to lean forward slightly to avoid hitting her head on the top bunk and its crowded quarters, she couldn't help but overlap limbs with Santana slightly as she spoke.

"Um…this is really hard for me to say, or think about, or you know, have, or do, or-"

"I don't understand babble-ese," Santana interrupted, though her voice was gentle in tone, and she put a hand on Adriana's arm. "Just say it, and put yourself out of misery here."

Adriana took another breath, then without quite thinking about it, reached out, entwining a piece of her sister's hair in her fingers. Almost instantly she felt herself starting to calm. It was a habit that dated back to when the two of them were just babies, sharing a crib, and Adriana had soothed herself to sleep in this manner. Every now and then she reverted to this, and it was almost always enough for her to begin feeling safe.

"I'm a lesbian, Tana," she told her softly, not quite meeting her eyes. "I'm gay."

She waited, almost holding her breath, but Santana seemed to be still listening, expecting more. When nothing more came, Santana gave an amused laugh, shaking her head and squeezing Adriana's arm.

"Is that all? Shit, I thought you'd tell me something I didn't already know."

Startled, Adriana looked at her closely, checking to see if her sister looked angry, or even bored, but Santana just seemed amused. Of course she had thought that Santana probably knew, but even so, this wasn't the response she had expected.

"You think I don't notice your eyes on people's asses every time we go out somewhere? On GIRL asses?" Santana chuckled. "I didn't have any doubts, sis. What I do wanna know is, have you actually done something about the gay thing, or are you about as tightly tied up and gagged in the closet as me?"

It wasn't until she said that, that Adriana realized that she had in fact not heard Santana talk about girls or dating or even liking anyone over the past two years. She knew that Santana was attending a different school from her, a school where she had managed to achieve the popularity that she had never had at Adriana's school. She was even a cheerleader, definitely not something that would happen if everyone there knew she was a lesbian. Did that mean that Santana was still hiding, still pretending, even after their abuela knew? And why hadn't Adriana realized this before?

"I'm not doing anything…I mean, not doing, doing," Adriana clarified, blushing slightly. "I mean, I haven't met anyone yet…"

"Well hey, congratulations all the same," Santana told her, and the warmth in her voice was surprising. She wrapped her arms around Adriana's shoulders in a brief hug and gave her a loud kiss on the cheek, as much for effect as to show affection. "Welcome to the dark side, we have titties."

Adriana giggled at this, making a show of shoving Santana away, but not actually trying too hard to do so. She nestled her head against Santana's shoulder, feeling comforted and comfortable just to be close to the one person she had always known would love her beyond anyone else. It was easier, this close to her, to continue to share.

"I met a girl, though. Online. Her name is Amanda. She's so pretty, Sanny, and so smart, and so nice…she's just perfect. She's amazing, and the best part is she wants to meet me and date me. Actually, she wants me to live with her."

She hadn't thought through what Santana's reaction might be to this, but it certainly wasn't her thoughts that Santana would make a snorting noise in her throat, quickly pull back from her, and stare at her like she had announced her plan to take up a job as a streetwalker.

"Excuse me, what? Did you just say some girl you never even met before asked you to move in with her? What a whack job! You gotta watch people on the internet, Adri, you can't just trust everyone you talk to…wait a second. Holy shit, you don't actually mean you're thinking of doing it, do you?"

Adriana lowered her eyes, knowing then that her expression must have given her away. She mumbled towards her folded legs, not entirely wanting Santana to hear.

"She said you could come too…"

"Ohhh okay, 'cause that makes it smart instead of stupid," Santana told her sarcastically. "Right, so that means she's obviously totally cool, no way would a serial killer want to mutilate two hot girls instead of one. Adri, how much have you told this chick anyway? Does she know where we live?"

"It isn't like that," Adriana protested, feeling her muscles tense up in response to her twin. She had never been someone who was good with handling conflict, and now that her sister was irritated with her, she could feel her stomach growing queasy, her chest tight. "She's okay, I promise. She's awesome, San. She understands everything, and she makes me feel so happy. If we could just go live with her and not have to be here, everything could be okay."

"Wake up out of your dreamland, Adriana," Santana snapped, still shaking her head. "Under what universe does "being okay" mean you drop out of school to go to some chick you never met before, get yourself disowned, get the police on your ass, because you know Abuela is gonna send them, and then have this chick probably turn out to be a fifty year old dude in the first place? If you're gay, Adri, that's fine, that's whatever, I am too. But you don't have to flaunt it around and make a stupid scene out of it."

Before she could quite identify what she was feeling, Adriana could sense herself swelling up, ready to explode. How dare Santana talk about her making stupid scenes? Wasn't she the one who had got caught in their abuela's own house, having sex with a girl? How dare she talk about Amanda like she was crazy or fake, like she didn't love Adriana at all? Adriana knew she loved her. She just knew it, she could tell those things. Before she could quite process it, she found herself retorting back to her as she usually would not, her voice raising in volume.

"Maybe I want to make a stupid scene, Santana, maybe it's my turn to be able to do that. You're just jealous, because you're too scared to be who you are. You're scared of the other kids and not being popular and you're scared of Abuela. Maybe I want to let everyone know I'm gay and maybe I don't care what happens if I do. Maybe I'm braver than you are. I'm not the one making out with guys and pretending it's girls, just so other people are happy!"

She knew from the stricken look on Santana's face that she had been too harsh and hit her too close to home with her words. She knew too that it would have been all the more difficult for Santana to take, because coming from Adriana, who usually avoided conflict as much as possible, and who rarely fought with her over even trivial things, these words were especially hard to hear. She watched her sister blink rapidly, forcing back the hurt she knew she must be feeling, before she lifted her chin and tightened her jaw, spitting back at her.

"Maybe I am, but I'm not the one who's been watching your ass and looking out not just me but you too all of our lives. I'm the one who took what Abuela dished out and didn't say a damn word about you, even though YOU weren't brave or loyal enough to even defend me, let alone out yourself so you could get the same fucking treatment from her. No, you just stayed in the corner and let her do whatever the hell she wanted and you didn't say a word, not one word. Don't even play the brave card with me, Adriana. You weren't brave then and you're not brave now. What you are is stupid. And if you go meet this chick that might not even be a chick, for all you know, you're stupid."

"Right, I'm stupid. Someone loves me enough to want me with them forever, no matter what it takes, and I'm stupid. Just because the girl you were hooking up with didn't love you enough to stay with you after you moved on to another school doesn't mean I'm stupid, it just means you're jealous!" Adriana shot back.

She could feel her face heating with her own emotions, and although she couldn't see herself, she could see the mix of defensive hurt and anger in her twin's eyes. She imagined that her own face looked no different. Of course she had been angry with Santana before- how could you live with someone as reckless and sometimes thoughtless as Santana was without her sometimes stepping on your toes? But always before, she had been able to talk herself down quickly, telling herself that Santana didn't mean it, Santana didn't know how she felt, Santana was too important to her to be angry with. Now, she couldn't tell herself any of those things, nor did she want to. Santana was pissing her off, plain and simple, and she had no intention this time of letting it go.

"Jealous? Oh, yes, Adriana, that's right, I'm jealous," Santana spat, shaking her head in disbelief. Even through the blanket thrown over her Adriana could feel the rigidness of her body, and she didn't fail to notice when the other girl pulled herself as far apart from her as she could, as though to keep from touching even slightly. "I'm so jealous of your imaginary love and relationship with a woman you've never seen before, who probably has armpit hair long enough to braid and back fat that needs its own secondary bra. If she's even a woman at all. I'm jealous of the fact that you've been a virgin so long now that you probably have fucking cobwebs growing up your lady parts, and you're such a coward you probably won't even touch yourself, let alone let someone else actually touch you. Will you get it through your fluffy little bunny brain that what you're doing is stupid and dangerous, and that's the only thing I give a shit about?!"

"You're a good one to lecture me about doing something dangerous," Adriana countered, pulling her knees up to her chest in an equal effort to avoid contact with her twin. She hugged them tightly, her chin resting atop them as she narrowed her eyes at her sister. "You aren't safe yourself, Santana. You sneak out at night and you could end up getting mugged or shot or kidnapped, or else have Abuela catch you coming in. You drink and have sex at parties and you could have something really bad happen or get pregnant or get a disease, and that isn't safe. Not to mention, when you're drunk, you talk a lot and you cry. So if they don't already know you're a lesbian at your new school, they're gonna one day, because you don't know how to be quiet when you're out there being NOT SAFE."

As Adriana had already known she would, Santana skipped right back all the talk about her lack of safety in her activities and zeroed right in on the one thing that worried her most- the last two sentences. She opened her mouth, her eyes widening, and then pointed an accusing finger at Adriana that she noticed was shaking slightly.

"They do NOT know! I haven't said anything, and don't you dare do it for me!"

"Santana, they probably do know," Adriana's voice lowered, and she took a deep breath, deliberately trying to calm herself. Her sister's frantic, wounded look had softened her anger, and she tried to gentle her voice, addressing her again. "Tana, please come with me. We'll be away from all of this, and that has to be better, right? Abuela won't be judging us or telling us what to do, we can just forget all the people at school, and we can get jobs and our GED, maybe we can go to college too on our own, without any help at all. Do you really want another whole year of high school? You can find another girl, maybe one of Amanda's friends, and we can all live together and really be happy. Please, Santana, what if this is the only chance we ever have for that? Come with me. Please."

For a moment Santana's face softened, and Adriana's heart skipped a beat with her hope. But then she shook her head, exhaling, her head dropping just enough that Adriana couldn't meet her eyes.

"No. No, I'm not doing it, Adri. It's stupid. It's stupid, and you're gonna get hurt, I just know you are. I don't want any part in that. You go if you want to, but if you do, just know this. This is your own stupid decision, and I'm gonna tell you right now, I told you so. So whenever reality hits and you come crying to me, just remember, you left me. You left me here by myself with all this shit, so don't think I'm ever going to feel sorry for you."

Adriana waited, still watching her with her lower lip between her teeth, hoping that the other girl would relent, or at least would reconsider enough that she could talk her to her way of thinking. But Santana's expression didn't change, and she didn't budge from her stated opinion. Instead, she wriggled herself so that she was lying down again, her feet jammed awkwardly behind Adriana's back, and she rolled over so that she was facing the wall. Clearly she was not sleeping, but these were her final words to Adriana on the subject. Her back spoke as clearly as her words.

For another minute or two Adriana sat, still hoping in spite of herself that Santana would turn around. But after a full two minutes of Santana remaining still, silent, and pulled away, she slowly got to her feet, going to her closet to pull out the worn duffle bag she had rarely gotten use out of. Moving slowly, still glancing frequently towards Santana, she began to back the items she thought necessary, and with each look towards her twin, Santana remained in the same position.

As Adriana finished her packing and hoisted her bag over her shoulder, preparing to pull herself out the window as Santana had so many times before, she looked back at her sister one more time. Santana gave her nothing in return, and so she left, her heart heavy and hard in her chest.

She really was doing this. She was really leaving her old life, her old fears, and now Amanda was all that she would have left in her world, at least at first. She hoped it would be enough.


	4. Chapter 4

tw: violence against female

Adriana had thought she would be happy.

After all, she was getting out of her abuela's home, finally on her own, to do exactly as she wanted or needed, without anyone looking over her shoulder criticizing, guilting, and punishing her for any deviation from an older woman's idea of right. Out of her neighborhood of poverty, where they had to struggle just to have the things they needed. Out of the heavy, tense feeling she got just from being home every day, just from knowing within her heart that no matter what she did or said, she would never feel that it was right, and she would never feel that she really belonged.

Getting out had to be better. Living in a decent house in a better neighborhood, being able to come and go without lies and sneaking. Being able to finally, openly be herself, a lesbian girl who wasn't perfect and never would be, a girl who got angry and swore and cried and sometimes made mistakes just because she could, just because it looked like fun or was worth the consequences. It had to be better to live with someone she loved more than anyone, more than all the other girls she had thought were different, because Amanda was different. Adriana was sure of it. Living with Amanda, being Amanda's girl, was supposed to be the best thing she could do with her life.

What she hadn't counted on was that Amanda's home, Amanda's neighborhood, wasn't any better than her own. Amanda, a 20 year old college student, lived in a student apartment complex in a neighborhood constantly rocked by break ins and acts of violence, and the apartment itself was far from well kept. It was a rare day where all the amenities not only worked but worked effectively, and it was always freezing inside because the heat went out so often. Not only that, but Amanda had a roommate- something she had failed to mention to Adriana before. The girl smoked like a chimney, not only cigarettes but marijuana too, and Adriana felt some days like her lungs were closing over just being near her.

She hadn't realized that without going to school, without having a job yet of her own, she would be so damn bored. Although Amanda got her a fake ID, she knew it wasn't good enough to use to get a job, and she didn't want any employer questions about minors or parents or living quarters, not when she was essentially a runaway. Amanda worked and went to school, and that left Adriana with a large part of her day simply waiting for her to come home, bored, depressed, and increasingly lonely.

This wasn't at all the romantic whirlwind of fantastic love she had envisioned; most nights when Amanda came home, she was tired and irritable and barely even seemed to tolerate a hug and kiss in greeting. Adriana was beginning to wonder, as much as she pushed it aside, whether Amanda really did love her and want her around at all.

She worried, increasingly, whether her essential dropping out of school, something she had never in a million years thought she would do, was going to set her up for failure the rest of her life. How could she get a decent job? She hadn't thought of this at all. How was she going to be able to do anything until she turned eighteen?

She hadn't thought that she would think about her abuela, but she did. What had Santana told her? Was she worried about her? Had she called the police? Did she expect this of her, that she would do this to her, or did she think of it as a betrayal, like Santana? Was it a betrayal, to leave without a word when Abuela had been providing for her for all her life?

Santana. Thinking of Santana made Adriana want to cry. She missed her sister deeply, every single day, every hour, more than she even would have guessed. It seemed to her that every little thing she saw, every memory she had somehow connected back to her twin, and she constantly worried about her. What if she was suffering, alone with their abuela? How would Adriana know if she really needed her?

Sometimes Adriana felt like she had made a huge mistake. But wouldn't giving up and going home again be even worse?

88

He came one afternoon when Amanda was out and so was her roommate; as usual, it was just Adriana alone in the home. She had been dozing in front of the TV when she heard him, pounding and beating on the flimsy apartment door.

"Amanda! I know you're in there, I saw your fucking car parked out front! AMANDA OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"

Except that Amanda wasn't there; she had caught a ride to work with her roommate and left her car parked in the apartment lot. As Adriana caught her breath, her heart leaping into her throat, the male voice continued to shout and pound on her door.

"Amanda! I'm coming in here whether you want to or not! Amanda!"

Adriana's eyes darted around the apartment, but she could think of nothing to do and nowhere to go. They had no landline phone, and she herself had no cell phone; she simply used Amanda's if she used a phone at all. How could she call the police, where was she supposed to go to try to escape or hide? Who was this person, what did he want with Amanda?

She had made the decision to go into the kitchen for a knife and started to move that way when the door was suddenly forced open, its latch having been easily jimmied with the screw driver held out in the young man's hand. She saw as she forced his way into the apartment that he was in his early to mid twenties, unshaven, smelling strongly of alcohol, and when he stepped inside, eyes red-rimmed and roving, he barely seemed to see Adriana at all.

"Where is she? Who the fuck are you?" he spat, waving his screwdriver in her direction. "Where the fuck is Amanda, where is she hiding?"

"She isn't here," Adriana said quickly, backing away, not wanting to outright flee to the kitchen, but definitely trying to inch herself closer. Her heart continued to pound so hard she felt lightheaded, and she could feel trembling beginning to involuntarily spread up her arms and legs. "She's not here. Look, you need to calm down, man, because this? This isn't cool. Amanda isn't here, so-"

"You lying to me? You fucking lying to me, bitch? I saw her car outside, I know she's fucking here! And just who the fuck are you anyway?" the man demanded, stalking closer to her.

Adriana backed away, realizing even as she moved that she was starting to back herself towards a wall. She started to sidle towards the open space of the kitchen- but now the man's eyes were directed towards a strip of photo booth photos, taped on the refrigerator. He pushed past Adriana, going to inspect them more closely, and Adriana's heart beat faster and faster until she was almost certain she would stop breathing.

The photos were of her and Amanda, over two months ago; they were cuddling and kissing, with Adriana sprawled in Amanda's lap, Amanda's arms tightly around her. And as the man examined them, his face drawing into a darker and darker glower, Adriana's suspicions began to click into place even before he rounded on her, his voice rising to a shout.

"What the fuck is this, you fucking slut?! You're fucking my girlfriend?! You're fucking MY girlfriend?!"

Girlfriend…Amanda had a BOYFRIEND? Or had had one?

"What-" Adriana started, but although she had had no idea what she planned to say, the man gave her little chance to. In two long strides he was on her, seizing her by her shoulders with his meaty fists and shaking her back and forth until her head jerked. He continued to shout in her face, spittle flecking her cheeks as his eyes bore into hers.

"You're fucking MY girlfriend, you little fucking dyke slut?! No one touches Amanda, no one fucking horns in on my territory, fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!"

He hit her, first an open-hand slap that sharply stung her cheeks. When Adriana cried out, trying to jerk out and under his grasp, the man tightened his hold on her, and the next blow was a fist.

She fought him; she tried with everything she had to get him off and away from her, to block the blows he was raining down, to protect herself even if she couldn't strike back. But nothing she did seemed to work. He kept hitting and she kept taking his hits, and the pain blossomed through her so strongly that she found herself slipping beneath it, and then she felt no pain at all.

It wasn't until the next day, when she was finally fully alert and conscious from all the medications and her own pain, that Adriana realized exactly what her situation was. She was in the hospital in her home town, her eye blackened and swollen, her lip split, her cheekbone bruised, four broken ribs taped up and stabbing her sides with frequent pain, and she was diagnosed with a moderate concussion. It wasn't until she wheedled out of a nurse that it had been a female who called 911 that she began to piece together the facts that Amanda, or maybe her roommate, must have come home, found her unconscious, and called the ambulance to get her. But when she begged for phone usage from the nurse's and called Amanda, over and over and over, every time, she was taken to voice mail, and it was then that she began to realize.

She had lost Amanda; for whatever reason, Amanda was now cutting her off. Maybe it was to protect her from further hurt; maybe Amanda herself was hurt. She had almost hoped this until she called one more time and heard the change to the voicemail.

"If this is Adriana calling me again, I'm asking you to stop. Some people just can't take a hint."

Once the shock of hearing this message had worn off a little, Adriana had cried for over an hour, not caring how badly it hurt her already injured eye and ribs. And when she realized that the nurses had contacted her abuela almost immediately after her admission, that as soon as they gave the okay, she would, as a minor, be expected to go back home to her, she had cried for an additional hour, until she could barely breathe from the pain.

Nothing in her life could possibly be okay right now. This was as low as she could imagine things to be.

88

Adriana could not seem to calm down.

Not that she was letting anyone see that this was not the case. She had learned long ago how to keep her face nothing but stone to outside observers, even as inside her stomach tried to eat itself alive with her anxiety. She didn't want to go home, back to her abuela and her twin, back to her neighborhood and her school, especially in her current condition. She didn't want to have to look them in the eye and admit she was crawling back, that she had not only been unwanted, she had literally been beat down from belonging anymore.

And how was she going to explain this to her abuela, to Santana? How could she even look at them now?

The interaction with her abuela was intense when she came to get her; she barely spoke with her, in fact. She asked Adriana tersely if she weas well, if she was in pain, and then said little more than was necessary until Adriana was in the car. Then, without looking at her, she said only this.

"I do not want to know what happened. I do not want to know what sort of things you have been taking part in and I do not want you to ever speak of it in this home. But know this, Adriana. I am taking you back now because it is my duty and the law, but do not push this any further. Whatever you have been doing, it will not continue in my home."

Adriana had barely nodded, her throat too dry to verbalize assent. They drove in silence for the rest of the way back home, and as she stepped out of the car, she stumbled more from growing anxiety than from physical injury or weariness. As she followed behind her abuela to the front door, head down, she found herself barely breathing. How was she going to go back to sharing a room with Santana after everything?

She hadn't been sure what to expect from Santana when she arrived home, whether her sister would be waiting for her, ready to greet her at the front door, or else in their bedroom, not acknowledging the fact that she was returning. She wasn't sure to what degree her injuries would mitigate Santana's anger with her from before she had left, and she wasn't sure how she herself would react, based on how Santana did. Would she be able to suck it up, if Santana's reaction was underwhelming, or would she be unable to show how much it hurt?


	5. Chapter 5

Santana wasn't exactly waiting by the front door, as it turned out, but neither was she hiding back in their bedroom. She was pacing around the kitchen, her head down, shoulders taut, and her head snapped up when she heard the front door open. Adriana watched, her lower lip caught between her front teeth, as her sister came forward towards them slowly, then stopped, as though not sure whether she should continue to move closer. Adriana worried her lower lip further as she saw Santana unconsciously mirror this gesture, her eyes dark with ambivalence. She could see anxiety, horror, anger, and fear warring for dominance in her sister's expression, and that alone, along with Santana's uncertainty as to how close she should come to her, brought tears to Adriana's eyes. She blinked, quickly dropping her gaze, and tried to force back the tears that were determined to fall. Never before had she been afraid of what might happen if her twin saw her cry, but now, she was afraid to do anything, unsure of what she could expect in return. It felt to her as though everything she had once instinctively known of her twin was undone, because she herself had undone everything that Santana could have expected from her by her leaving.

Alma Lopez didn't linger around to see the awkward interaction between the twins. Giving Adriana a curt directive to ask for assistance should she need it, she continued into the kitchen, beginning the preparations for dinner. For a few moments the girls stood in silence, avoiding each other's gaze, and then Santana took a single step forward, drawing in a slow breath and letting it out.

"Adri….hi."

Relieved by this much of a concession on her sister's part, Adriana lifted her head slightly, just enough to meet Santana's gaze. Her reply back to her was hoarse, almost a whisper.

"Hi, San."

"Are you okay?" Santana asked, her words abrupt, but there was a tightness in her facial muscles and in her voice that Adriana could tell was concern. Concern, and anger- not towards Adriana, but towards the cause, unknown to her then, of the bruises on her face and arms.

Just hearing this, knowing that her sister still cared, was probably ready to search out and attempt to murder whoever it was that had hurt her, even after all that had gone down between them, made fresh tears rise to Adriana's eyes. She lowered her face again, her "yes" response coming out barely audibly and not at all convincingly. She saw that in her sister's face as Santana shook her head, her lips thinning out into a firm line.

"Right, that's complete bullshit response, but it's okay, I get it. Look, Adriana, I'm still pissed off at you, and I'm gonna yell at you like you deserve later, and my "I told you so" is coming later too. But you look like the fucking rag doll off The Nightmare before Christmas tonight, and it's really pathetic, so for now, I'm gonna shut up and just ask you if you need any help."

It took a few quick breaths in and out and briefly biting the inside of her cheeks for Adriana to be able to force back her tears this time and be able to shake her head, managing a reply out loud.

"No….it's okay."

"Yeah, that's bullshit too, because you look like you can barely manage standing up, let alone walking around and doing typical daily tasks," Santana was unbelieving. She came forward then, wrapping a gentle arm around Adriana's waist, but jerked back, her mouth dropping open when Adriana gave a hiss of pain at the contact with her ribs. "Fuck, Adriana, what the hell happened to you?"

Adriana didn't answer, not trusting herself then to find the words. Instead she took Santana's arm and limply indicated for her to wrap it around her shoulders instead, a more neutral area to help support her. Santana's grip around her was firm yet gentle, protective, and she hovered close to her as she walked at her twin's pace, helping her down the hallway into their bedroom.

It was Adriana's intention that once they were inside the relative privacy of their room, she would get into her bed, though how she would manage that, given that the top bunk in her current awkward state would be very difficult to get up onto. But Santana nipped this in the bud, gesturing to her lower bunk and not releasing Adriana to move away.

"Since you're about as mobile as Tiny Tim right now, you can have my bottom bunk. You can effusively thank me however you please, preferably with cash donations, when you're less zombified. But right now you're gonna tell me what the hell happened."

"Tana, I'm tired. I just want to go to sleep, I don't want to-" Adriana started, but her sister was faster, more determined, and much more insistent than she was. With one swift motion she reached for the bottom of Adriana's shirt, pulling it up to expose her torso and most of her breasts. Gaping at the bruised and bandaged skin she saw beneath, Santana turned to her with renewed fury blazing in her eyes, her fists balled up at her sides as she nearly spat out her questions to her.

"What the FUCK, Adriana, did someone take a fucking baseball bat to you?! No, don't even try to beg off, you're telling me what the hell happened and who the hell did this to you, right fucking now!"

Adriana felt her throat choke up, the entirely too familiar and uncomfortable heat rising into her eyes again in her effort to stop the tears that were so persistent in threatening to overtake her. She sniffled, swallowing hard as she adjusted once more to her sister's rage not at her, but for her. She knew that Santana would put herself at risk for her sake, that she would have taken on Adriana's battle and any of the pain it would have brought her, and considered it a fair trade, to avoid it happening to Adriana instead. How was it that she had been so lucky as to get a sister that cared that much, even after Adriana had left her, in Santana's eyes, betrayed her? How could Adriana have done that to her?

"I don't want to talk about it, San," she managed, her eyes closing briefly, but Santana was insistent. Taking her by the shoulders, she shook her head emphatically, her eyes seeking Adriana's out and forcing her not to look away.

"Oh no, don't even think you can give me that. It was that stupid fucking chick you ran off with, wasn't it? That stupid bitch you got all goo goo over and thought was your damn princess charming, she fucking hit you, didn't she?"

"No, she didn't," Adriana tried, but Santana wasn't buying it. Her grip on Adriana tightened unconsciously as she shook her head, her dark hair hitting Adriana's cheeks.

"Bullshit! Someone did, and she's the only person you'd want to protect, isn't she? She hit you! You ran off with this bitch and she hit you!"

Adriana couldn't hold it in any longer then. Her head tipped forward further, her chin almost touching her chest, and she started to cry, softly but with genuine anguish, her tears dripping down her cheeks and dropping towards her chest. She was aware of Santana's hands on her loosening, of the awkward discomfort and even guilt come over her expression as Santana's chest rose and fell with her sigh, her hands lifting to give her an uncomfortable pat.

"Okay, Adri, I'm sorry, okay? We'll talk later. Just…stop crying, okay? Shit. You know I fucking hate to see you cry."

She hesitated, then slowly helped Adriana to sit on the lower bunk of their bed, hovering over her uncertainly before deciding to sit beside her, only a few inches away. She stayed still, seeming to still be unsure of what to do, before she licked her lips, asking almost roughly, "Do you want me to hold your hand?"

Adriana was touched by this question from her. As far back as she could remember, Santana had been uncomfortable and almost desperate to end any tears from her twin. If Adriana had been a more manipulative person, she would have used it more often to her advantage, because any tears on her part were almost always a guarantee to get her way and stop Santana's quick anger in response to her. But there was no manipulation in her crying then, only a weariness and sadness that had overwhelmed her past the point of her control any longer. She nodded slightly in response to Santana's question, and when Santana took her hand in hers, she let her head come to rest on her sister's shoulder, taking comfort in her proximity.

Santana remained silent, her arm protectively circling Adriana's shoulders, for perhaps five minutes' time. Then she spoke up tentatively, her voice rough with worry, and Adriana saw that her brow was furrowed, eyebrows scrunched together as she looked over at her.

"Uh…do you want to go to sleep? Do you need to take any pills or something? Did they give you something at the hospital?"

"I took it before I left," Adriana told her quietly, not lifting her head from Santana's shoulder, and she felt her sister nod, her breath coming out in an exhale.

"Okay…"

Another few minutes passed as Adriana gathered herself, breathing in and out slowly through her nose. She felt comfort at the familiar warm feeling of her sister's body close to hers, the sound of her breath beside her, the floral scent of her shampoo, and she began to relax further when Santana's thumb slowly began to rub over the back of her hand. She let her eyes half close, feeling her breathing even out, and she spoke without quite realizing that she intended to, her words directed as much at herself as they were to Santana.

"It wasn't Amanda who hit me. It was her boyfriend."

Santana jerked away from her then, eyebrows shooting up towards her brow, and she sputtered more than a little incredulously as she stared with near unbelief at her twin.

"Her BOYFRIEND? What the hell, she had a BOYFRIEND?"

Adriana nodded faintly, pressing her lips back together to keep back the tears that suddenly seemed eager to reemerge. She almost regretted telling her her sister; Santana was not about to drop her interest in this unexpected fact.

"Why the hell was she screwing around with you if she had a boyfriend?! Please tell me she wasn't literally screwing you, Adri, there's no telling what gross STD she gave you if she's that much of a skank. God, don't tell me she was pregnant and boyfriend queerest came after you. Fuck, Adri, how did you not read the signs that she was playing you? Don't you know the difference between a gay chick and a chick that just wants to play around with you and fuck with your head?" Then she shook her head, as though to answer her own question. "Who am I kidding, of course you don't, you probably don't even know where your own pleasure spots are. Of course you wouldn't know what the hell you were getting into with that bitch."

"Santana," Adriana managed, even as tears started to trickle down her cheeks again. She swiped at her cheeks, embarrassed, but they kept coming. It didn't make her very happy, but they were in response to Santana calling Amanda names as much as they were to the knowledge that Santana was right. Even now, it was so hard for her to admit that. "Santana, please…"

She couldn't seem to form a sentence much more complex than that outside her own thoughts, and her sister looked over at her almost guiltily, letting out a heavy sigh, even as her fists flexed unconsciously in her lap. With seeming effort, Santana released a fierce breath through her nose, then reached again for Adriana's hand, squeezing as she spoke.

"Okay, okay, we won't talk about it now. I get it. I'll leave you be for tonight. But…fuck, Adri, just…fuck. Do you know how fucking pissed off that makes me, hearing that someone would…" she cut herself off, shaking her head hard as though unable to say the words aloud, the tendons of her neck standing out. "Fuck. I swear, I'm gonna beat the shit out of both of them, or get one of the guys who've got my back at school to do it for me, promise. They'll pay for this, okay? Don't worry, they're gonna be sorry they ever laid eyes on you, let alone their hands."

"Sanny…can we stop talking now?" Adriana whispered, her hand tightening in her sister's as she pressed her forehead back against her shoulder. "Please, can we stop? Please."

Santana nodded begrudgingly, but Adriana could tell that even if she wasn't speaking, her thoughts were still racing at a rapid clip through her mind, and her emotions were no lesser.

"Okay. Okay, we'll stop."

And she did, letting them fall into a silence broken only by Adriana's soft sniffles and their slightly heightened breaths. It was Adriana herself who broke the silence some ten minutes later, her voice muffled into Santana's shirt.

"I feel stupid…so stupid for letting that happen to me. Stupid and…and…and weak."

"Hey, you're not stupid," Santana defended automatically, before pausing, seeming to reconsider this. "Okay, well, you're not stupid as a general rule, but yeah, it was pretty stupid to do what you did and I told you that before it ever happened. But the dude hitting you, that wasn't you stupid or weak, and you didn't let anything happen to you. That was him being a complete piece of shit douchebag twice your size, so don't take away his blame on that. You were stupid to be with any bitch who would date a guy like that, but not for getting hurt. At least, not the beat up kind of hurt."

"She hasn't called me," Adriana mumbled, eyes closed, the grief of this revelation heavy in her voice. "She hasn't even texted me. And when I called her, she had changed her voicemail…it told me to stop calling. Her voicemail, Sanny. For everyone to hear, anyone who ever calls her. They'll all think I'm pathetic…she wants them to think that. And she's right."

"She's not right!" Santana countered heatedly, despite the fact that she herself had used the precise same adjective when she first lay eyes on Adriana. "She's a fucking vicious bitch who's covering her own ass because she probably thinks if she doesn't, her Chris Brown wannabe of a guy is gonna go after her next. You watch, Adri, she'll be the one in the hospital next. Or else the morgue. She'll get what's coming to her."

"But I don't want her to be hurt," Adriana whispered, admitting this then to herself as much as to Santana. "I just don't want her to hurt me either. I want her to care that I was hurt…just because she doesn't, doesn't mean I want her to be hurt too."

Santana sighed loudly at this, and although she didn't look up, Adriana knew her sister was probably scowling, almost definitely rolling her eyes. She felt Santana shake her head, but her sister didn't contradict her.

"Whatever…let's just go to sleep, okay? You'll feel better tomorrow after you get some rest."

She helped Adriana to lie back then in the bottom bunk, arranging the blanket gently in such a way that it wouldn't be overly bunched up against her ribs. She was pulling back, starting to put her foot on the ladder to climb to the top bunk, when Adriana called out to her, biting her lip immediately after.

"San…?"

Santana turned her head, pausing, and raised a questioning eyebrow at her, one hand on her hip. Adriana paused, self conscious, but also guilty for making the request even before it left her mouth.

"Can you…can you stay with me? On the bottom bunk? When we sleep, I mean…"

Normally, she knew, Santana would have complied with the request, if she made it, but not without first mocking her a little or giving her a hard time. But she didn't say a word about it that night. She just stepped down off the ladder and helped Adriana move over enough to make room for her, shifting the blanket to share. And when Adriana's arm snaked around her waist, her head bowing once again to rest on her shoulder Santana let her stay close, not even protesting when Adriana's fingers begin to twirl her hair- an unconscious habit dating from their childhood. Even at seventeen, any time she was sad, frightened, or nervous, it was Adriana's first impulse to reach out for the comforting feel of her sister's hair between her fingers.

Still, despite the weight of Adriana's head against her shoulder, her fingers mussing her hair, and the rather cramped quarters of the small shared space of her bed, Santana said nothing, making no effort to move away. It was because of this, the lack of words rather than any she could have chosen to speak, that Adriana understood that her sister forgave her, and just how much she loved her.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day was a school day, but Adriana's abuela told her, when she attempted to rise, that she would not be going. Adriana expected a long lecture out of her when Santana left, and she knew that Santana did too, from the way her sister kept giving her somewhat worried glances as she walked towards the front door. Adriana picked at her breakfast and tried to steel herself against anything her abuela might have to say.

But Alma Lopez didn't say a word. In fact, she spent the long hours that Santana was in school and that she was alone in the house with Adriana avoiding even looking at her, let alone speaking any words that weren't strictly necessary.

As the day went on and it became more and more clear to Adriana that her abuela was steering clear of her, her heart sink and her stomach turned over with her shame. Her abuela was either so disgusted or so angry with her that it seemed she had washed her hands of her as much as she was able to while still living in the same home. She was so disappointed in her that she didn't even bother to say so out loud, and she had given up on Adriana ever doing anything to make up for what she must see as the shame she had brought her. She was ignoring her as she did Santana now, and that was only with the knowledge that she had run away and been beaten. What would she think if she knew the truth behind where Adriana had been and what she had been doing? What would she do if she realized that Adriana was a lesbian too?

The idea was terrifying to Adriana, and so she strove to keep out of her abuela's sight as much as possible, as though not to remind her of her returned presence in the home. She stayed mostly in her room, calling no attention to herself, and when Santana came home from school the relief she felt that there was at last someone who would speak to her and acknowledge her was intense.

Adriana knew that Santana was still worried about her; it was rare for her to come straight home after school instead of hanging out with her friends until curfew. But Santana stayed in, not talking to Adriana all that much as she played on her cell phone and listened to music, but the fact that she was in close proximity when it wasn't required meant a lot to Adriana.

Adriana slept again with Santana that night, and again, Santana did not complain, nor did she ask any questions about what had happened or just when it was that Adriana would start acting more normally. Instead, her sister let Adriana curl close, her head against her shoulder, her fingers twined in her hair, and she didn't even tease her for what Adriana knew Santana must see as her weakness.

Adriana wasn't sure what to expect on the following day, as Santana readied for school again. She didn't know when or if her abuela expected her to resume classes, or if she expected, now that Adriana had left school once, that she would simply drop out. But her abuela surprised her by coming to stand in the doorway of the twins' bedroom while Santana was in the shower, addressing Adriana without quite looking her in the eye.

"You will be coming with me to Santana's school today. I have spoken with the principal of your former school and it has been decided that you will switch to her school given the circumstances of your recent actions. You will come with me today and meet with the principal of Santana's school in order to set up expectations for you and your schoolwork and to determine your schedule. If the meeting goes well then you will begin school tomorrow."

Alma Lopez had not given her any time to ask questions or process what she had been told, but rather simply walked away without another glance towards her granddaughter. Adriana had frozen, trying to understand what she had just been told. Switching schools? She had heard Santana complain about her new school often enough that the thought was intimidating. It would be good, on one hand, to have her sister present for a sense of security and protection, but on the other hand, starting completely over with kids she didn't know and classes she was unprepared for, especially with healing bruises on her face and throat, was so intimidating that Adriana felt sick at the thought of it. How could she start a school looking like the victim of an assault?

But if Abuela had made up her mind, there was little that Adriana could do to change it. Knowing this, she got herself up and ready for the day, trying not to show in her face any emotion that her abuela would not want to see- if she ever bothered to look.

88

The meeting with the principal didn't go too badly; she was a woman, and seemed sympathetic to Adriana's situation. Looking over Adriana's records, she had reassured her that given her lack of disciplinary records and her good grades, the fact that she had missed so many days during her walkabout would not necessarily mark against her, if she were able to take classes in the summer to make up for it. The principal had not commented on Adriana's injuries, except to ask one question to ascertain that they had not happened at home. Adriana had known that she pitied her, from the soft way that she looked at her and the gentle tone she used when speaking, and this, paired with the stiff formality that her abuela had spoken with, indicating her embarrassment of Adriana, was enough for Adriana's throat to choke up and make it difficult to speak above a whisper. No matter how nice the principal seemed, or how quickly she would be able to make up missed work, she was still ashamed of herself for the fact that this meeting was even required. It only seemed to emphasize to her the enormity of her own mistakes.

When Adriana told her sister what the plan was, she had watched as Santana's brow furrowed, and her sister looked her straight in the eye, her concern showing obviously as she started to tell her what she saw as the rules of William McKinley High School.

"Okay, first off, Adri, you gotta make up your story now and you gotta stick to it, because if you walk in there with your head down and don't say a word and you got those bruises all over your face, you're gonna be a walking target straight off the bat. I'll help you with the bruises, we can put a shit load of makeup on to try to cover up that, but the attitude thing, that's on you. You need to pick an image you want to give out and don't let it drop for a second. I'm serious, sis," she had warned her, and her dark eyes were indeed intense as she reached out to take Adriana's hand, squeezing it in hers. "Look, this school, it ain't what we were used to, with the gangs and the drugs out in the open and no one giving a shit about what anyone else was doing and just looking to skate through the day. This school is rough in a whole other way, because here, everyone gives a fuck what everyone else is doing and if you aren't up to their standards of okay, you're nothing, and believe me, Adri, you don't want to be nothing. The ones they really hate- well let's just say that you're gonna be christened via Slushee or develop a nice new scent called dumper, 'cause that's where you're gonna spend every day after school when the jock douches toss you in."

Adriana had blanched at Santana's description, more apprehensive than ever. Their former high school had been as Santana described, with frequent fighting and police positioned in nearly every hallway. She had gotten through her day by doing exactly what Santana was telling her not to do now, keeping her head down and staying quiet. Now, apparently, this was a liability.

"What….what should I act like?" she had asked, almost dreading the reply, as Santana didn't hesitate to lay out what were the laws of William McKinley High school, as she saw them.

"Well, you already got two strikes against you, same as me, since you're Latina and you're a lesbian. You can't deny the Latina but you sure as can deny the lesbian, so don't even think of checking out chick asses, do not go there. If you can't do the guy dating thing, then just act like you're too good for all the losers in the school, or find a gay dude to be your beard. Dress sharp, none of those goofy t-shirts and floral skirt things you wore last year, and I guess you can be quiet if you want but if someone gets in your face, stick up for yourself, damn it, give it back to them. And don't let your ditz side show, 'cause that, they'll think you really are stupid and not just an honorary blonde, and they'll take advantage if you let them. If someone gropes your ass turn around and slap them in the face. If they talk shit, tell them you're from Lima Heights and you carry razors in your hair, that's what I say."

Adriana blinked at her sister, trying to wrap her mind around this last casual suggestion.

"Santana…you don't carry razors in your hair," she ventured.

Santana rolled her eyes, scoffing, as though amazed at her sister's lack of comprehension. "Obviously, but they don't know that."

"But it wouldn't even be possible," Adriana persisted, her brow creasing as she continued to struggle with this mental image. "They would slip out of your hair, and it would cut your scalp, and if you ran your hand through your hair by accident-"

"Jesus, Adri, this is exactly what you shouldn't be doing at this school," Santana had griped, heaving a huge sigh. "It sounds badass, okay, it doesn't matter if it's logical! And if you meet some dork who argues like you just did, just say don't try to put logic to Lopez. That's what I say too."

Adriana continued to blink at her sister. She, a rather logical person to the point of often being too literal, couldn't imagine saying such a thing. Seeming to give up on explaining further, Santana went on.

"So pick a group and stick with it, 'cause once you're in it, ain't no crossing over to another. Me, I'm with the cheerleaders and jocks. I'm not a cheerleader yet but I'm gonna be next week, try outs for mid season are starting and I know it's mine. You should try out too. But whatever you do, don't get stuck with the geeks and weirdos, and god forbid you fall in with the gleeks. You'll never survive if you do something that stupid."

Adriana had no idea how she would identify a geek or weirdo, and she didn't even know what a gleek was. Her brain was too full of too many ideas she couldn't quite process, and so she simply stayed quiet, the anxiety tensing up her face to the point that Santana sighed again, giving her an awkward hug.

"You'll be okay. Even if you end up being one of the weirdos, I'm your sister, and I'm pretty damn awesome. I won't let anyone fuck with you even if you embarrass the shit out of me and kinda ruin my game, all right?"

She was trying to be sweet, and Adriana knew that she was sincere as well. But somehow that didn't help. What if she was so lame and shunned in this school that even her sister was brought down by her?

She lay awake for most of the night, only her injured ribs keeping her from tossing and turning. What sleep she had was fitful and plagued with nightmares, and in the morning, it took all her will to dress, prepare herself for the day, and pick at the food Santana made her eat before letting her work on concealing the injuries to her face. Santana had already told her, without asking if it was what she wanted, that she would sit with her on the bus, at least for the first day, and although she didn't hold her hand as they sat down, Adriana nevertheless felt better at her wordless support.

As they had stepped onto the bus together, Adriana had noticed heads turn, giving a double take; clearly no one had been aware that Santana Lopez was a twin. The reactions were even more obvious when the two walked together into the high school, Santana just ahead of Adriana, head up, shoulders squared, not giving her sister a glance behind her to make sure she was following. Santana didn't acknowledge the looks, acting as though she had always previously arrived with a double at her side, and as she showed Adriana to the home room that had been put on her schedule, she gave her a brief pat on the shoulder before walking off. Left on her own, overcome with her nerves, Adriana had walked forward, taking a seat where the teacher indicated for her.

The rest of the day wasn't horrific, but perhaps that was because Adriana spent most of it in a self conscious daze, simply trying to struggle through with as little attention drawn to herself as possible. Many time she was addressed by another student by her sister's name and would have to stumble through her explanation that she was her twin, recently transferred. A few had scoffed, thinking her to be playing a prank, and Adriana hadn't bothered to correct them. She tried to remember Santana's advice about projecting an image, but she couldn't think of an image to portray, let alone give a convincing performance of it, so she had instead just settled for shuffling through her day- exactly what Santana had told her not to do.

When her lunch period came, Adriana was more nervous than ever. She didn't know what she was supposed to eat, where she was supposed to sit, and who it would be okay to sit with. Certainly no one had invited her to, and what if she sat down and it turned out to be someone else's seat?

Feeling trapped, she had stood by the cafeteria door, trying not to chew on her lower lip, and all too aware of the hot tears stinging her eyes. She had noticed Santana sitting at a table, surrounded by several young men in letter jackets and girls in expensive clothes and cheering outfits, but she had known better than to go sit with her. She didn't want to make her sister look bad, and she knew she would never fit in with her friends. She had noticed Santana glance over at her furtively a few times, her brow furrowed as though concerned, but her sister had made no move to go to her, and so Adriana stood, trying to decide what to do.

The decision was taken out of her hands when another student walked up to her, and before she had even come within close enough distance that Adriana was sure she was addressing her at all, started to talk to her in amazingly rapid speed, her eyes wide with earnestness at her own words.

"Do you not know the proper procedure for how to proceed in the cafeteria? It is fairly simple, if you are buying school lunch you simply get in the line corresponding with the lunch that you choose for the day. There is the salad bar line to the left, the soup and sandwich bar to the right, and the main meal of the day line in the middle. I would not advice that line as I believe that they are having meat of a mysterious substance I have yet to identify in that line today, but if you are adventurous or have a strong stomach, and if you are not vegan as I am myself, then I suppose that would be your decision to make that choice. If you choose to eat from the vending machines they are located by the door which leads to the outside courtyard. And if you choose to have a slushy, well, they are located near the drink machines, but if you do choose a slushy, and if you choose to use it to dump upon my personage rather than to consume, I ask that you please choose cherry flavor, because I am wearing a red sweater today and the stains will be less noticeable."

As Adriana blinked, more than a little taken back by this large amount of information to process, she tried to form words, coming up with only one response.

"I'm not going to…dump a slushy on you?"

It came out more like a question, but the girl simply nodded, showing no real relief at this statement.

"Well, I do hope so, but if you change your mind when you find your own social clique in the future, I will not take offense. I have come to expect that I will rarely encounter a day which does not require at least one change of clothing on my part. But I do hope that I was helpful in pointing out to you how it is that you can acquire food here. Although if you have a bag lunch then I suppose the question then becomes a social one, which would be where, as a new student, you are to sit. I thought at first that you were Santana Lopez and I was rather perplexed at your expression and your posture, but then I saw that Santana is of course still sitting with her friends, the Cheerios, and that you must of course be her twin sister or at the very least her cousin. I didn't know that she had a twin, she hasn't mentioned you, though of course the only time she ever speaks to me is to insult my nose or my height or my clothing choice of the day, or to tell me to stop speaking. So I suppose I wouldn't have been informed of her familial composition. Did Santana tell you that you can't sit with her, is that why you look so terrified? Did she threaten to dump a slushy on you if you publically acknowledged her existence? Is she ashamed of you, because you are the good twin and she is the bad one? They always do seem to have oppositional twins in stories, is that actually true?"

The girl was speaking so rapidly and asking so many questions at once that it was making Adriana feel dizzy. She blinked again, clearing her throat, and glanced towards her sister's table- where Santana was, she noticed, eyeing her with a sharpness to her gaze, her eyes narrowing in what looked like near alarm. Adriana could see that Santana was trying to send her some sort of message with her expression, but she looked away, instead turning back to the girl who was now waiting for Adriana's response to her.

"Um…it's my first day here. I just transferred…I guess I don't really know where to go, I don't know anyone yet."

"Oh, well, that certainly must be disorienting," the girl asserted, nodding as though understanding perfectly what Adriana was saying. "And knowing this school, I suppose the only assistance in that direction you have received has been silly pick up lines from boys who think you are sexually attractive and perhaps incorrect directions from girls who are jealous of your beauty. No worries, you don't look as though you are as standoffish and impolite as your sister- she is your sister, isn't she?- and so I am certainly glad to be helpful if you would like to accept any assistance I can give. My name is Rachel Berry, by the way, and as I am in every club that the school offers to its student body, then I am very familiar with the school's layout and I can direct you to any location you might need to attend."

Again Adriana could only blink, taking a few moments to catch up with Rachel's fast paced words. Once she thought she had grasped most of it, she nodded slowly, taking Rachel's expectantly offered hand to shake.

"Uh…yes, she is my sister. Santana. We're twins. I'm Adriana. Adriana Lopez, of course. Sometimes I go by Adri, but I guess only Santana calls me that."

"Adriana. That's very pretty," Rachel told her, giving her hand a firm shake, and Adriana was surprised by how soft the girl's skin was, how long the handshake lingered- and how nervous it made her feel to hold Rachel's intense eye contact. "It suits you. If Santana calls you Adri then I won't take that away from her, I suppose she would be angry if she were to think I were copying or mocking her. Would it be all right then if I called you Ana? Adriana is a lovely name, but it is a little long."

"Um….sure," Adriana told her, startled by the request, but not unwilling. "If you want."

"I do, if that's all right. So, Ana, if you don't have anywhere to sit, you are welcome to sit with my friends and I. Then again, I suppose our social standing might be a consideration of importance to you because frankly, it is not high. We are considered to be what many term as Lima Losers, and if popularity is within your goals of how you would best like to experience your high school time, well, certainly you would be best served in not choosing our lunch table upon which to join. I am quite certain a girl of your obvious physical attributes could easily integrate herself into a social group of higher status with some effort. I can assist you in pointing out other groups in which you may become involved, if you would like. If you are anything like your sister-"

But Adriana was already shaking her head, denying Rachel's offer. There was something about the girl that was appealing to her, despite the way she sort of her hurt her head to try to understand everything she said at once.

"I'm not my sister," she said instead, making an effort to meet Rachel's eyes and give her a smile. "I'd…I'd be happy to sit with you and your friends. If you want me to."

Rachel's face broke out into a smile then, and for the first time, Adriana realized that the girl, who was attractive already in an unusual, slightly unconventional way, was beautiful when her eyes lit up with genuine happiness.

"Oh, I want you to! I mean, we want you to. Well, I know that I do, anyway, and I'm sure they'll all be glad to welcome you as well. Come on, come with me!"

And the girl had taken her hand in hers without any seeming sign of discomfort in the gesture, as though holding hands with other girls she had just met was something she did without a second thought. Adriana had felt her face flush, her lips curving into a self conscious smile, but she had let Rachel take her hand, and she had followed her- her eyes just for a moment dropping to check out the girl's retreating backside.

Definitely, the girl wasn't unattractive. She had long, thick dark hair, shiny and straight, and her brown eyes were wide and expressive, almost too much so. Her lips were full and looked soft, and though her nose was a bit large, it wasn't badly shaped, and her smile was truly stunning. Okay, so her clothes were a little weird- Adriana had never seen a teenaged girl wear a sweater with a bunny on it before, especially with a plaid skirt and argyle tights- but it was sort of cute, really. Adriana couldn't understand why Rachel was someone people would dump slushies on, especially when she seemed so nice.

As they passed her sister's table, her hand still clasped in Rachel's loosely, Adriana glanced Santana's way quickly, just in time to see her twin's open mouthed horror as she shook her head madly at Adriana, slashing at her throat as though to tell her that she was absolutely making the wrong choice. But Adriana ignored her, looking away and holding her head just a little bit higher. So her sister disapproved. Well, Adriana disapproved of things that Santana did too, so all that did was make them a little more even.


	7. Chapter 7

"You screwed up in a major way," was Santana's first words to Adriana, the moment she met her that evening in their shared bedroom, even before she had fully closed their bedroom door. Stalking in a slightly agitated circle around the small interior of their bedroom, she shook her head in disbelief, throwing her hands up in the air once more as she continued to shake her head. "I mean, I did everything I could think of to educate you, everything I could to prepare you for the hellhole that they call McKinley High, and still, still you manage to skate past every single freaking warning I could come up with and land on about the absolute worst thing you could do to NOT draw negative attention to yourself, and, by the way, to me by extension. I mean, everyone knows by now that I wouldn't be stupid enough to willingly have a conversation with Rachel Berry that wasn't consisting solely of insults, let alone to actually sit down with her in full view of other people in the middle of the freaking cafeteria, but everyone also knows that you not only are my sister, you're my freaking identical twin. Do you know how long I had to stay after school not just for Cheerio try outs but to try to make some damage control on your behalf, Adriana? I've been explaining to everyone I see that you had a major car accident at your previous school that accounts not only for the bruises, because you also let the makeup wear off by fifth period, by the way, but also the fact that you are obviously concussed if you can't see loser flashing in neon letters at you right from Rachel Berry's googly eyes. How could you actually go SIT with her?!"

From where she was sitting at the stool in front of their dresser, Adriana shook her head, reproachful of her sister's attitude.

"You're being very mean, Tana. She seems perfectly nice to me. In fact, she's the only person in the entire school who was nice to me, and the first one to do it too. She was the only one who came up and offered to help me, and she was the only one who asked me to sit with her, including you, by the way," she couldn't resist getting a little jab in. "So I did. Why is that so awful?"

"Excuse you, I did help you. Both before and after school started," Santana shot back, offended. She crossed her arms, looking down her nose at her sister with a scowl. "If you'll remember, I told you every step of the social ladder, I sat with you on the bus, and I walked you to your first class. Excuse me if you can't figure out any more of the day on your own. And she isn't nice, she's desperate. She's trying to rope you into being one of the very few people willing to associate with her and tolerate her shrill and always running mouth without slushying her in the process."

"Well, I think it's awful that people actually throw slushies on her in this school," Adriana mumbled, shaking her head. "I hope you never did that to her or anyone else, Tana."

She noticed that her sister didn't answer the question. In fact, she ignored it entirely as she continued her rant. "Adri, do you want to survive this school year or not?" Santana demanded, moving her hands to her hips as she looked at her twin piercingly. "Because right now it looks like you're trying to commit social suicide."

"I don't want to be mean just to fit in with other people," Adriana protested, exhaling. "Maybe those people aren't worth fitting in with. They're the people like Amanda, Sanny. The people like…like her boyfriend. I don't care if they like me or not. I don't want them to. I just don't want to be like them."

She had watched, feeling no regret over it, when her twin flinched, guilt coming into her eyes. Santana's lips had pressed together tightly, her dark eyes growing damp, as she reached out suddenly and hugged Adriana tightly, her hands pressing hard into her back. Adriana hugged her back, feeling in her sister's grasp her apology, her sorrow at the reminder, and she forgave her silently through the embrace, letting her head rest against her sister's shoulder as though to tell her without words she was okay. She and Santana were different in many ways, and they often disagreed with each other's thought process, but she knew that no matter how much they didn't always understand each other and no matter how strange they might think each other's ideas at time, Santana would always have her back, in the end, and she knew that she would have Santana's as well.

Santana didn't apologize when she released Adriana, reaching to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. That wasn't her style, even if Adriana could see the apology in her gaze. Instead, she just lowered her voice, sincerity in her tone as she spoke.

"I just…I get what you're saying, Adri, I do. You don't want to be a bully and I respect that, it's just not you. But you don't have to be a bully to just…I don't know, ignore her? I just…I don't want you to be a target. Or me."

Adriana could understand her sister's concern, could even appreciate it. But the truth was that it wasn't needed. At least she hoped it wasn't.

"Sanny, they were nice though. All of them. Mercedes, Tina, Artie, Kurt, they were all really nice-"

"God, the loudmouth black girl, the stuttering Goth chick, the dork in the wheelchair, and the flaming gay kid?" Santana interrupted, disbelief and near horror coloring her tone as she shook her head, actually bringing her fingers to her temples to massage. "Really nice? Why don't you just go ahead and tattoo 'I want to be a loser' on your forehead right now, 'cause that's what you just announced to the whole school by sitting with them and calling them nice. Shit, next thing I know she's gonna be recruiting you to join Glee with her."

"What would be wrong with that?" Adriana asked, genuinely wondering. "It sounded like a lot of fun."

Her sister's eyes grew even wider, if possible, and she shook her head again, lips pressing back together.

"No. Oh no, no…she's already got her claws in deep, and now she's dragging you under in her pool of loserdom, you're about one breath from drowning and being resurrected as the unredeemable dork princess. Damn, Adri, I know you have dork tendencies, but do you really have to sink to Rachel Berry dork levels?"

"What's wrong with Glee?" Adriana protested, frowning over at her sister's dramatically gesturing frame. "You like singing and dancing too, Tana, and from what Rachel said it sounds like cheerleading only with singing added in. Which is pretty cool. I'm kind of thinking about it."

"No!" Santana put both hands up like a stop sign, shaking her head adamantly. "Total no, total absolute no. It is NOT cheerleading, cheerleading is cool and Glee is only for the bottom feeding losers of Lima. Just no, Adriana, please no."

"And what's wrong with Rachel?" Adriana continued, genuinely wondering. "I mean, I know she talks really fast and uses a lot of big words, but being smart is cool. You're smart too, you just don't really let people see it too much. And I know her clothes are a little weird, but she's really smart and nice…and she's pretty too-"

"NO!" Santana half shouted, shaking her head so hard Adriana saw a tendon standing out. "No no no, you cannot get a crush on Rachel freaking Berry, Adriana Lopez, don't do it, just don't do it! That's the worst damn thing you can do in this school! You do not show your gay colors, and especially not for Rachel Berry! God, I can't even deal with this right now. I got to get my sanity back by talking to Britts about ducks or her drug addict cat or something, that makes a hell of a lot more sense to me than the conversation I'm having with you right now."

But as her sister fumbled for her phone, fingers jabbing madly as she pecked out her texts to the cheerleader- whose name had been on her lips quite a lot lately, Adriana had noticed- Adriana sat on her bed, thinking to herself. Would it really be so bad to have a crush on Rachel Berry?

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"This truly is exciting," Rachel Berry was gushing, her voice slightly higher in pitch than usual but every bit as fast in speed as she continued forward at a rapid pace, one hand on Adriana's inner elbow as she propelled her forward, continuing to narrate seemingly every thought that was going through her head as she guided the taller girl into the choir room. "It has been such a difficult process, trying to recruit other members into the Glee club, though I truly do not understand why because I am certain there is considerable talent in this school, musically, if only they would put forth a little dedication and effort and time into improving themselves. I admit, there is certainly no other talents as formidable as mine, but surely there are many with voices that are acceptable at least to blend into the harmony of my solos. I do not understand at all why there have not been more people who are interested in joining us, and as I am sure I have already informed you, in order for us to compete in the competitions we must have a minimum of twelve performers in the club, and as of now we are short by several, so I really am quite pleased that you are going to come to a meeting and see if you are interested in trying out, Adriana, I am quite certain that you will thoroughly enjoy the experience and I do hope that you will choose to join. I haven't heard you sing yet, of course, but you have a very rich quality to your voice, and it isn't quite as deep as Santana's in intonation nor is it usually filled with such an unpleasant emotion when you speak and I do believe that you would be a very skilled alto with some work. Which of course I will be happy to help you with, I certainly believe in lending my considerable talents and knowledge to less skilled persons if it will help with our cause. And of course you are a very attractive girl as well and it will certainly help to have people who are more conventionally lovely to appear as part of our performance, not that the others are not quite attractive as well, of course, but your features will lend even more diversity to our already quite varied group and that certainly isn't a bad thing."

Adriana could barely follow the first sentence of what Rachel was telling her, let alone the next thirty that came after it. She tried to nod and smile, knowing that her smile was probably sticking to her face and making her look even more anxious than she already felt. It was bad enough that she was walking into a new social environment, one that her sister had termed an absolute disaster to join up with, and then there was the factor of Rachel standing so close to her, her hand on the bare skin of Adriana's arm, and how her hip was just lightly brushing hers as she pulled her forward.

It was only the second day of knowing the girl, and her sister had warned her in every possible way she could think to not to become involved, let alone get a crush. But how was she supposed to resist that when Rachel was so touchy-feely and smiley at her, especially since so few other people in the school were even remotely friendly?

"You can sit up front, with me," Rachel was instructing as she continued to propel Adriana forward. "Of course, as the designated captain of Glee club, my usual seat is in the front and center so my voice can most clearly be heard by all. Now, I may arrange for you to sit in another part of the choir room once I have a better idea of the range and quality of your voice, but for now you will most likely feel most comfortable as the newest and least experienced of the group if you have someone such as myself to help guide you."

Adriana wasn't arguing. She sat beside Rachel, accepting the friendly smiles of Artie and Mercedes and giving them somewhat timid waves in response to their greetings. As a man in his thirties entered the room, inclining his head towards her in curious acknowledgment, she flushed as Rachel leapt to her feet, gesturing towards Adriana somewhat dramatically.

"Mr. Shuester, this is Adriana Lopez, twin sister of Santana Lopez, another student in the school whom I am sure you have become familiar with by now, due to the excessive negative comments she has towards the Glee club and its members, both individually and collectively. Adriana, however, is quite amiable in personality thus far and appears interested in trying out the experience of the club to see if it is to her liking. I personally hope that it is because she would be a very welcome addition to the group."

Adriana noticed more than a few of the other students rolling their eyes at Rachel's breathless speech. She was sure that her own sister would have done the same, were she there to listen to it. But even though it took her some concentration to follow along with Rachel's words, she found herself feeling strangely protective towards the other girl. She wanted to give looks to each of the people who were being disrespectful towards her, telling them to back off, but she was the new girl, and she didn't want the same looks cast her way, so she stayed quiet, biting her lip and waiting to see Mr. Shuester's reaction.

He looked rather used to Rachel's way of speaking, if not a little weary, and he smiled at Adriana, nodding acknowledgement to her as he greeted her too.

"Very glad to have you here, Adriana. Feel free to join in as you're comfortable and if you decide you enjoy this, as Rachel said, we would be happy to have you become part of our group."

Adriana returned his smile, a little more hesitantly, and then sat back, prepared to watch the group at work.

It was certainly a fascinating experience. She observed, with no shortage of interest, as the other students warmed up with scales, then began to divide sheet music to sing parts. She joined in hesitantly with singing scales, but only watched as they began to work together to choreograph movements along with the singing parts of the song they were working on. She found herself nearly breathless, leaning forward with intense interest as they argued and mocked and occasionally grew upset with each other and differences of opinion, yet in the end, they seemed to draw together for one common goal. By the end of the practice they had made considerable progress with the number, and Adriana found herself smiling, thoroughly enjoying watching the process in motion. She wanted to be a part of it. She wanted to be singing and dancing and putting her ideas forward too, and a few times found herself starting to make a suggestion before stopping herself, too shy, and unsure if it would be welcome.

By the end of the practice, when Rachel returned to her, eagerly asking her opinion, Adriana had already made her decision. Her sister's judgment wasn't even a factor in her mind as she nodded decisively, giving Rachel a full on smile.

"I want to join the Glee club. Can I do that today?"


	8. Chapter 8

Glee was harder than it looked to simply observe. Once Adriana had joined, she realized, upon the afternoon of her first practice, that compared to most of the others, she was going to have to work harder and try more often in order to catch up.

For one thing, she couldn't read sheet music, and she had no previous experience with music of any kind. Although both Mr. Shuester and Rachel assured her that she naturally had a nice tone and quality to her voice, the fact remained that she had never danced before outside of in a silly manner with Santana inside their bedroom, and she had never learned to sing harmony or even what harmony or other musical terms meant. Although the other students in Glee were patient, and Mr. Shue, as they called him, was encouraging, Adriana was frustrated and disappointed with herself every time she had to try again to hit a note, sing a line, or repeat a certain step of choreography correctly.

But although Rachel was the most critical of Adriana's efforts, she was also the most helpful in her advice. It was more than obvious, having watched her in action, that Rachel was enormously talented, that she definitely knew what she was talking about when it came to music, and if anyone was going to help Adriana to become even in her knowledge with the others, it would be Rachel who would get her up to speed the most quickly.

It seemed a natural solution, then, to accept Rachel's offer to have private "tutoring" lessons after Glee practices in her own home, as the school would close up shortly after the after school practices ended. Although her sister's dramatics about Rachel did briefly run through her head once Adriana accepted Rachel's invitation, what was more prevalent to her were her own feelings of excitement in being invited anywhere by another girl, let alone a girl who genuinely seemed to like her and want her to do well. A girl who, whatever her sister might think to the contrary, was far from unattractive.

Adriana knew that it was somewhat dangerous to think that way. She would be better off not to think about Rachel's appearance at all, to keep herself from doing or saying something that might embarrass herself or put herself in a position to be hurt. But how could she shut off her eyes, or avoid looking at Rachel if she was going to share a car and be in the same room?

Rachel kept up a running commentary as she drove, going through each member of the Glee club and highlighting what she saw as their strengths and weaknesses in performance and her plan for how to help each of them be their best. Although most of the students she was mentioning seemed to have found Rachel's assessment of them annoying, Adriana herself was amazed by the accuracy of the girl's insight. Not only could she tell what was off in their ability or performance, she was able to give an accurate way to change it for the better. She knew that she herself was too busy concentrating on her own moves to even pay attention to everyone else's.

The arrival at Rachel's house seemed all too soon, and again Santana was stricken with shyness as the car pulled up to the driveway. It was obvious from the exterior of Rachel's house that she was used to living in a nice, well kept middle class neighborhood, a comfortable existence both monetarily and in her expectations of safety. What would she think of Adriana if she knew the size and shabbiness of her own home, of how she used to crawl in bed at night with her sister out of fear of the gunshots they could hear outside?

"Oh, I see that Dad and Daddy are both home, very good," Rachel was saying as she got out of the car, giving Adriana a bright smile. "They will be so happy to meet you. It isn't often that I bring someone home. This is the first time in years, actually."

It took Adriana a few moments to process this. There was a lot in that statement that was shocking. Rachel never bringing anyone home with her- was her home that embarrassing to her, or was she simply that deprived of any friends? And then there was the part about Dad and Daddy, and that, Adriana simply couldn't make sense of.

And then the obvious hit her, and she felt her eyes grow wide she blurted out the first thing that popped into her head.

"You have two dads? Are they…are they gay?! How is that even possible?"

She felt her face flush scarlet as the words left her lips, and she ducked her head, horrified that she had somehow given away too much with her tone or her expression. What if Rachel, living with two gay men, had amazing…what was it that Santana had called it? Gaydar? What if Rachel had this gaydar and already knew Adriana's own thoughts?

"Oh, it's very possible," Rachel said calmly, nodding. "You see, I am adopted. My birth mother is Shelby Corcoran, a very musically talented woman in her own right who had dreams of Broadway, and she badly needed money to fund her dreams at the time of my conception. My fathers badly wanted a child and so they mixed both their sperm with her egg and she carried me for them, and in this way I was conceived. We aren't even sure who is my biological father and I prefer to keep it that way. I do see her occasionally, and write emails and letters, and we are Facebook friends as well, but it is my fathers who have raised me. They are gay, yes." She paued, looking at Adriana for the first time with some wariness to her expression before she said slowly, "I do hope that is not a problem for you. It is for many people in this town, and my fathers are some of the very low percentage that are out and proud. It is one of the many reasons why many do not wish to associate with me at school, though I suspect it is more out of ignorance and fear than it is out of any genuine dislike or disapproval of my fathers. If you are of the latter or the former, Adriana, then I suppose you can go home now without any harsh words and we can simply pretend that you never accepted my invitation. If that is what you want, I do understand."

Adriana was still getting used to Rachel's paragraph style of speech, but once she understood what the girl was conveying, she quickly shook her head, horrified that Rachel would think this of her, and yet not willing to tell her of her own inclinations. If both Santana and Rachel were right, and one's sexual orientation was a reason to shun and harass in this town, she couldn't be sure that even Rachel would accept, let alone keep it a secret.

"No, no, of course it's, it's okay. Really. I mean, I'm…I'm okay with it. With that. I am. I'm sorry, I just…I haven't…I never met a gay person before, is all. I don't…I don't want to be rude."

"Then don't be," was Rachel's simple reply. "You know, gay people such as my dads are just people as we are. If you would simply talk to them like you would anyone else then we will all get along very well."

But for Adriana, that was the problem. She could be awkward and shy in the best of times- how was she going to talk to men who were "people just like her" even more than Rachel knew?

She was all the more nervous when Rachel actually took her hand, twining her fingers through hers, and led her through the entranceway of her home, still talking rapidly, though Adriana failed to follow what she was saying. The other girl's skin against hers was warm, and she noted how long it had been since she had held anyone's hand but her sister's. Her sister's, and Amanda's.

She was so busy thinking of this that she barely reacted when Rachel brought her face to face with two widely smiling men, both in their late forties to early fifties. As Rachel brought her forward, she gave a dramatic flourish as she presented Adriana to them.

"Dads, this is the newest member of Glee club and hopefully soon to be a good friend, Adriana Lopez. Adriana has a lovely singing voice, although she does have quite a bit to learn with reading music and learning choreography as well as the more technical aspects of singing, but she has high potential and I am very excited that she has joined our school and Glee club. Adriana, this is my dad Leroy and this is my dad Hiram."

And then there was the stampede of attention. At least, that was what it felt like to Adriana as she blinked, overwhelmed by the rush of words and light, friendly touches directed her way as the Berry men greeted her for the first time.

"Adriana! What a lovely name for a lovely young girl. And if our daughter says that you are talented, well, you must be simply extraordinary, because our Rachel is loathe to give false compliments, especially when it comes to singing!" laughed one of the men- Adriana had already forgotten which was which. The second man was already nodding in agreement, reaching out to squeeze her arm.

"Look at those high cheekbones! Adriana, dear, you could be a model if you wanted, but if you're truly such a talent I'm sure your goals are aimed much higher! Tell me, how much did our Rachel pester you before you agreed to join Glee with her?"

There were several things that Adriana could have said in return which would have been perfectly acceptable and polite. But what she found herself saying instead was the first thought that jumped to her mind as she looked between the two men.

"Rachel, how can you say that you don't know who your biological father is when one of your dads is black?"

For several long moments there was absolutely silence as everyone took in what Adriana had just said, and the exaggeratedly shocked look on Rachel's face made Adriana's cheeks burn. She started to stammer out an apology, but then the others broke out in laughter, shaking their heads ruefully- and accepting what she had just said almost as though it were a joke.

"I think I'm going to like this one!" the black father- Hiram? Leroy?- chuckled, shaking his head and giving Adriana a hearty pat on the back, and the white father spoke up as well, giving Adriana a genuine smile.

"We have a pretty good idea, darling, but Rachel likes to be fair and impartial, so we never did make it official."

Rachel, for her part, was pouting, but even to Adriana it seemed that she might be hiding a scowl. "Now that we are all finished laughing at myself and my guest, perhaps we can get down to work. Adriana?"

And Adriana followed. Because what other choice did she really have?

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The afternoon passed with surprising speed, though no shortage of further awkward encounters. Adriana found herself becoming more comfortable and actually enjoying her time with Rachel as the girl continued to work with her, practicing musical scales and sections of song, as well as reviewing choreography. Adriana took note as well of how much she enjoyed the girl standing close to her, how much she liked Rachel taking her by the shoulder and arm to help her move with particularly difficult choreography. The girl was definitely interactive and physical in a fully self conscious way, and Adriana felt by the end of their practice that she was almost visible in her glow.

She wasn't used to being touched like this, in the casual but friendly manner of a friend, and it took effort to remind herself that this was all Rachel was to her. A friend. It was her fathers who were gay, not her.

During this time she received many texts from Santana, all of which Adriana ignored; she didn't want to have to hear what her sister had to say about Rachel. She herself was having fun with Rachel, and when the girl invited her to stay over for dinner and then watch her favorite movie of all time, Funny Girl, which she had spent a good twenty minutes passionately endorsing, Adriana simply texted her sister to tell their abuela she'd be home by nine and stayed.

Even after the movie was completed, Adriana couldn't have told anyone how the storyline had gone, despite extensive explanations, analysis, and exclamations of the finer details of the acting, singing, and plot that Rachel inundated her with. It was impossible to focus on something as abstract as a movie when she had the much more pressing situation of Rachel sitting beside her on the couch, close enough that their legs and shoulders touched. And Adriana knew that Rachel had arranged this purposely, because she had sat down after Adriana had, and every time she turned her head to address her, their cheeks were close enough to almost brush skin.

But that didn't mean, just because Rachel had chosen to sit this close, that it was because she liked Adriana or anything. At least, not like that. She didn't think anything of it, that was all. Right?

Adriana couldn't help noticing every small shift of Rachel's body, how she seemed to get closer and closer to her as the movie progressed until Adriana gave an involuntary shiver from the closeness of their bodies. And then, to make things even more awkward, Rachel had exclaimed over her apparent coldness and had wrapped a blanket over Adriana's shoulders- and then actually curled herself close up against the other girl's side, her arm around her shoulders to provide her added warmth.

Well, she was right about that much. With Rachel literally pressed into her side, Adriana was definitely feeling warm.

"That was an amazing time," Rachel had declared once the movie was over, turning to Adriana with an expectant and satisfied smile. "I'm sure you must have enjoyed the movie as much as I always do, you seem as though you would have excellent taste as well. Also you have made significant progress in your musical skills. All in all this was an enjoyable and productive afternoon and I would certainly like to spend a similar time with you in the near future, if you agree to do so."

It had taken Adriana a few seconds to realize that the girl was asking a question, though it had come in statement form. Giving a slight start, she gave an awkward nod, answering.

"Um, right, sure. I'd like that. If you want me to. You know, come hang out again."

"I would love it!" Rachel had declared, and Adriana had found herself drifting off into a near daze again, lost in the warm glow of her eyes when she smiled in her direction. "Perhaps in two or three days's time, at a similar time of the day? Would you be amenable to this arrangement?"

Once she had realized again that a question was aimed her way, Adriana attempted to pull herself out of her daydream to nod, figuring that was probably a suitable response. Rachel had beamed then, giving a returning nod of excitement.

"Awesome! So I will see you then, Adriana, and I look forward to it!"

And then it had happened. She had leaned forward, arms outstretched, and Adriana had stood still, uncertain of what exactly was about to happen. Was she going for a handshake, or a hug? Before she could decide arms were already around her, squeezing her tight, and then warm lips were pressed against her cheek, dangerously close to her lips.

She couldn't have told anyone what Rachel's parting words to her were, because the only thing she could hold in awareness in her mind were Rachel's lips and how they had felt against her skin. She walked with a near stagger, her head spinning, and she was pretty sure that there was a dopey smile on her own expression.

It didn't mean anything, the kiss. She knew that. She was pretty sure she knew that, anyway. Didn't she? Girls did things like that, they hugged other girls. They cuddled up to them…maybe. And they kissed their cheeks, if they were into that sort of thing. It didn't mean that they were into them, like that kind of way. It didn't mean they were a lesbian.

And anyway, it didn't matter if Rachel was, which she wasn't. Of course she wasn't. Because even if she was, and even if she did like Adriana that way, Adriana wasn't about to date girls, not ever again, not after what happened with Amanda. She wasn't ready. She might not ever be ready, not if her last effort was any indication of what she knew about how to date girls. And even if she was, she wouldn't ever be ready to openly date Rachel, in a school that Santana had already warned her repeatedly would not take well to anyone who was different in any way. And if her abuela found out, and she treated Adriana like she was treating Santana now…if she was even more disappointed in her than she already was…

No, it wasn't a good idea. It just wasn't.

But Rachel was so cute, and so sweet, and so nice to her. And so talented and she liked her, in some way….and she had to be okay with lesbians, since her fathers were gay. All of this was true, and it made it that much more confusing for Adriana to think through as she sat in the car with Rachel's aforementioned gay dads, allowing them to drop her home. She didn't even have any thoughts left in her brain to be embarrassed about her house or her neighborhood until she was already through the front door and out of their sight.


	9. Chapter 9

She should have known that Santana would be watching out the window when the car pulled up, waiting on pins and needles for Adriana's return home so she could swoop in with her interrogation. Adriana had barely shut the front door behind her and ascertained that their abuela was nowhere within sight or hearing range before Santana pounced, blocking her from going any further down the hall. She seized her by the wrist, already hissing her comments as she pulled Adriana into their bedroom and shut the door behind her, eyes boring hard into her twin's as she spoke.

"I cannot believe you let those two dorky gay dudes drive into this neighborhood, are you hoping that they'll be egged or shot up? Not to mention that they are Rachel Berry's dads, jesus, Adri, did you even think this through at all? You were just seen by god knows who, being dropped off by the dads of Rachel Berry, as though you were voluntarily in her presence at some point in time. Fuck, Adri, what if someone is clueless and stupid enough to think you were me? Forget the gay dudes, you're begging for us to be the ones getting shot."

"Santana, you're being dramatic," Adriana told her, rolling her eyes with some secret enjoyment that it was she rather than her sister who got to have such a reaction this time. "And for someone who's worried about being associated with Rachel, you're sure starting to talk in paragraphs kind of like she does."

"Not funny, don't say that shit," Santana warned, shaking her head at her and pointing a finger for emphasis. "Where the hell were you that you required a ride from Rachel Berry's dads? Glee? Please tell me it wasn't Glee again, if you keep going people are gonna think you actually joined."

"I did join," Adriana informed her, slightly injured in tone. "I told you, it looks fun…stop trying to make me feel bad about it, Tana."

If she had expected her sister to listen to that, she was sorely mistaken. Instead Santana's eyes grew wide with horror, and she half covered her face with her hand, groaning.

"Nooo, no way. Why would you do this to me? After all the instructions I gave you, after I spelled out everything you needed to have even a chance of social success, and you can't follow even one single bit of it! I swear, what the hell happened in our womb?"

"Santana, it's fun," Adriana insisted, twirling a finger through her hair uneasily. "It really is. I think you would like it, even. You like to dance and sing and have a good time, even if you don't let people see it very much. If you'd give it a chance, you would like it too, I bet."

"There is zero chance of me having anything like fun with people like Rachel Scary and Lady Kurt Hummel in my vision, all the while knowing that the entire school is busting a gut laughing at me," Santana corrected her, rolling her eyes to the ceiling and huffing loudly. "Look, Adri, you're all innocent and sweet and you think that everything is just all right because everyone is nice and no one cares what anyone else is doing as long as they're nice and happy, but you're wrong, okay? You're just wrong. All that shit everyone tells us about everyone being important and equal and everyone should respect everyone, it sounds awesome when you're three and still watching Sesame Street, but guess what, you grow up one day and you figure out life just ain't like that. Somehow you missed out on that lesson, so I'm gonna school you now and catch you up. You gotta drop out, Adriana. That's just how it is."

She said this with finality, as though there were no other possibilities, no other options past her own view. But to Adriana, this was not only untrue, it was infuriating. She wasn't often angry with her sister, but Santana's attitude then was causing her to see things in a different light than usual. How dare her sister, who had never bothered to have a real conversation with Rachel or any of the other kids in Glee, be able to tell Adriana with such full assurance what she thought she should do?

Drawing herself up, her shoulders squared, Adriana looked her twin in the eye, shaking her head. She spoke firmly, sharing with Santana her views in a level but intense tone.

"No, Santana, it isn't. That isn't just how it has to be. That's the way things have been up to now, for you and other people that won't even give them a chance. It's not how it has to be, indefinitely…it's just how people make it to be. But it doesn't have to be like that, and it won't for me."

"Adri, get real," Santana said incredulously, shaking her head. "Who's been here longer, me or you? Who actually understands social hierarchy here, me or you? Who was willing to wear friggin' sweat pants and overalls well into middle school until I put my foot down, and who had to teach who how to do makeup and straighten hair? Trust me, I know what I'm talking about here, and if you just do what I say you'll be way happier."

"But that's the thing, San, I won't," Adriana insisted, standing her ground. "That's what you don't get. I was okay doing those things. I was okay dressing how I wanted to and not being popular. I didn't like being teased, but I didn't care if everyone in the school liked me or not. I won't be happier if I'm not doing the things I like to do just because other people think it's dorky, and you know what, San? You're not happier either. You're not really happy. Don't tell me you are, because I'm your sister and I know what your happy looks like. You aren't happy in school. You're just pretending to be, because that's what you think you have to do."

She saw her sister's face freeze, the defensiveness mingled with vulnerability coming into her eyes, and Adriana softened, lowering her voice a little and stepping closer to put her hand on her twin's shoulder.

"I know you're just trying to protect me, Sanny, I do. But I need to make my own choices. You have to let me do things the way I want to."

"Yeah, well, the last time I let you do things the way you wanted to, you ended up with busted ribs," Santana shot back, and it was Adriana's turn to flinch. "Excuse me if I doubt your ability to have decent decisions when it comes to your life."

"That's true," Adriana admitted after a long pause, her eyes downcast. She took a deep breath, settling herself and her courage, before lifting her eyes back up to her sister. "But maybe I still want to keep trying to have real friends that really like me, and not just how I dress and how mean I can be."

"And maybe you ought to be scared of what the hell is going to happen if your little virgin lesbian heart gets crushed again," Santana retorted, the words harsh, but her eyes were serious, focused on her twin. "Because maybe this time Twin Tana won't be willing to slap it back together."

Adriana paused, her lower lip caught between her teeth, and then took a deep breath, her shoulders slumping as she gave her own soft reply.

"I don't think I'm the only one who's afraid to be in love, Santana."

She met her sister's eyes for several moments then, watching as they grew dark and dilated with emotions Adriana could not fully label. Santana turned her back on her abruptly then, snatching up her phone and starting to peck away, texting what Adriana assumed was probably one of the numerous and indistinguishable blonde cheerleaders she was always around. Adriana didn't speak either, and the silence remained for the rest of the evening. It was the first night since Adriana had returned that Santana didn't crawl into the bottom bunk of their bunk beds with her, and Adriana didn't ask her to. This time, she wanted her point to be made. She wasn't going to let her sister's disapproval wear her down.

88

The silence between Adriana and Santana carried on for much of the next morning as they prepared for school, a difficult task to achieve considering the small space they had to maneuver around each other in the bathroom. Normally it would bother Adriana for her sister to be upset with her, and she had to admit she did feel a twinge of discomfort at her sister's behavior. It wasn't in her nature to be confrontational easily, and in the past she had quickly given in during disagreements and let Santana have her way, even if she still didn't like what she was saying. But this time she held her ground, and though Santana got a ride from Brittany Pierce to school and Adriana rode the bus alone, Adriana was determined to make her own point as well.

Rachel found her in the hall again before classes and started talking to her before she was even quite within hearing range, holding onto Adriana's arm easily and even linking hers through as she walked with her to Adriana's locker. Before she had even gotten all of her books out of her locker, Adriana found herself agreeing to eating lunch with Rachel and again going to her house after Glee club. And even though she saw Santana sashay by with her Cheerio friends at her sides, giving Adriana a death stare before turning up her nose and walking on, Adriana continued to talk with Rachel, even giving her a shy shoulder squeeze before separating.

The day seemed to pass entirely too quickly, nearly a blur of activity, but for Adriana, each moment around Rachel seemed to slow into an almost ridiculously prolonged period of time that she nevertheless enjoyed every moment of. Around Rachel, it was difficult to concentrate on any of the mocking looks or whispers thrown their way, and what was more, it was difficult to care. Even if they came from her own sister.

It felt a little strange, but nice, to sit beside Rachel in Glee, to walk out of the choir room with her to meet her father Hiram at the school front, where he was waiting to take her home. It was nice to be greeted so warmly by him, like she was an old family friend instead of a fairly new acquaintance, and Adriana inwardly marveled at the idea that another adult could truly seem to want to hear about her day and what she might have to say. He asked about her classes and Glee, her family and her activities, and he seemed actually interested, not just trying to be polite or make small talk. Adriana wondered as she spoke with him if this was how Rachel, with so much indifference and even cruelty in her daily life at school, managed to continue to exist in such high spirits- because the love and interest and support of her fathers was able to make up for the treatment she received from everyone else.

Once she and Rachel had eaten one of Rachel's vegan snacks and finished chatting with her father in their kitchen, Adriana had followed the girl up to her bedroom and willingly enough let Rachel run through a series of her notes and observations of the Glee practice and how Adriana, as well as every other member of Glee, could improve. After a good twenty minutes of this, however, the girls lapsed into silence, and as Rachel sat beside Adriana on her bed, she tilted her head towards her curiously, seeming to hesitate before voicing her question.

"Ana? I suppose it is none of my business if this isn't something you wish to converse with me in regards to, but… I can't help but be curious as to why Santana came into our school so long before you did. I mean, she was attending our school a full year or perhaps going on two before you did. Did you simply not wish to change schools, or were you living in different households until this time? Or was there another reason?"

Adriana tensed automatically, letting out a slow breath. Until this point in time she had received no questions in regards to her move to WMHS, perhaps because no one had cared enough to ask. She didn't want to lie to Rachel, but neither was she comfortable telling her the story of her relationship with Amanda. And definitely, no matter how mad Santana was at her now, could she betray Santana's trust by telling Rachel about Santana's own experience.

"Santana and I have always lived together," she said instead, choosing her words carefully. "We live with our abuela- our grandmother. Santana got into trouble last year, and our abuela thought that it would be better for her if she switched schools and wasn't around the person who, um, our abuela disapproved of. Then…then I got in trouble this year too, and our abuela had me switch to the same school."

It was the truth, in as vague detail as she could manage. She found herself almost holding her breath, her body still tense with her anticipation of Rachel's response. Rachel was looking at her with such serious, sympathetic eyes, and when the girl reached out to lay a hand on her arm, Adriana had to force herself not to shiver.

"That must have been hard," Rachel said. "Going to school without your twin, when you were used to always being with her. Or did you not see her much in school? It looks like she doesn't…well, that you two do not run in the same social circles here."

"We don't," Adriana admitted, shrugging. "But it wasn't like that, before. Not really. We stuck together more." Remember this, she felt a tightness in her chest, sadness for not just herself, but for Santana. She knew that it had been very hard for herself to move to another school, to leave the girl she had been with at the time behind and never speak to her again. Try as she might to put on a tough face and shrug off any feelings, to put on the mask and emotions of a straight popular girl who had nothing at all in common with the girl Adriana knew, Adriana had heard her sister's sobs muffled into her pillow the first week of attending WMHS alone, and she had been the one to curl up behind her and stroke her hair until she fell asleep.

Thinking of this, she felt her heart twist again, this time for Santana. She found herself starting to waver in her resolve not to break their standoff, thinking of going to her, after coming home with Rachel, and trying to make amends. It was hard for Santana, she knew, so hard and so stressful to keep up her guard, both at home, with their abuela, and in school. It affected her more than she wanted Adriana or even herself to know, Adriana thought.

Her thoughts must have shown in her expression, because she felt Rachel's hand move up to her shoulder in a gentle squeeze. "Adriana?"

"I'm okay," Adriana forced a smile, and her hand moved to cover Rachel's, squeezing back. "It's just…I know how Santana is in school, Rachel. She's really…I don't like how she acts, and I don't like the person she tries to be. Especially towards you. But that isn't really who she is. Not really. She's just…she's had a hard time, and she's hurt, and she's…she's scared." Even as she spoke this she was realizing it was the truth. "She would hate for me to say this to you and she'd say it wasn't true, even to me. But it is. I know her better than that."

Rachel was regarding her, seeming to be processing her words, before she nodded. But her thoughts didn't seem to be on Santana as she slowly, carefully touched a faded bruise at Adriana's jaw, just visible where her heavy makeup had begun to wear off.

"When you say…that she's hurt, and she's scared….I can't help but having noticed, Adriana, that…that you have been somewhat injured yourself. You do very well with hiding it, but when I am close to you, and sometimes, the way you carry yourself…" she hesitated again, her eyes sliding to Adriana's ribs, before she continued, her words in a rush. "Is someone…is someone hurting you, Adriana? Someone in your home? You, and Santana? Because, because that doesn't have to keep happening. There is help for that, people can truly help you, I promise, and I don't want-"

"What?" Adriana interrupted, almost bursting out laughing at the thought. "No, no!" The thought of her tiny abuela beating her to the point of bruising and breaking ribs was almost comical, as the woman was a head shorter than the twins. Of course, Alma Lopez had not been above pinching wrists or slapping cheeks or giving a smack on the backside with a spoon, and her words could bruise a heart more quickly than any blow could bruise skin. But she had hardly beaten them, though from Rachel's grave expression, the thought was a serious one indeed.

Clearing her throat, she shook her head, taking another breath to pull herself together. "No, no, Rachel, I promise. No one's hurting us."

"But someone hurt you," Rachel persisted, her finger still just barely touching Adriana's jaw. "Someone hurt you, Adriana, and…and it just really worries me, truly. I just…I hate to think of you being hurt, and I want to be sure you are safe."

The sincerity in her voice, in her steadfast fixation on Adriana's face, immediately softened her. Her heart wrenching even more sharply than it had before, Adriana looked away, wetting her lips before she could look back at her. Rachel's hands were on her skin, so gentle, so soft, her face close to hers, and she could feel her body shaking slightly, wanting to mold into her side and be enveloped with her warmth. She could almost physically feel Rachel's caring, and without quite planning to she found herself speaking aloud, her words hushed and yet clear.

"Someone did hurt me, once. Someone I thought I loved, and who I thought loved me. I was wrong, and what happened after…it was…it was bad. But it won't happen again. It was only once."

"But it was enough," Rachel nearly whispered back, the pain in her voice astonishing Adriana, that someone could feel that towards her, when they did not have to, when they had no connection with her that required it. "It was more than enough."

Adriana could still feel Rachel's hand on her jawbone, holding her so gently, as though frightened she too could hurt her with the wrong move. Her hand shifted, her fingertips now stroking Adriana's cheek, and the tenderness of her touch caused Adriana to suck in her breath, leaning her face further into her grasp. Rachel carefully stroked her skin, as though trying to replace pain with the sweetness of her touch, and as this thought occurred to her, Adriana's throat choked, and tears came into her eyes. She shut them tightly, trying to keep any from emerging, lest Rachel misinterpret and pull away. That was the last thing she wanted to happen then, for Rachel's touch to stop.

She could feel Rachel's warm breath against her face, could hear her slightly uneven breathing, almost in time with the pounding of her own heart. Her eyes were still closed when Rachel leaned in, her lips covering Adriana's with her own.

For the first few moments Adriana froze, unable to give a response as her body and her mind and emotions came together in a tangle, battling for dominance. And then she was sitting up, one hand reaching out to cup Rachel's head in her hands as she kissed her back, and there seemed to be no other possibility but to continue what seemed an inevitable action from the start.


	10. Chapter 10

"This is unbelievable," were her sister's first words, once she had managed to pick up her dropped jaw and start it working again, forming her rapid fire sentences of disapproval. "No, just no, and can I just repeat NO? How the hell could you stand that? How the hell could you not only want your lips on hers but actually go through with it and ENJOY it?!"

"Santana, stop," Adriana ran a hand through her hair, taking a deep breath as she tried to be patient. "You're hurting my feelings."

Her words to her twin were true, and she knew too that as soon as Santana realized that, most of the time it was enough to make her rethink her words. Sure enough, Santana took a breath to match Adriana's, unconsciously raking her own hand through her hair before she spoke again, her voice only slightly calmer and less loud.

"Okay, fine, sorry, but come on, Adri, seriously? You kissed Rachel freakin' Berry and you want me to like, applaud?"

That wasn't what Adriana had expected, of course. But something less than shrieking in horror would have been nice.

She and Rachel hadn't spent a lot of time talking, after the kiss. For once even Rachel seemed temporarily stricken shy. But it had stuck firmly and uncomfortably in Adriana's mind as she had made gestures to go, the way the other girl had put a hesitant hand on her arm, catching her eye as she spoke to her softly.

"Adriana? If you want to pretend this never happened, it's okay. I…I understand. And if you want to make me swear not to tell anyone, ever, I'll do it. If that's what you want."

But it wasn't what Adriana wanted. It wasn't, and she had blinked, taken aback by Rachel's willingness to deny herself and her pride in that way- to let herself be used in that way, if that was what Adriana did want.

"No, I won't," she had told her, pain pressing against her heart as memories of her own experience, with Amanda, came back to her. The endless days of waiting for texts, for emails or calls, that never came, the realization that to Amanda, Adriana had never happened, still hurt deep within her heart to recall. "I wouldn't do that to anyone, Rachel, and I especially won't to you. I promise."

And she hadn't. She had told Santana as soon as she got home, just moments after Santana accusingly brought attention to Adriana's "way too dopey smile." And now her twin was making it clear that she would have rather been ignorant to the information, if only to keep her own sanity.

"Adri…Adri, get that hurt puppy look off your face," Santana was sighing now, her shoulders sagging slightly as she came forward, wrapping an awkward arm around her sister's shoulders. "I'm sorry for sounding bitchy, okay, but…god, I've told you what happens in this school if anyone even thinks you could be gay. And now you're gonna date the worst possible person in the school to do that kind of shit with? I don't think you can handle what's gonna happen, and I sure as hell know I can't handle standing back and watching them screw with you."

"They might not even notice, Sanny," Adriana tried, hoping in this more than actually believing her own words. "If they all hate Rachel so much and they don't even want to look at her or talk to her, maybe they won't pay any attention to her and what she's doing. Maybe-"

"Ha, is that really how you think it works?" Santana snorted, rolling her eyes as she released Adriana from her grasp. She flopped across the lower bunk of their beds, eyes rolling up to the ceiling as she plucked restlessly at the corner of the blanket. "Trust me, Adri, they'll notice, and they'll make it the newest sporting event of the year to pick on you both." She sat up abruptly, her dark eyes boring into her twins as she said with intensity, "And don't tell me you don't care, because you will. If you care what our abuela thinks, and you can't even handle the thought of her NOT saying what she thinks to you because she's ignoring you like she does me, how can you handle an entire freaking school throwing shit at you and writing shit about you on walls and whispering and yelling about you and getting in your face calling you names? You can't, Adriana, I know you, and you can't. You've already been hurt enough."

Adriana looked back at her, taking in a slow breath as she sat down on the edge of the bed beside her. She didn't touch her, keep her face slightly averted as she thought through what Santana had said. She knew where her sister was coming from, and she knew that Santana was sincere; she wanted to protect her. She wanted to keep her from harm, even if that meant lying through the rest of high school, or even through the rest of her life. And maybe she had a point. But even as Adriana tried to think through it, she couldn't feel comfortable with what she was saying…because it just seemed so wrong.

"Rachel has been hurt too," she said quietly, finally turning her head to look at Santana. "Maybe not like me, she hasn't been…physically hurt. And maybe she hasn't had her heart broken, at least not by someone she thought was a lover. But she's been hurt all the same. She's been hurt every single day that she's been treated how she is at this school, and she still wakes up every day with a smile and she's…she's who she is. She doesn't let how much people try to hurt her keep her from being who she is. She's stronger than I am, Santana. Stronger than either of us. And I don't want to be one of the people who hurt her. Maybe…maybe she'll make me stronger, like her. Maybe we can help each other past where we've been hurt. But I won't ever know if I don't try and see."

It wasn't that she wasn't scared. Even talking about this to Santana, her heart was beating faster than it should be normally, and her hands felt clammy with her nerves. But even as scary as this was, it still seemed right. And maybe that was something, that the scariest things were usually the right ones, because the wrong thing to do was the easiest.

"She's not going to heal you, Adriana, she's going to make you a target," Santana countered, sitting up straighter and shaking her head as she too turned to face her. "You don't need any more hurt than you've already had, and I'm not going to let you do something this stupid. You can't-"

"Santana, I love you, I know you just love me too and want me to be okay, but you can't tell me what to do," Adriana interrupted softly- the first time she could remember ever informing her sister of this face. She could see the surprise in Santana's eyes as she went on, holding up her hand to keep her from interrupting. "I want to give this a shot, Rachel and me. I would rather end up getting hurt than make the choice to be the one that brings Rachel more hurt, just because I was scared." She paused, her eyes widening slightly as a new thought occurred to her and she looked at Santana more closely.

"And anyway, what about you, Tana? Aren't you letting yourself be hurt too?"

Santana had blinked, her head rearing backwards as she attempted to decipher this. "What are you talking about? I'm not hurt. I'm fine. I'm the one who's a friggin' Cheerio, I'm the one who has all the guys hanging on me and all the most popular girls asking for makeover tips. There's nothing wrong with me, everything's going just fine."

"You aren't," Adriana said quietly, only then beginning to really be certain of this even as she spoke. "Abuela ignores you, she acts like you aren't even here, almost. I know you two never really got along, but she's your abuela, and I know you want her to respect you and love you. I know you're not okay with how she is. And… those girls you're with, they aren't very nice. I bet they talk about you behind your back and I bet you let them and pretend you don't know and it doesn't bother you."

She saw her sister's jaw tense, her hands knotting up the blanket in her fists, and she reached out tentatively, squeezing her upper arm as she continued.

"And those boys, the ones you go on dates with and parties and make out with and everything…you don't really like them, or want them. We both know that. Do you let them touch you, San? Do you…I've heard people say that you give them quickies in the broom closet at school, and I looked that up and if that's true that's really, really awful, Sanny. Do you really do that?"

"Who the hell told you that?" Santana's chin jerked up fast, her voice loud and aggressive in tone, but also holding a note of panic that made Adriana fairly sure that it was true. "I swear, whoever the hell said that, I'm so gonna go all Lima Heights on their ass-"

"Well, do you do it or not?" Adriana pressed, flinching when Santana shrugged her hand off of her.

"None of your damn business, it's my life."

"But Santana, it is my business," Adriana told her, her voice still soft. She waited, then reached for Santana's arm again, knowing that this time her sister would let her hand stay. "You're hurt too, Sanny. You are. But you're the one doing it to yourself."

She was quiet after that, letting her words sink in. She knew that Santana was thinking about them, because she saw her swallow several times, her head dipping down, and when she did speak her words were much more subdued in tone.

"Don't worry about it, Adri. I'm being safe, I'm being smart, and I'm protecting you. Okay? That's my job now. Protect you, protect me, that's what's important."

"You protected me at our old school and you still were with that girl," Adriana said softly, gently. She squeezed Santana's arm for emphasis. "When you were with her, you didn't care what other people thought of you, or worry about what they might do if they found out. Because you really liked her, and she liked you." She paused again, then said a little more strongly, "Puck and those other boys don't really like you, Santana. Not like that, not for who you are, really. And you don't like them."

She knew she was right all the more when Santana averted her eyes, giving a defensive shrug. "He's okay. He's a guy, guys are all alike."

"You don't like him," Adriana insisted, a little more strongly this time. "Not like you liked that other girl. Not for real."

She kept her eyes on Santana, knowing that her sister would quickly grow uncomfortable, and as she had expected, Santana shrugged irritably, throwing up her hands as though in defense.

"Well I played that game and it fucked me over, okay, so I'm done. At least for now. So stop it, Adriana, there's no point in this shit."

But Adriana wasn't finished. She wasn't doing this just to upset her twin, or to make a point, or even to win an argument. She was truly concerned, the more she thought about this, and it was upsetting to think of Santana going out of her way to keep herself and her true feelings secret, to deny to the world who she was just to try to protect herself. Her sister was unhappy, and that bothered Adriana just as though she herself were the one with her feelings.

"Who do you really like, Sanny?" she asked gently, reaching out to smooth a hand over her sister's hair. "Who would you be with, if you would try?"

Santana's jaw tensed, and she turned her face away deliberately, ignoring her. Adriana's attention was averted when she saw her phone flash beside her on the bed, Brittany's familiar name flashing across the screen, and that seemed to her the obvious answer, right in perfect timing. She smiled, shaking her head, and pointed to the phone, lifting her hand from Santana's head.

"She talks to you a lot, doesn't she? And you talk to her. She's pretty…and she's really flexible, I saw her doing those splits and kicks in practice that time. And…you always sit beside her, and she touches you a lot, I noticed that. Like playing with your hair and rubbing your shoulders and legs…and I've seen that pinky thing you do. You know, where you're holding pinkies, kind of like your own little handshake? Kind of like when we were in fourth grade and you and Dara Fredericks had that secret hand signal and you wouldn't tell me about it forever until I made you make up a twin hand signal too."

She was watching Santana closely, not failing to notice when her sister's cheeks turned bright red. Santana pressed her lips together tightly, her eyebrows knitting together as she tried even more to avoid her sister's eyes, and Adriana broke out into a smile, amused at her valiant but ineffective efforts.

"You like her, Tana! You do, don't you!"

She couldn't help herself; she grinned, and even gave an excited little clap, genuinely pleased for her sister. If Santana could let herself go enough to get feelings for a girl, then that meant that maybe, just maybe, she would eventually want to act on them. Maybe the way she felt would have to win over how she wanted people to think she felt.

Santana growled under her breath, shaking her head, but Adriana noticed she was careful to keep her eyes still out of view. "You're being stupid," she muttered, but there was hardly a convincing tone in her words, and Adriana shook her head excitedly, giving another little bounce on the bed that narrowly avoided making her hit the top bunk.

"No, I'm not, I know you like her, you so do! It's okay Sanny, she's really nice for a cheerleader. And she totally likes you, I can tell. I bet she'd be super sweet about it if you told her how you feel. I bet she'd even think of dating you, I've seen her looking at your butt and legs in your cheerleading skirt!"

"No she does not," Santana snapped, her head finally jerking around at this comment as she sat up so straight her head actually did hit the top bunk. She ignored it, seeming too wound up and near alarmed by Adriana to even register any pain. "She does not, Adriana, and don't you dare go tell her or anyone else that either. She's straight, she likes guys, she dates them and makes out with them and has sex with them all the time! She's STRAIGHT!"

"Just because she likes guys, that doesn't mean she can't like girls too," Adriana pointed out, shrugging. "Bisexual is a thing, isn't it?" She paused, tilting her head slightly. "It is, right?"

"No," Santana snapped, crossing her arms tightly over her chest with a very sour expression. "No, that's just what skanks and closet gays call themselves so they can have a reason why they're making out with anything that moves once they're wasted."

"It does too," Adriana decided, reaching out past Santana for her phone and starting to look it up on Google. She leaned out of Santana's reach as the other girl made a grab for it, holding it up and reading aloud the definition of the word for evidence. "See, bisexual is totally a thing, it says so right here."

"Stop it," Santana said in a near whine, covering her face up with both hands and shaking her head into them so her voice came out muffled. "Stop it, Adri, you don't know what you're talking about. You never do. Brittany isn't bisexual and even if she was that doesn't mean that she's into me, and even if she was into me that doesn't mean I'm into her, and even if I was that doesn't mean I'd want to date her, so just stop!"

But no matter what her protests, it was too late to matter to Adriana. She knew better, and she knew her sister better too. Santana was into her, and she just knew that Brittany was into her too. All she had to do now was come up with a plan so that she could show her sister that there was no reason she should continue to be so afraid.

88

Adriana didn't waste any time the following day in locating Brittany Pierce. She had never been very comfortable with talking to people she didn't know, and blonde, insanely flexible and attractive cheerleaders were definitely considered people that she would normally find intimidating. But Brittany appeared to be a rare breed. For one thing, she smiled often, and not in the seductive manner that most did when passing boys in the hall, the smug manner of those who were looking down on you, or the strained manner of those who were trying to convince you of their intense happiness. Brittany's smiles were sunny and genuine, equally as likely to be directed at someone like Adriana as someone like her Cheerios captain or the football stars.

The tricky part would be catching Brittany without her sister glued to her side, especially since Santana had had forewarning that Adriana wanted to talk with her. But a little careful planning- what Santana might consider an outright lie- Adriana had been able to come up with a plan. She had texted Santana right before lunch with a faked menstrual emergency, asking her to meet her with needed supplies in a certain bathroom in the school. Meanwhile, with Santana sent off on this fake mission, Adriana had located Brittany, staring at the drinking fountain closest to her locker without actually making a move to drink from it, and had made her move.

"Hi. Um, you're Brittany, right?"

The girl had looked up with a strangely measuring gaze, seeming to be taking Adriana in with greater scrutiny that she would have expected. Uncomfortable, Adriana started to take a step back, questioning her choice to approach, but then the girl spoke, oddly flat in tone and expression even though her words seemed to show excitement.

"Oh, this is awesome. I always wanted to talk to a clone. Are you a cyborg or just a robot?"

Adriana blinked, unsure of how to respond to this. Was the girl joking?

"Um…neither? I'm a person. Like, a human person," she said uncertainly. Something about Brittany's demeanor was so self assured that for a moment, ridiculous as it was, she had actually had to stop and think about it.

Brittany, for her part, seemed unfazed by Adriana's contradiction. She just shook her head, frowning slightly as though Adriana were trying to trick her in some way.

"No, see, you can't fool me," she asserted, nodding even as she spoke. "You may think that you can pull one over me and make me believe that you are Santana, but I can tell who is Santana and who isn't just by the way she walks and stands and blinks. Also, the way she smells. And you smell good and everything, not like a robot at all, because I don't smell any metal, but you definitely don't smell Santana-good. So I'm sorry, but you will have to find someone else to play your robot mind games on. I am aware of your secret and I am not a person to be played with."

For another few seconds Adriana just stood there, dumbfounded. Was this girl trying in some way to be mean to her, to come up with a crazy reason that she wouldn't have to talk to her? Or was she really, really stoned….or did she sincerely think that Adriana was some kind of clone?

"Um…I promise, I'm not a clone…or a robot," she started again, even more hesitant than her first attempt to explain. "I'm just Santana's sister. Her twin. Didn't she tell you that she has a twin?"

"It's okay, Lopez-bot, your secret is safe with me," Brittany told her, seemingly seriously, and she even went so far as to wink. Still entirely unsure of what exactly was going on, Adriana blinked, somewhat speechless, until Brittany continued. "So did you want to tell me something other than trying to convince me of the reality of your Santana disguise?"

"Oh. Um, well, actually I just wanted to talk to you about Santana," Adriana began, having to think back to what the original purpose of her mission had been. "You guys, um, you spend a lot of time together, like at lunch and cheerleading, and um, she really seems to like you a lot, and you seem to like her a lot…"

"Totally," Brittany agreed, deadpan, giving a rather serious nod, even as Adriana was pretty sure she had just winked at her again. "She's super awesome. And her dimples are totally cute when she smiles. Plus, her ass looks really sexy in our Cheerios skirts, and when she gets mad it's totally hot. Her boobs kind of move around, have you ever noticed?"

Adriana totally hadn't, mostly because she didn't tend to check out her sister's chest when they were pissed off at each other. But regardless of the semi inappropriate way Brittany had described Santana, it was obvious from her words that she totally thought she was attractive. Maybe, definitely in a more than friends way, even. Adriana couldn't hide her quick smile of relief as she continued.

"Uh, right. So um, she likes you and you like her and you spend a lot of time together, but, you know, Santana, she worries a lot about what people think, you know? Like, that people won't think she's as awesome as we both know she is."

"She's kind of silly," Brittany agreed, nodding. "She won't let me touch her butt or boobs where people might see, and I'm not supposed to let them know about our sweet lady kisses either. And she only lets me link up our pinkies because I told her that I'll tell everyone about how she cries when she watches Disney movies. It's really sweet."

At this new and casually shared information, Adriana's eyes widened, and she turned a fierce shade of red, looking quickly around herself to see if anyone happened to be listening before she turned back to Brittany. Lowering her voice and stepping closer to her in an effort to keep the conversation more private, should Brittany feel the need to share any further such examples, she got to the point.

"Right, uh…right. So, like you know, she doesn't like people to know things about her that she thinks will make them not like her. So, um, what I wanted to say is that Santana, she really, really likes to dance and sing, and she's really amazing at it. But she won't do it anywhere but in the bedroom, with me-"

"Hot," Brittany deadpanned, looking Adriana's form up and down, so that the smaller girl sputtered and flushed even more brightly before she could go on.

"Well, um, anyway she likes that, but she won't do it in school. She won't join drama or dance club or Glee club, and I really, really think she'd love Glee. But she won't do it because she thinks she'll get picked on, or that people won't think she's cool anymore, but she would love it, and I really want her to be happy and doing something she loves. So…so I was going to ask you, you seem really cool too, and I hear you're really awesome at singing and dancing, and you're…um, you're so cool that you don't even care what people think, because no one would ever think you aren't cool anyway. So…would you maybe join Glee?" she finally came out with, the rest of her words coming out in a rush. "I mean, I think you'd really love it even if Santana never did join, but if you did I think she would think about joining too and maybe you could get her to. Then Glee would be even more fun, and she would really like it and be happy."

Brittany thought about this, one hand twirling her ponytail absently. "Glee is dorky. There are dorks in there," she said, but Adriana was ready with a response.

"Right, but you're cool, so anything you do is cool. So if you join, Glee will be cool too."

Brittany kept twirling her hair, still musing. "That's true. But I'm more talented than Britney Spears. I wouldn't want to make anyone in there feel bad because I'm cooler and I'm more awesome."

"Well, that's why we need you in there," Adriana tried next, biting her lower lip. "So we can win every competition and all of us will be cool and popular like you. Please, Brittany? It will really help Santana."

She watched, aware of her heart beating a little faster than usual, before Brittany's head finally inclined in a nod.

"Okay. I guess I should help the less fortunate."

"Thank you," Adriana exhaled, feeling a wide grin spread over her face. She reached out to hug Brittany impulsively, pulling away before the blonde could quite return the embrace. "Thanks!"

Even as she started to walk towards her own class, knowing but not caring that she would be tardy for the first time, she could hear Brittany speaking out loud to herself. "Wow. She totally feels like a human and not a robot. Her maker is a genius."


	11. Chapter 11

Of course, Adriana didn't tell Santana about her discussion with Brittany. That, she felt, was definitely something that Santana should find out for herself. It took the rest of the following day, all the way until Brittany followed Adriana into the choir room after school, for this to dawn on her twin.

It was a pretty hilarious scene, really, in Adriana's opinion. She had followed along just behind her sister and Brittany as Santana talked on, mocking some girl in their class that she apparently thought was uncool and annoying, as Brittany nodded along but seemed to be paying much more attention to twirling a strand of Santana's hair through her fingers. Adriana didn't fail to notice that her sister had started to stammer and lose track of her words almost as soon as Brittany did this, a pleased smile fighting to take over her judgmental expression. She had followed just behind, clearing her throat as a reminder to Brittany, and Brittany had casually stepped apart from Santana, giving her a kiss goodbye on the cheek as she stepped in place with Adriana.

"See you later, Sanny."

"See you later?" Santana had echoed, her eyebrows knitting in confusion as she looked between her sister and Brittany. "What are you talking about?"

"Glee club," Brittany had informed her, her voice casual, as though this were truly unremarkable news. "I joined with Adriana. Talk to you after rehearsal."

It had taken much of Adriana's willpower to keep from bursting into laughter at her sister's outraged expression. Unable to suppress her smile, she had walked towards the choir room in step with Brittany, marking this in her mind as step one of her plan to help change her sister's life.

As she had thought, Brittany was a talented and welcome addition, although the fact that she was a cheerleader had met with more than a little suspicion from the others. But with Adriana vouching for her, and Rachel dramatically backing up Adriana's choice as well, she had been suspected and mostly welcomed, and the rehearsal had passed pleasantly. Brittany had even winked at her as they ended for the afternoon, not even taking on a more negative expression when Rachel came up behind them and linked her arm through Adriana's, chattering at full speed and volume about the success of their most recently practiced number.

Of course, it was different once she got home, with Santana waiting for her. Adriana really hadn't expected any less than fury, and that was what she got.

"How could you do this to me?" Santana had demanded the moment Adriana was within her sight, not even bothering to keep her voice down so their abuela wouldn't hear. "You got Brittany to join Glee club, why would you do this to me?!"

"I didn't make Brittany join, she wanted to," Adriana said calmly, even as she fought not to giggle at her sister's stricken, almost strangled expression. "I don't see what it has to do with you either. It's Brittany, not you."

"What do you mean, you don't see what it has to do with me?!" Santana had almost shouted, even more indignant at this response as she flung her hands out furiously, launching into a response that was half Spanish and half English, a lapse that often occurred when she was particularly upset. "It's Brittany!"

"Right, and your name is Santana," Adriana reminded her, shrugging, knowing and taking some pleasure in how she was only frustrating her sister further.

"Brittany is a cheerleader and so am I! What will it look like for one of the cheerleaders to be in Glee?! They'll start thinking that I'm in Glee too because I hang out with her! They'll think that we're just as dorky as you guys! It's bad enough that my twin is in Glee, but now my-"

She stopped abruptly, not finishing her sentence, even as Adriana picked up on this immediately.

"Your what? What is Brittany to you, anyway?"

"My…my best friend," Santana muttered, even as her skin flushed darkly and she briefly bit her lower lip. "She's my best friend. It makes me look bad if my best friend is lumped in with you geeks."

"I thought I was your best friend," Adriana feigned hurt, even as she continued to fight back her smile. "Wow, I'm not your best friend anymore AND you're embarrassed by me?"

"Shut up," Santana snapped, obviously in no mood for guilt or apologies. "I know you did this just to get to me, Adriana. Why are you so caught up in this stupid Glee thing?"

"First off, Brittany joined because she wanted to, I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with a desire to piss you off. And I didn't talk her into anything, because I'm pretty sure if she really didn't want to, she wouldn't have. And anyway, Brittany can sing, she can dance, she's pretty, we're lucky to get her. Besides, San, she likes it. She thinks it's fun, and you would too if you gave it a chance. Are you really that embarrassed, or are you just mad that she's going to have fun without you now and have less time to be with you, because you're too scared of what everyone else thinks to join?"

Adriana added the last part as a sudden inkling of this hit her. She had a feeling she had hit the mark from the way Santana jerked her face out of her view, shaking her head tightly, so she went on.

"Brittany isn't afraid of what other people think, and she wants to do it. Don't you want her to have fun, San? Isn't it okay if she isn't with you all the time, since she isn't your girlfriend or anything?"

"It doesn't look like a hell of a lot of fun when people throw ice cold drinks on your FUN little Glee mates," Santana shot back, crossing her arms over her chest and cocking her head, as though sure she had conceded a point. "You think I want that to happen to Britt?"

"I think you're scared it will happen to you," Adriana said quietly, looking her sister in the eye.

She knew she had hit another mark when Santana flinched, biting her lower lip again and looking away. When she spoke again, her voice was quieter, more vulnerable than she had let show before.

"I worked so hard to get where I'm at in this school, Adriana. I don't want this stupid club to ruin that for me."

Adriana regarded her, feeling for her sister, but nevertheless knowing, even so, that it didn't matter. If Santana would only put herself outside of her fears, she could be happier. Adriana just knew it. After all, wasn't she?

"Let it go, Sanny," she said quietly, reaching out and twining her fingers with her sister's. "Let her have her fun." She paused, allowing a teasing smirk to curve her lips, before she added, "Unless you think she'll like another girl better? Don't worry, Rachel is taken."

Santana glared at her, jerking her hand away and giving her a little shove, and Adriana didn't stop her own giggles that time. Even as her sister shook her head, muttering under her breath that she still couldn't believe Adriana would even want to look at that Elf Queen dork, Adriana could see that Santana too was fighting a small smile.

88

The next couple of days, for Adriana, passed almost flawlessly, exactly as she might have hoped they would. She attended classes, ate lunch with Rachel and her friends, went to Glee after school, which Brittany came to and fully participated with each time. On one occasion she was certain she saw her sister lurking outside the choir room door, her brow furrowed in what was either concentration or the beginnings of a scowl. She didn't have enough time to determine this for sure, because as soon as Adriana tried to catch her eye and smile in what she thought was an encouraging manner, Santana had turned her head fast and continued down the hall. Adriana hadn't let it bother her. In fact, she found it pretty encouraging. Between Brittany's presence in Glee, her casual references to it and its activities to Santana, and the fact that she was now spending a few hours a day apart from her, Santana was pretty sure her curiosity was only going to get more intense as time went by. And her sister, when wanting to know something, never could resist doing what it took to find it out.

She had spent another afternoon after Glee practice at Rachel's house, and after she had gotten through the long period of time where Rachel would present her with the detailed notes she had taken on Adriana's performance during Glee rehearsals, they would spend time together that inevitably would become kissing and shy touching, as they had before. Adriana could feel herself slowly opening up to her, losing the shyness and fear that had always been a part of her since she could remember, even with- or maybe especially with- her time with Amanda. Never before, outside of being with Santana, had she felt that she could relax and let herself feel safe, and for the first time, she was beginning to.

Despite all of Santana's vows to the contrary, Adriana was actually enjoying her time in school. She felt that she was beginning to find her place, that she was wanted, valued- even happy.

But then came the day that set the changes into motion.

88

Adriana didn't understand what she was seeing at first. It was difficult to even immediately recognize Rachel, with her features as obscured as they were by the thick red liquid dripping from her hair and over her face, soaking into her favorite reindeer sweater and staining her white tights. It was the reindeer sweater that helped Adriana identify her, and her first horrified thought was that she was seeing her girlfriend covered in blood. When she froze, flashes of her own blood covered face from her own beating coming to mind, she found herself unable to move forward to help Rachel in her horror, until she heard the girl hold up a hand of reassurance, addressing her.

"Really, Adriana, it's okay, no need to look so distressed, this is simply part of what occurs when you occupy my place in McKinley's popularity rankings system. It certainly isn't worth getting so upset over, although I do admit that I wish they would have chosen a different color such as yellow or green that perhaps wouldn't have stained my tights quite as badly. Oh well, I am of course prepared with an extra outfit in my locker, and I am well versed by now in how to wash myself off in the bathroom sinks."

It took Adriana another few moments to realize that Rachel was not in fact covered with blood, but rather a cherry flavored Slushee. Her momentary relief with this was quickly replaced with indignation as she came forward and took hold of her arm, heedless of the dripping icy liquid staining her as well.

"But Rachel, that's terrible! I know they do these things here, but to you…and so much? Rachel, why don't you tell someone? Why don't you report them?"

Rachel shrugged her shoulders, resigned and factual in her response.

"Because it has been tried before, Adriana, and their response is simple and plausible. They claim that they tripped, or their arm was knocked by a bypasser, or that they set it on a desk or a table and someone's elbow jogged it. There are many inventive ways to claim that someone was doused with an ice cold and brightly colored beverage other than their intentional choice, and adults would rather believe what reason gives them the least amount of work to act upon."

"But that isn't fair," Adriana said, her voice gathering heat and volume as she put an arm around Rachel, wanting to half support her as she lead her to the bathroom to help her clean herself up. "That isn't fair at all. So they can just do this whenever they want and never get in trouble?"

"Basically, yes," Rachel said calmly, shrugging her shoulders. "I'm used to it, Adriana, there is no point in getting so upset. I think they enjoy it more then. But I would really appreciate it if you would help me clean up? It gets very sticky in my hair and the back of my neck, it is difficult to really get clean there without assistance."

"Of course," Adriana said immediately, tightening her arm around Rachel. "Whatever you need."

As they entered the bathroom, Adriana set to work with Rachel instructing her, helping her use the rough paper towels to wipe off her face, then wetting the paper towels with soap and water to remove sticky residue. She helped Rachel bend her head over the sink, running her hands through her thick, now tangled hair in an effort to help ease the slushee out of it. She repeatedly took the school's slimy cheap soap into her hands and worked Rachel's hair into a lather, taking her time and using as much tenderness as she could, even massaging her scalp. Adriana heard Rachel sigh with some bliss at this attention, her eyes closed, and her shoulders seemed to relax over the sink.

"No one ever helps me like this," Rachel said after a few moments, her voice uncharacteristically soft. "Well, Kurt or Tina, if they were slushied too, but otherwise no. It would just be asking for them to get it with me."

"I would never walk past you like that and not help you," Adriana told her, her own voice hushed as well. "I don't care if they want to do the same to me. I always will help you, Rachel. Always."

She rubbed Rachel's back with the paper towel beneath her shirt, partly to help remove the residue of the slushee, but partly in a comforting massage. She heard Rachel sigh, leaning into her hand, and Adriana carefully rubbed her hair as dry as possible with the paper towels before helping her to stand upright again. She watched as Rachel changed into the clothes she had retrieved from her locker, her breath catching, and although she was flushing at the briefly exposed parts of Rachel's body, she couldn't stop her smile, nor could she resist blurting out her thoughts once Rachel was fully dressed.

"You're so pretty."

Rachel's smile lit up her face, and she reached out to touch Adriana's cheek gently, looking into her eyes.

"So are you."

Adriana covered Rachel's hand with hers, looking back at her. She found her hand coming forward shyly, touching the other girl's hip, and then Rachel was stepping closer to her as well, her wet clothes forgotten on the floor. Adriana found herself leaning forward, her lips meeting Rachel's as the other girl twined her fingers in her hair, and she closed her eyes, letting herself give in to the moment between them.

It was interrupted all too soon though by the banging of the bathroom door opening and closing, by the faint gasp, then mocking laughter of another girl present. Adriana's eyes flew open, and her head jerked back, taking in the sight of Quinn Fabray, one of the fellow cheerleaders on Santana's squad and in her group of friends, looking at them with cutting eyes.

"Can't say I'm surprised that Man Hands is lurking like the dark troll she is in the closet, but the sister of Lopez? Tut, tut, how embarrassing. Unless of course she's the same way?"

Adriana's face flushed dark with horror, and her eyes widened as she immediately began to plead with Quinn. How would Santana be able to take it if Quinn spread a rumor like that?

"Quinn, please, no, that isn't true about Santana. Please, can't you just-"

But the girl was already backing out of the bathroom without even using the facilities, chuckling to herself. As Rachel looked at Adriana with a furrowed brow, Adriana couldn't even fake a smile.


	12. Chapter 12

For the rest of the school day, Adriana couldn't get Quinn's sneering expression, her taunting words, out of her thoughts. She could see the near glee in her expression as Quinn spoke of her twin, nearly threatening her with her words towards her. And she knew…knew…that Santana was not ready for that. That Santana could not tolerate it, whatever her bravado, like Adriana thought that she herself could if she had to.

It bothered her to the point that she couldn't concentrate in class, and couldn't even focus her attention on Rachel. Rachel too could see her worry and tried to comfort, but her effort wasn't very successful.

"Ana, that's just what Quinn is like, she likes to make people feel small, so you just have to hold your head up high and don't let her," the other girl tried to tell her, giving Adriana a reassuring pat on her back as they made their way during lunch period towards the library. Adriana had suspected that going to the cafeteria just then would be begging for another slushy attack, after what Quinn had seen. "Just don't let her get to you, pretend it doesn't matter at all."

"I don't care what she says about me," Adriana had told her quietly, shaking her head. "That's not it at all, Rachel…it's what she said about Santana."

"Santana won't care about that kind of thing," Rachel had tried, actually seeming to believe her own words. "Santana is strong too, she's the one who makes fun of other people most of the time. She'll be fine even if Quinn does make fun of her."

She had paused then, tilting her head as she looked at Adriana curiously. "But what she would say, about Santana being like you, it wouldn't be true, would it?"

And Adriana had had to pretend that she couldn't hear. Because even to her girlfriend, which she was pretty sure Rachel was to her now, how could she tell her sister's secret like that?

What Rachel didn't know, what Adriana was sure that no one knew but she herself, was that Santana wasn't nearly as strong as she portrayed herself to the world to be. What Rachel didn't know was that her sister was sensitive, her sister was scared, and that Adriana knew she had to protect her. Even if it meant taking the bullets for her that Quinn might intend to be aimed Santana's way.

So that afternoon, she skipped Glee practice with a mumbled excuse to an incredulous Rachel, instead waiting just outside the cheerleading practice to find Quinn once they had finished up. She tried to ignore the suspicious look her sister shot her as she went past them, focusing on the blonde as she approached her.

"Quinn…you can say whatever you want about me, and even Rachel, because Rachel is really strong and I know she can handle it," she said quietly, licking her lips. "But please, please don't say anything mean about my sister. Please, don't spread cruel things about Santana around the school. If you want to do that, do it about me."

Quinn raised an eyebrow, taking her time in smoothing back a strand of hair behind her ear as she answered.

"Looks to me, Lopez, like you were feeling pretty damn proud of yourself when you were all over Treasure Trail in the bathroom today. Didn't seem like you were feeling much shame at all. So why should your sister feel any differently?"

"Quinn," Adriana said quietly, keeping her eyes on the other girl's. She tried not to blink, not to give her any sign of weakness or fumbling to use against herself. "Quinn, please. I'm just asking you…please."

She held the girl's gaze, watching when Quinn finally looked away, seeming uncomfortable, and covered her words with a bark of a laugh.

"Whatever. Like I really waste my time talking about people like you."

The blonde brushed past her, eyes fixed straight ahead, and Adriana bit her lip, watching her go. When her sister came up to her, grabbing hold of her arm and asking with suspicion what she had wanted of Quinn, Adriana forced a smile and said the first thing that she could think of about needing their math assignment. She knew very well from Santana's expression that her sister didn't believe her for a second, but it was the best she could come up with and the most she was going to say.

88

Adriana didn't sleep well that night. She lay awake, eyes open in the upper bunk that Santana had recently made her reclaim for herself, listening to the soft noises of her sister's breathing and wondering to herself whether Quinn would keep her not quite made promise. Most of the time, for as far back as they could remember, Adriana knew that Santana viewed herself as Adriana's protector, as the one person who looked out for her above everyone else. Now she felt that the tables were beginning to turn, and it was her job to ensure her sister's protection. Because as much as she hoped that it wouldn't even be needed, she knew that eventually, whether through Quinn or someone else, the reality of her and Rachel's relationship was going to get out. And when that happened, almost inevitably some fallout would dawn on Santana.

For the first few hours of her day, Adriana dared to hope that her worries were for nothing. She got through her morning with her sister and her abuela as usual, with minimal talking from the grumpy, non-morning-person Santana and the usually terse Alma Lopez. She rode the bus with her sister ignoring most of what was going on around her as usual, and she walked down the halls to her locker trying to avoid making too much eye contact with others.

But that was when she first started to notice the whispers and smirks aimed her way- at least it very much seemed like they were. And when Adriana opened her locker, she noticed the folded paper inside, with the word "Ho-Pez" written in angry black letters across its front. With slightly trembling hands she unfolded it, reading the two words with her stomach sloshing queasily inside her.

"Fucking dyke."

Adriana swallowed hard, biting the inside of her cheeks, and blinked back the hot tears that automatically sprang to her eyes. No…she wasn't letting this get to her. She wasn't going to let anyone bring her down with this kind of ignorance, not now, not ever. She wasn't moving past that now. In fact, she wasn't even going to let anyone know she had read it. Crumpling it into a ball, she shoved it into her pocket, retrieved her books, and walked on, making herself smile as she met Rachel at her locker.

She could ignore this, if that was all that was going to happen. What was a few whispers and a few notes, as long as Santana would be okay?

88

"A few notes" might have been a little bit of an understatement of an expectation. Because by sixth period, Adriana had found at least five more notes stuffed into her locker, each written by a different hand, and some were much nastier in their declarations than others. She had received two paper airplane notes tossed her way when the teacher's back was turned, and someone had even stuffed one into her backpack, somehow, without her noticing them doing it. The ones with the names on it were bad enough, but one of them, complete with a disgusting drawing of herself and Rachel together in a rather compromising position, made her entire body flush with mortification and near shame. But the one that bothered her the most was the one with the crude depicitions of two identical black haired girls, labeled with her and her sister's names.

How could someone imply that she was intimate with her own sister? What was wrong with people at this school?

A few times, Rachel stopped her usual run of talk and looked at Adriana a little more closely, asking her if she was okay. Each time Adriana would put on a smile and assure her that she was, telling herself that this was the case too. Because really, she was, right? What was a few stupid notes and pictures, if that meant that her sister could be happy and safe?

She was strong enough not to let something so silly and ignorant get her down. She was strong enough that none of it mattered.

Still, even when she went to Glee and did her best to lose herself in singing and dancing with the others, even when she had to smile to catch her sister once more lurking outside the choir door before her cheerleading practice, it was difficult to forget.

88

"So Mercedes needs some definite work on the steps in our second number, but Brittany really has it down pat and I'm certain she would be able to assist her, if only Mercedes would actually follow through with asking her, and most of the boys could use some work too," Rachel was rambling from where she sat, back ramrod straight, face aglow with her intensity of focus in her own thoughts as she ran through their most recent Glee club rehearsal. "Tina's vocal were a little weak and pitchy but Artie is really much improved, and although you did stumble just a little bit at the second verse you yourself are doing really well, Ana, I'm proud of you. I am so, so happy you joined up with us."

Adriana gave Rachel a smile, trying to bring herself back into the conversation at hand instead of those that were still playing in her head as she adjusted her positioning on Rachel's bed.

"Yeah, you're right," she said, more so because it was usually the right answer to agree with Rachel rather than because she was actually listening to her. "Totally."

"I really think we will do incredibly well in regionals this year," Rachel continued, her eyes aglow with the prospect. "This could be the year we make it to Nationals for the first time. This is so exciting, and although of course the majority of it is due to my natural talents, hard work, and my ability to push all the others to their best, part of it is due to you as well, Adriana. Without you joining up and getting Brittany to join our team wouldn't be nearly as coordinated and smooth together. Thank you!"

She gave Adriana an impulsive hug, squeezing her tightly, and Adriana tried to hug her back with an equal smile. But something about it must have been off, because Rachel pulled back a little, frowning as she peered at her more closely.

"What's the matter, Ana? Are you nervous? I promise, everyone has a little bit of butterflies when they perform for the first time but even professionals can get that sort of reaction and it's actually a good thing, it means that you truly care how you do. You'll be amazing, I know it."

"Yeah," Adriana told her with another forced smile, trying to focus on the bit of truth that was in her response. "I'm nervous. But you're right, we'll be good. We'll be amazing."

"I've seen Santana hanging outside the choir room several times, now," Rachel continued to observe, her lip twitching just a little with her dislike for the other girl as she mentioned Santana's name. "Is she waiting for Brittany to finish? Or is she trying to spy on us so she can leak our setlist to our competitors? Because if that's the case, then she really must be stopped, Adriana, it isn't at all right that she should have access. I understand that she is your sister, but-"

"She isn't trying to steal anything," Adriana interrupted, confidence genuinely in her tone for the first time. "I promise. She's not going to do anything, Rachel, don't worry."

"If you say so…still, it does seem suspicious," Rachel's own tone was dubious as she sighed. "Still, I do wish that Mr. Shuester would invest in sound proofing the choir room."

She started to talk again about something to do with Glee that Adriana could not keep interest or focus on, and as the other girl sprawled out on her stomach on Rachel's bed, leaning lightly against her and smiling when Rachel's hand started to absently stroke through her hair, she checked her phone messages, realizing that she had at least ten unread messages since the last time she had done so. Scrawling through, Adriana frowned, confused, when she saw that none of the numbers that had sent messages were ones she recognized, and none of them had a name programmed into her phone. Her brow furrowed, she started to read through them, her body stiffening more and more as she skimmed through.

There was no way to know whether the messages were from one person, using different numbers to accomplish the task, or whether several people had decided as a group to send the messages together. Whatever the case may be, every message sent to her was a variation of the same hateful theme: that she was a dyke, a faggot, a queer, a whore, a slut. All of them had something to do with her being a lesbian, and all of them were hardly messages of support.

Adriana's face reddened, and she quickly deleted them, swallowing hard. Checking instead on her Facebook, she saw that she had one inbox and clicked on it, seeing that someone had sent her a friend request. As she looked it over, she couldn't help but gasp aloud, and hot tears stung her eyes before she could force them back.

Someone had made a fake Facebook account, using one of her own photos from her own Facebook page and photoshopping a mustache and beard over her features. The false profile was using the name "Gaydriana Ho-pez" and it was a public profile, with none of the posts hidden from anyone's view who might come across the page. Someone was putting up status updates with statements such as "My favorite food is Berry" and "Strap ons turn me on!" And as Adriana scrolled through, her throat tight with horror, she saw that the page already had well over two hundred friends added, who had already written on the walls comments so disgusting that she hurriedly clicked off of Facebook entirely, trying to suppress the sobs trying to burst forth from her throat.

Who would have done this? Quinn? One of Quinn's friends, or one of the boys she hung out with? Who would hate Adriana so much that they would want to humiliate her like this, when she had barely even spoken to most of the people in the school?

For the first time, Adriana truly understood her sister's fear in being herself at William Mckinley High School, and for the first time, she almost wished that she had followed her advice.

"Ana? Ana, what's wrong?"

Adriana's head jerked up as she heard Rachel's voice, and she pressed her lips into a thin line, trying to compose herself before she could respond. She saw the other girl's eyes drop with curiosity down to the phone in her hand, and Adriana quickly covered it, worried that Rachel would pick it up and somehow figure out what she had already made the gestures to remove from her own sight.

"Nothing…just, um, I really didn't, um, someone had a mean picture of, you know those animals that are abused? On my Facebook wall?" Adriana stumbled, grasping with some awkwardness for something that she hoped would make some kind of sense and get Rachel distracted enough to leave her be. "And, um, it was really terrible and it just, I hate those things so much."

And it seemed to work. As Rachel shook her head, her voice taking on the familiar indignation that it always seemed to when she had a cause to champion, Adriana let herself relax just a little, to wrap an arm around Rachel and sink into her side until the other girl's venting over the injustice of cruelty to animals had died down. But even as they went to join her fathers for dinner and Adriana tried to banter and smile and enjoy their playful banter as she always had before, all she could think of was the terrible Facebook page and its comments- and worry that if there wasn't already one for Santana too, there would be soon.


	13. Chapter 13

Adriana thought for the next few days that things were getting a little better. Although the smirks and whispers continued, they seemed to be dying down, and she hadn't seen Quinn apart from her sister and Brittany in the halls for Quinn to make comments again. She had stayed well away from the Facebook page, not wanting to see what else was said, and a search had informed her that as of now, Santana had no matching page for herself. Maybe, Adriana told herself, this was a test of some sort, a way to see if she could handle herself by McKinley standards. Maybe if she stayed quiet and didn't tell on them, and didn't crack under the pressure of their actions, they would stop, and they would leave Santana alone. Maybe she just had to let them go through with whatever they wanted to do for a few days or weeks, and then it would be over.

So she struggled through the rest of her week with her head held high, even as her cheeks stained red and she had to fight with all she had to pretend not to hear the whispers and cutting remarks. She tore up the notes put into her locker without even reading them, or stuffed them into her pants pockets to dispose of later, if Rachel or Santana was nearby. She tried not to draw any more attention to herself than was necessary, and she actually thought for a day or two that it seemed to be helping.

But it was pretty hard to ignore the bold letters written in what looked like Sharpie marker over her locker one morning, as she walked with Rachel to retrieve her books. Adriana heard Rachel's sharp gasp before she saw it herself, and as she stepped closer to read, her cheeks flooded with color. She pressed her lips into a thin line, breathing in and out through her nose to try to calm herself as Rachel burst into indignant speech behind her.

"Gaydriana Hopez?! That's terrible, Adriana, that's such a horrible, insulting thing to do to you and your name! Your name is beautiful, it's strong and powerful and representative of your ethnicity, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being inclined towards females in your sexual preference, and you are certainly not sexually promiscuous, nor is it appropriate to call a female as such even if she did enjoy sex on a regular basis! This is wrong, this is cruel, and we have to find out who did this and report them immediately!"

Alarm bells rang off in Adriana's thoughts, and she shook her head hurriedly, almost stammering in her effort to head off the wheels she could practically see turning in Rachel's brain.

"Rachel, it's okay. It's…it's just being dumb, we don't need to pay it any attention. If we just ignore it then it won't be so funny to people."

"Adriana, we can't just ignore someone who does something like this!" Rachel said incredulously, her eyes wide as she turned to blink furiously at Adriana. "This is a hate crime, Ana, this is something that you should not have to deal with and which frankly could escalate into aggression if it is allowed to continue. This is bullying and if you let them get away with this, they could continue. This is-"

"Rachel, stop," Adriana interrupted, her voice gathering strength as she turned to face her. "It's…it's nothing. Let's just move on, okay?"

"But Ana-" Rachel started, insistent, and Adriana could tell from the way she gripped hold of her that she wasn't about to let it go. "You have to-"

"No!" Adriana snapped, her voice louder and more angry in tone than she had intended. "I said to leave it, Rachel, so just leave it! Stop trying to tell me what to do!"

She was sorry as soon as she saw the hurt in Rachel's face, the way that the girl's hand slowly slipped off her shoulder. But she couldn't explain, and her apology sounded weak even to her own ears. She was all too aware of her sister's dark expression as she passed them by, of the way she hesitated, but didn't stop to talk to her in her huddle of cheerleaders. For the rest of the day Adriana avoided her locker, but she noticed the next morning that whether because of a report from Rachel or Santana or because of an industrious janitor, the words had been removed.

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The following day at school, Adriana was more reticent than even before, feeling a need to keep herself on guard. She found herself continually looking around herself, trying to catch someone who might be whispering about her or Santana or Rachel, saying something too loudly that others might hear. She was jumpy at every loud noise and watchful for anything else that might be aimed towards cruelty at her, feeling the need to be able to see it and hide it before Rachel, Santana, or anyone else might see. She knew that it was starting to affect her when she found herself spacing out when Rachel or anyone else was talking to her, and she found it almost impossible to concentrate in class. She could see her grades, usually very good, beginning to slip because of it, but what other option did she have but to maintain her watchfulness?

Even with her guard so high, though, she couldn't pay attention to everything, and it was while walking alone, on her way to her history class, that she felt a large, strong hand not just touch, not just cup her backside, but actually give it a prolonged and deliberate squeeze. Adriana gasped, her heart leaping up her throat, and spun around quickly, coming face to face with a large, stocky boy wearing a letterman jacket and a smug grin. Heart beating quickly, Adriana swallowed hard, looking past him to see several somewhat smaller boys snickering and high fiving behind him. Obviously this was something they found very amusing, and despite their superior sizes in comparison to her own, she took a deep breath, trying to find the words to retaliate even as the boy- Dave, she remembered, his name was David Karofsky- spoke first.

"Thought you might learn to appreciate a real man's touch, Ho-pez. Girls like you just need a guy like me to straighten them out."

Adriana took another breath, feeling a shudder of repulsion run down her spine. Deep down, she knew that people like Dave probably weren't as tough as they wanted to present themselves to be; why else would he need an audience to confront her face to face? But at the same time, another part of her was flashing back to what had happened with Amanda and her boyfriend, about how little it had taken for him to put his hands on her, to truly want to and follow through on hurting her, and she couldn't help but fear what it would take for a boy Dave's size to do the same.

She didn't want to make him angry- what if he snapped, like Amanda's boyfriend had? How would he react if she hurt his pride in front of all his friends? But she couldn't just let him treat her like that…could she?

"Dave," she said finally, her voice quavering just slightly. "Can….can we talk after sixth period?"

She felt her face flush when the other boys whooped, making rather perverse remarks about what she and Dave were supposedly going to do instead of talk, and she felt sick at the way Dave grinned at her, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Sure, Ho-pez, we can TALK. Knew it wouldn't take much to turn you right."

He strolled off, his walk more like a swagger, with his friends beside him, bumping shoulders as though in congratulations. Adriana stood still, barely able to breathe, until she was able to force herself to move along, each step heavy with her dread and fear.

She could barely hear what the teacher was saying throughout her next class. She knew that she would be speaking with Dave after, and her stomach was tying itself in knots with anxiety over what he might say or do in response to her. It seemed all too soon that the bell rang for the end of the period and she was searching out the junior hall for Dave, finally locating him at its end and approaching with reluctant steps. She swallowed hard as she inclined her head for him to follow her to a more remote area around the corner of the hallway, trying not to look into his cocky gaze as she spoke.

"Dave…if, if you're the one who's, you know, sending me notes, and, and writing things on Facebook about me, and…texting me, or…if you know the people who are doing it, or if any of it was your idea….please, can you please stop? And please, please stop touching me in the hall like you did today. I really… it really hurts me. I just…please, can you please stop."

Dave crossed his arms over his chest, leaning most of his weight over one hip as he looked down his nose at her.

"Stop, huh? Why the hell should I? It's all true, isn't it? You're a dyke, you should be the one to stop. You get what you get."

Adriana swallowed, feeling tears burn her eyes, and blinked hard against them as she struggled to keep control. Taking another breath, she looked back up at him.

"Dave…I didn't do anything to you. I never even talked to you before. I'm not doing anything to hurt you and neither is Rachel, so please, stop doing things that hurt me. And please don't do anything to hurt her either. Please."

"Her face hurts me," Dave shot back, his eyebrows beginning to slant towards his nose as the mocking tone of his voice began to be tainted instead by a hint of menace that made Adriana take a step back, her chest tightening.

"That's…Dave, please, that isn't funny. I…you know, what you are doing…it's a hate crime? And that's illegal. You could…if I really wanted to, I could tell the principal, and your football scholarship chances, they could be threatened forever. I don't want to do that Dave, I really, really don't, but-"

"You fucking bitch," Dave spat, his eyes darkening so quickly that Adriana lost her breath, a cold chill sweeping over her frame. She saw his meaty fists clinch at his sides, the muscles of his arms twitching, and for several moments she genuinely thought he would hit her. "You do that, and I'll tell everyone in the whole damn school I saw you going down not just on Berry, but your own slut of a sister too. You want your sister to be part of this? Don't think I haven't heard shit about you two. The lesbian Lopezes, with their freaky twin shit, getting kicked out of your old high school for your twisted little sex games. I know people who know people, Ho-Pez, and they're gonna back me up, all the way. You think I don't know what your sis was up to back then? You take me down, and I'm taking her down, all the way."

He was serious. Looking up at his darkened expression, at his heavily breathing form as he stared down at her, Adriana knew that he would do it. He would tell everything he could about Santana, whether he knew it was true or not, and he would make up more besides. Santana and the careful reputation she had worked so hard to maintain since her arrival at their new school would be destroyed in moments. She would be shunned from the cheerleaders, if not kicked out entirely, she would be harassed even more mercilessly than Adriana herself was experiencing, and she would be crushed by it all, with no idea of why it was happening or how. And when she realized that it was because of Adriana, because she had not done what she could to protect her from it, she would be furious with her too. Adriana would be the one to blame, because she could have saved her from the pain of it all.

Santana didn't need to have to deal with that. Santana hadn't done anything to deserve it. For most of their lives Santana had looked out for Adriana, doing what she could to protect and stick up for her, and now it was Adriana's turn to return the favor.

Taking another steadying breath, trying to ignore the sick feeling in her stomach, Adriana nodded slowly.

"I understand," she said quietly. "I…don't worry about it, Dave. I'm not going to say anything. Please, don't say anything about my sister. And please, please leave me alone."

Dave just laughed, shaking his head as if in disgust, and walked away. It wasn't an answer at all, and it certainly wasn't a promise. And that was exactly what left Adriana standing, sickened, even as the warning bell rang to start the next period.

She didn't hear her name being called until it was accompanied by a hand on her shoulder, and she jumped, giving a shriek of shock as she turned fast to face the person addressing her. Seeing her sister's raised eyebrows as she tilted her head towards her, frowning, Adriana tried to force herself to relax, her tense shoulders slumping as she attempted a smile.

"Oh, San, I didn't hear you."

"No shit, you looked like you were about to pass out," Santana frowned, peering at her closely- and with obvious suspicious. "Adri, what the hell were you talking to Karofsky about? Was he giving you a hard time?"

Adriana's mind raced as she tried to come up with a reply. She was a terrible liar at the best of times, and she knew her sister could see through it even more than most. But she could hardly tell her what they were discussing. What was she supposed to do?

"It's okay," she said shakily, shrugging. "He was just…um, trying to flirt. It was silly."

Santana stared at her, her eyebrows slanting towards her nose before she shook her head. "Nope, don't buy it. Karofsky is an ass and I know he was saying shit. Look, you stay the hell away from him, Adri, he's bad news. If he's bothering you, you tell me and I'll take care of it."

Santana was sincere; Adriana had no doubt her sister would try to physically confront him for her, with no regard for her own safety. But she could never let her do that. Not now, not with his threat. Not ever.

"It's fine," she told Santana instead, avoiding her eyes. "He wasn't bothering me…we're gonna be late for class, we gotta get going."

She started to walk away, even as she could feel her sister's doubting eyes boring into her back. She wanted to tell her; she wanted to have her sister's support of her, to hear her tell her that she would make it okay. But she couldn't do that to her; it wasn't worth the risk, for only a few moments of her own need for support.

88

"Adri? Adri, wake up. Adri…hey!"

It wasn't until she felt the hands on her shoulders that Adriana could really become aware of the voice calling her name. She gave a shriek, batting out blindly at the person that she felt to be holding her down, and was greeted with a responding hoarse cry. Adriana felt a handful of silky hair between her fingers, a second yelp of pain, and as she opened her eyes wide, her eyes adjusting to the room's darkness, she began to piece together slowly what was happening. Still caught within the parameters of her dream, she took several shaky breaths, her heart pounding hard and fast in her chest, as she blinked, trying to calm down.

"What the hell, Adri?" her sister said in some disgust, and Santana saw that she was rubbing her head where Adriana had apparently pulled her hair, making a face at her. "Jesus, remind me not to show empathy or concern in the future since all it does is get me about killed."

Adriana saw then that they were alone in their bedroom, that Santana was balanced precariously on the ladder leading up to the top bunk of their beds, where Adriana was half sitting up, still disoriented from her dream. It seemed, she realized slowly, that she had struck out at Santana when Santana tried to awaken her from her dream, and she had had to struggle not to be pushed off of the ladder. But how was Adriana supposed to explain to her that she had thought Santana to be a much larger, much more sinister, and much more masculine person, someone who was intending her harm? How could she explain to her the way Amanda's boyfriend and Dave Karofsky had switched back and forth as though the same person in her dreams, how they had held her down, painting her with a strange mixture of slushee and blood as Rachel and Santana stood near, watching, little pieces of their body slowly disappearing until only their faces were left?

It wasn't a dream she could explain to her, not without Santana having way more questions that she would absolutely demand an answer from, so Adriana drew in another shaky breath, trying to keep her voice steady as she responded.

"I'm sorry, Sanny…I…it was just a bad dream."

"Yeah, I gathered that, from the hysterical screeching that was going on there," Santana said dryly, rolling her eyes, but Adriana could see the genuine concern in her face. She leaned more firmly against the ladder, one hand supporting herself against the bunk bed rail, the other resting on Adriana's shoulder. "Must have been one hell of a dream. What was going on?"

Adriana took another breath, hoping that in the darkness, Santana would not notice the feelings she was sure were showing in her eyes. She tried to smile regardless, shrugging her shoulders beneath her sister's hand.

"I don't remember, Tana."

But Santana was eyeing her suspiciously, and without further ado she pushed at Adriana's shoulder, a wordless demand for her to move over. Adriana obliged, thinking with some faint sadness that it had been years since the two of them had squeezed together on the top bunk of the bunk beds. Back when they were kids, it had been considered the cooler spot to sleep, and Santana had demanded to be the one to have it full time. She had only let Adriana up there with her on the days she was feeling particularly magnanimous, or when Adriana was particularly sad. Adriana had a feeling that Santana was unconsciously being influenced by the latter as she pushed herself in beside her, her hip and shoulder against Adriana's as she turned her face more fully towards her.

"You've been different lately," Santana announced, her tone abrupt, almost harsh, but Adriana could still see the worry in the sharpness of her gaze. "You never talk about anything, and I would have thought that if you ever actually did something as gross as fall in love with Berry, you'd be making my ears bleed and my stomach start going all bulimic by spilling every single disturbing detail of your geeky love times together. But you don't seem happy at all. You seem all weird and nervous and sad. I want to know what's up, and I want to know it now. Is Berry driving you as crazy as she drives me? Because you don't have to be with her, you know. You're allowed to break up with someone without worrying about it hurting their feelings or if they're gonna have like some Broadway hysterical breakdown that involves shaving their eyebrows and wearing only black lace for the next year. If you want me to do it for you, I totally will, and believe me, the way I tell it, she'll get the picture loud and clear."

"Santana, no," Adriana said quickly, shaking her head as adamantly as she could. "No, there's nothing wrong with Rachel, or me being with Rachel. She's really very sweet, it's all fine there. No, it's not Rachel at all."

"But it's something," Santana noted, even as Adriana inwardly kicked herself, realizing just after she had spoken that her words had made that implication. "It's not Rachel, but it's something. What then, is it people giving you shit over dating Rachel? Because even though I totally kick your ass over it too sometimes, if someone's really bothering you, I want to know, and I want names and times and details, because I'll handle it for you. No one can give you shit but me, Adri. Who's bothering you?"

But as sincere as she knew her sister was, Adriana couldn't tell her, exactly because she knew Santana would follow through on her word. And how could she let her sister go out and confront the people like Dave or Quinn or anyone else that had any part in what was going on, when they would follow through on their threats to out her too? If there was any way to avoid Santana being unhappy, being hurt, then Adriana had to make sure it continued. After all, she had hurt her sister once, by leaving her behind, and look where it had gotten her in her life. She had been hurt before, physically and emotionally, and Santana had lost enough in their abuela. Adriana didn't want to be responsible for her losing more, when she had worked so hard to try to make up for that loss.

So she smiled at her sister, knowing very well that Santana could see through it to the effort and insincerity behind it, and lied through her teeth. Better to piss her off with lies than to tell her the truth and cause her further pain.

"Nothing's going on, Sanny, really. I'm fine, Rachel's fine, everything's fine. I just had a bad dream, that's all."

She could feel her twin staring at her, even though she averted her eyes. Santana's voice was flat, betraying her anger when she replied.

"I don't believe that for a second, Adriana Isabel. You're a fucking terrible liar, and I don't know why the hell you think you can't trust me all of a sudden. I know I joke around about Berry, but that doesn't mean I don't care. Let me guess, you can tell her about what's going on, but now I'm not good enough to fit that role."

"Santana, no, that isn't it at all," Adriana sat up straighter, alarmed more by the hurt than by the anger she could almost physically feel radiating off her sister. She reached for her arm, squeezing lightly. "No, I promise, it's not that. I just…"

She paused, unable to think of what to say. Because she already had as good as admitted there was something to say, and she was simply refusing to do that. And how could she make Santana accept that and feel okay about that, when she couldn't explain why?

"It's nothing," she said lamely, knowing how unbelievable she sounded even to her own ears. "Really, it's nothing."

Santana was quiet for a few moments, and all Adriana could hear was the sound of her breathing. When she began to move to climb back down her ladder, Adriana bit her lip, thinking she was too angry to answer at all. But finally her words came, heavy with her quiet hurt.

"Whenever you decide that you can trust me again, even though I didn't do a damn thing to make you think you can't all of a sudden, you just can remember I do still give a shit. Seeing as I'm your twin, and all, and I've all you've ever had since we were four years old. I guess that midget of a girlfriend of yours made you forget that, but don't worry. Whenever you come to your damn senses again, I'll still be there, because I'm not the one who fucking forgets where her loyalties lie."

"Santana," Adriana whispered, her heart breaking for her twin's assumptions, but Santana didn't answer. She could hear her resettling herself in the bed below, but despite Santana's pretenses of sleep, it was another few hours before she could hear the genuine change in breathing that indicated it was true.

Adriana never did go back to sleep that night. She lay awake, staring up at her ceiling and fighting tears. How could it be that the choices she made out of love were interpreted in such an opposite way?


	14. Chapter 14

Slowly, it seemed to Adriana that her life was beginning to slip past her control. Everything around her, every day, seemed a potential threat to spill her secret- not just the secret of her sister's hidden sexuality, but of the increasingly frequent and insidious bullying that she was encountering. The more she tried to ignore it, and the less often or persistently she confronted it, the more it seemed to her that it was happening, and the more difficult it was growing to hide.

She didn't want to check her email or log into Facebook, but she knew that she had to, much more frequently than she usually would, because what if someone posted something that Santana or Rachel would see, something that would mess everything up? She had taken to avoiding her locker entirely, which became complicated on the occasions that Rachel had asked, hurt, why she never responded to the notes she left on her locker or the song selections she emailed to her. Then there was Santana, telling her how much of a dork she looked like by carrying all her books in her backpack like a total geek who couldn't bear to be parted from any of them for even a class period. Adriana found herself growing quieter in Glee, frightened that someone would hear too much emotion in her voice during songs and somehow guess what was happening. She had near anxiety attacks at times that she was asked to perform or choose a song, even just among the Glee members, because what if someone outside of Glee used it against her somehow to further harass her?

She tried to walk with Rachel or other Glee members in between classes as often as possible, but even that became dangerous to her when all she could focus on was the looks thrown her way and the loud whispers thrust towards them. Whereas Adriana had once at least nodded and smiled recognition at her sister when she passed her in the halls, she now tried to avoid seeing her at all, because she wanted their connection to be given as little attention as possible. More than once Santana had noticed this and confronted her later, asking her with some actual hurt if she thought she was too good for her now, and sometimes with suspicion if Quinn or another Cheerio had been saying something to her. Every time Adriana denied it, and it ended up with Santana getting angry with her and stalking off, certain she was keeping something back. Adriana couldn't blame her; after all, she was. But it was for her, couldn't she guess that, somehow?

She had nightmares often now at night, and because they usually woke Santana up and resulted in her demands that Adriana talk to her, Adriana found herself sleeping less, worried that the nightmares would come if she slept more than a few hours. This left her tired, emotionally drained, and unable to concentrate during the day- to the point that Santana had actually asked her with suspicion once if she was "on something." For her sister to actually think that Adriana, the girl she had once referred to as Angel Adriana, was capable of such a thing, was a definite indication of how bad things were getting.

But no matter how upset or scared she was beginning to feel, or how much the others were beginning to affect her, Adriana felt that she had to keep quiet. Because if it hurt for her to experience the others' targets towards her, it would hurt that much more if Santana started to get it too- all because of her.

Rachel, though often very focused on her own schedules and plans, nevertheless was not a stupid girl, and she too had definitely noticed the changes in Adriana's behavior and demeanor. More than once Adriana had caught her frowning at her, and she had caught her by surprise one day by keeping her back in the choir room after the others had left, taking her by the hand and speaking more softly and with more vulnerability than usual.

"Adriana…I can't help but notice how sad you seem lately. You don't walk as closely to me in the halls or hold my hand as much, and you pull away if others are looking at us or talking about us. You won't even walk down the same hall as the cheerleaders or football players and you don't pass notes to me in class or partner up with me or even sing duets with me anymore unless Mr. Shue has assigned us together. You just…you seem so unhappy, and I hate to think that anything about us being together is making you feel this way. Is it…is it me? Am I making you feel unhappy? Because…because I know I can be a little, well, a little much sometimes, and sometimes my emotions and my actions can be a lot to get used to, but…but I just want you to know, I really do care about you so much. Sometimes I think too much, even, and if that's overwhelming for you, and, and you need me to step back a little bit, I do understand."

She was looking at her with wide eyed gaze, so earnest, so very much wanting to understand, and Adriana's heart twisted up with her guilt and empathy for her. Because it wasn't what Rachel was assuming at all. It wasn't that she was ashamed to be with her, or seen with her, or that she was not able to return her feelings as deeply. It was because she cared for Rachel, because she didn't want Rachel, who was already so often bullied for simply being herself, to be targeted even further.

And then the horrible thought occurred to her…what if Rachel was receiving the exact same treatment that she was, and she too was simply not sharing with Adriana what was going on? What if she was trying to protect Adriana every bit as much as Adriana was trying to protect her? She had been here longer, and was more accustomed to the meanness of the other students…what if, by making up her mind to be with Adriana in spite of it, she was getting even worse treatment than usual? What if Adriana was hurting her too by choosing to be with her?

But Adriana could not think of a way to ask this of her, a way to voice her fears. All she could bring herself to do was to shake her head, to deny Rachel's questions as though they were of no validity at all. And they weren't; it wasn't about Rachel, or anything that she was doing, that was the cause of any of this. It was simply the fact that Rachel was female, and that was something she couldn't change and that Adriana would never want it to.

She had once been afraid to come out, not just because Santana warned her against it, but because of her own fears and trepidation. For the first time, Adriana was beginning to regret making the steps she had to begin to- not for herself, but for those around her who cared about her the most.

But Rachel couldn't understand this. She didn't get it, and Adriana couldn't make her understand with what words she felt she could say.

"Ana…I feel like you want to break up with me, but you won't. Maybe you're afraid of what dramatic scene I would cause, or that it would affect our performance in Glee, or maybe you just don't want to hurt my feelings, but I can assure you, I am used to a lifetime of hurt and disappointment, and if that's what you want to do-" Rachel had begun, her chin lifted in determination even as her voice quivered, betraying her hurt.

"Rachel, no, that's not what I want…that's not it," Adriana had tried, even as she too heard her voice shake. "I don't want that….I just, I don't want you to be hurt-"

"Well it's too late for that, Adriana, because the way things have been, I am hurt," Rachel had retorted, even as her voice remained even. "I think that it's you who don't want to be hurt. And that's why you're pulling away. Why can't you tell me? That's how people grow close and overcome obstacles together, by talking through the rough times and battling adversity together. I've read about this and it sounds accurate."

When Adriana didn't speak, averting her eyes, she had heard Rachel gasp as though in realization, a new light coming to her eyes. She had stepped forward, one hand lightly touching Adriana's cheek as Adriana shut her eyes, unable to look at her to see Rachel's expression as she listened to her soft, newly compassionate words.

"Ana…I'm not like her," she said quietly, and Adriana knew exactly who she was talking about. Amanda. Rachel thought that this was about Amanda, that Adriana was not letting herself trust, and that assumption of hers brought tears of shame to choke her throat. "I would never hurt you or let someone else hurt you. I would never walk away from you to let you face others' hatred on your own…but I feel like that's what you're trying to do to me now, just to save yourself from possible pain. Please, Adriana, we can do this, but we have to be together on it."

But as sincere as she was, she couldn't understand that this idealization just wasn't going to work. She didn't understand, and so Adriana could only give the broken, unsatisfying response that she knew would not soothe Rachel's hurt.

"It's okay, Rachel…it's okay, everything's okay. There's nothing to worry about at all."

88

As lost in her own world as she normally seemed to be, Brittany Pierce was the last person that Adriana would have expected to be even paying attention to her, much less actually understanding enough of what was going on to actually confront her, but the day after Rachel's pleas, Brittany came up to Adriana in the hallway just as she was on her way to Glee rehearsal, not touching her, but deliberately blocking her path in such a way that Adriana couldn't easily get around her. Adriana had frowned, trying to politely side step her, but Brittany put out an arm, her pale eyes boring into Adriana's with an intensity so different from their usual vacancy that Adriana swallowed, immediately unsettled.

"Do you want something, Brittany?" she tried, keeping her voice low, even, despite her nervousness at Brittany's unusual behavior. "We're going to be late for Glee if we don't hurry."

Brittany made no effort to move aside.

"You're upsetting Santana," she said flatly, dropping the arm she had put up but nevertheless keeping her body in between Adriana and her ability to exit the hallway. "Her feelings are soft and delicate even when her words are vicious, and I don't like it when Santana is sad. You're making Santana sad, and I want to know why."

Adriana blinked, thrown by the other girl's directness. Those were pretty much the last words she had expected to hear, although she knew with a pang of guilt as soon as Brittany spoke them that they were true. Licking her lips, she averted her gaze, trying to shrug it off.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Adriana said, knowing even as she did that she had never been convincing in lying. She was sure from the sudden heat in her face and from the quickened beats of her heart that she looked as guilty as she felt. Even someone like Brittany would be able to know that she was not truthful. "Santana isn't upset or sad, she's fine. She got a ride with you to school this morning and I'm sure she was laughing and making fun of people the whole way."

"She got a ride with me because she didn't want to sit beside you on the bus, and she didn't want other people to make fun of her or you and say that you must be fighting if she didn't," Brittany corrected her bluntly, her voice taking on a bit of an edge that made Adriana look up in surprise. Brittany showing even a small hint of anger was something that was almost surreal to her. "And she wasn't laughing and making fun. She was sitting there very quiet and sad and even though she didn't cry I could tell that she wanted to. And that's because of you, Adriana. She's sad because of you."

Adriana didn't know what to say to that. If that was true, and she couldn't think of a good reason why Brittany would lie about it, then that meant that her efforts to shield Santana from hurt were only damaging their relationship and causing her hurt anyway. She had known this, or at least suspected it, as much as she tried not to think about it, but to hear Brittany come out and say it in that near accusing way made it feel much worse to her to be aware of.

But Santana just didn't understand. If she knew what was really going on, she would know that Adriana was doing this not to pull away from her or to distrust her, but because she loved her and wanted her to be happy.

But Brittany was saying she was unhappy…and Adriana knew it too, even without her telling her. She could see it in the way that Santana had started spending even more time out of the house, how she avoided touching her when they passed in the halls or making eye contact. Her sister was hurt, and knowing this was the case hurt Adriana too.

"You don't keep secrets from people you love, Adriana," Brittany said firmly when Adriana didn't reply right away. "And if you do, it's because it's a surprise that will make them feel good. Not because you're scared, or because you want to get back at them or make them hurt. Or because you want to keep from hurting their feelings. Secrets don't keep people close to you. They just tear you apart."

She paused, then added with a layer of meaning that made Adriana suck in her breath at the implication behind it, "I tell Santana that all the time. And I think she's starting to believe me. I think one day soon, she won't have any more secrets, and then maybe you can stop hurting her and let her know your secrets too."

She knew. Was it possible that Brittany knew- both about Santana, and about what had been happening to Adriana in her efforts to keep Santana's secret too?

Of course she did. Brittany and Santana were probably making out in the closets of any party they went to and writing each other sexts written entirely in some secret code. No doubt Brittany knew exactly how Santana felt for her and exactly why she wouldn't let anyone else know. And as for Adriana…well, Brittany was a cheerleader, and she did run with the popular crowd. If all of them were at least aware of the Facebook page and the notes, the threats and graffiti, if not directly responsible for some of it, then Brittany no doubt knew too. But didn't that mean she had her own secret then- one she was keeping from Santana? And wouldn't that mean that Brittany too felt like she was being torn apart from Santana by not telling her about her sister's ordeal?

Overwhelmed by the weight of all the pieces that were now clicking together for her, Adriana shook her head, hearing her voice choke when she finally replied.

"I hate secrets, Brittany, and I hate when Santana is hurt. But sometimes you just have to have them, if you want people to be safe."

"The safest place to be is surrounded by friends who understand and support you for exactly who you are," Brittany countered, holding Adriana's eyes with her own. "But they can't do that, when you won't be that person."

She maintained her gaze for a few more moments before stepping back, continuing with one last glance back at Adriana to Glee. When Adriana could remember to make her legs work again, she followed, feeling disconnected from her steps and her body and entirely lost in her own confused thought.

She didn't really try very hard to sing in Glee. She let the melody of the music wash over her as the others warmed up with scales, the music that had once filled her with eagerness and joy now unsettling and jarring to her ears. She remained nearly motionless throughout the rehearsal, and she found her thoughts coming to settle on her parents, on what she could remember of them, after all the years of their absence from her life.

What would her mother and father think of her, if they knew her today? Would they, like her abuela, think that her feelings towards Rachel were a sinful choice, a disease that she could choose to cure if she only tried hard enough? Would they want her to keep it quiet, something known only by close family, so as not to bring shame or embarrassment? Would they understand her motives for her silence? Would they wish for someone different, someone better, someone more normal?

She didn't remember much about them, but what she did remember with absolute clarity were the small moments that she had taken for granted in the past, but that seemed so special and almost magical for her to remember now. The times that their father had taken her and Santana outside to practice climbing trees or hitting a wiffle ball, the times that their mother had let them help her in the kitchen and lick the bowl and spoon. The way her mother had brushed their hair so patiently, her hands tender and gentle as she took care not to pull on the knots, and how their father had a special song he would sing when he gave them their baths. The way they never were angry at her when she dirtied her clothes or wet the bed, and they never screamed at Santana when she had hit Adriana or thrown a fit because she didn't get her way. The way they had called Santana Santanita and Adriana, Dri-Dri. But most of all, the way they had looked at them both with such love, as though they could never do anything to make it go away.

The more Santana remembered, the more she thought about it, the more certain she was. Her parents would not judge her or want to change her, not for being who she was. Even when she was three and four years old and scared of the dark, wetting the bed, and crying when they tried to go out for the night, they had accepted her, flaws and all; they had loved her and been proud of her, because she was their daughter. It had been the same with Santana. They had accepted Santana's thumb sucking and occasional outbursts of mean words, her tantrums and her tendency to get carsick, and they had been every bit as proud of her and loved her just as much as they had Adriana. Somehow, Adriana doubted that this would change just because they were older, and just because they happened to love people who were outside of the expected norm.

And if her parents would love her for who she was, and Santana for who Santana was, then would they really think it was right for Santana to hide it, and for Adriana to lie and take abuse thrown her way to help her do so?

More confused than ever, Adriana found herself frequently losing her place in the songs she was focusing on, brought to earth only by Rachel's occasional nudge and pointed finger at the right place in the music.

She knew what her parents would think, but that didn't mean she knew what they would want her to do.


	15. Chapter 15

"Do you even want to be in Glee anymore, Adriana?" Rachel demanded as she lingered behind Adriana's dawdling form in the choir room, taking hold of her elbow and drawing close. "Because I know you weren't really singing through much of the songs, and you lost your place many times, and you haven't even begun to memorize the correct harmony. I know you may be going through something, and whatever you tell me to the contrary I know that you are, I know something is wrong, but taking it into the choir room and letting it affect your Glee performance is really unacceptable."

She paused then, swallowing, before saying in a softer and more vulnerable tone, "If…if it's me, Adriana, if you are uncomfortable being with me, or around me, then please, I understand, and you can do whatever you need to…just please don't let it affect Glee. If you want to drop out, I will be sorry for it and miss you and your talent, but mostly you. And if you want to stay in Glee but you can't be with me, I understand, I do. Please just…something has to change."

As Adriana continued to walk, just outside the choir room in the school's halls, she was very aware of Rachel near her, waiting for her answer. But what answer could she give? She knew the girl was partly right. She was affecting Glee with her behavior. But she didn't want to lose Rachel or Glee, and she still couldn't let Rachel know the extent of what was going on and why she was putting up with it. What choice did she have?

"I'm sorry," she told her, exhaling. "I promise, I'll do better. I don't want to leave Glee and I want to be with you, Rachel, I promise. It's just…"

"Just what?" Rachel asked, stepping closer, her face near enough that if she leaned forward, Santana could have easily kissed her. "Please tell me, Adriana. Please."

She wanted to. The way Rachel was looking at her, with her eyes so soft, her lips slightly parted…and for a moment, Adriana was about to. She reached out to touch Rachel's shoulder, her fingers gripping gently, and she started to lean in.

But then a shock of cold came over her, starting with the top of her head and spreading fast down her neck and shoulders, her face and her chest, and Adriana gasped, eyes opening wide as her grip on Rachel tightened instinctively. Big mistake- opening her eyes to a cherry red slushy only meant that ice and cold, sticky liquid began to drip into them from her hair, and she sputtered and rubbed at her face frantically, trying to clear it. Just in front of her Rachel too was sputtering, blinking her shock at the damage her own face and clothes were undergoing, and Adriana's skin prickled as an all too familiar and taunting laugh sounded close behind her.

"Score! Double dyke dousing!"

It was Dave Karofsky, and from the sound of the laughter and hoots in response to him, there were others with him that Adriana couldn't bring herself to turn to see, both boys and girls. She gritted her chattering teeth, trying to pull herself together as her heart began to pound with a mix of anger and fear, and she barely felt Rachel's hand on her wrist, touching gingerly, as though she weren't sure Adriana would accept her touch at all.

"Come on…let's go clean up, just don't answer them. Just ignore them…"

"That's right, lesbos, time for your afternoon snack of pussy delight!" Adriana could hear Dave calling after them as Rachel half dragged her down the hall. "Just trying to give you some help, looked like you dykes could use a cold shower!"

"What the FUCK did you just say?"

At the second and even more familiar voice calling out loudly, Adriana stumbled, nearly tripping over Rachel's heel and causing the girl to yelp in pain as she too tried to keep from falling. She could hear the light yet rapid footsteps echoing down the hallway of someone who was obviously pushing her way fast through the crowd jeering in Adriana's direction, and Adriana knew without having to look that it was her sister speaking.

Her face going pale less with mortification than fear, she tugged at Rachel's arm, trying to get her to make a faster get away, as though somehow Santana would not notice fast enough what was happening to be able to put the pieces together. But Rachel was still rubbing at her ankle, and Santana was already up in Dave Karofsky's face, her much shorter and lighter frame nevertheless not hindering her from jabbing a finger at his nose, brows heavily slanted as she glowered up at him.

"What the fuck did I just hear you call my sister, Karofsky?"

It was the first time that Santana had ever really acknowledged her in the school more than with a passing slight nod, and certainly the first time she had done so in front of such a crowd and so directly. For this to be happening, and for Santana to be actually calling someone out on her behalf, something major was about to go down, and Adriana felt her legs so weak with fear.

She looked around to see that Santana had been accompanied by Brittany, Quinn, and two other cheerleaders, on their way to practice. Several football players were watching as well, having been present with Dave Karofsky, and all of them were taking in the action as though it were live entertainment. Dave, Adriana noticed, looked slightly uncomfortable at the audience, but he covered it quickly with a smirk, even as he crossed his arms over his chest, putting some distance between Santana and himself.

"I call things as I see them, Lopez." Looking her up and down deliberately, he added, "Lots of things come to my mind about you I could be saying."

The other boys snickered at this, appreciative, as Adriana watched her sister's face go red with her fury. She wanted to call out to her to stop, not to provoke the boy, but her sister would never listen once infuriated, and she jabbed a finger at Dave again, her voice loud and harsh.

"Yeah, well, I could call you a fucking lard ass with a hunk of cheese for a head and gravy filled hamhocks for arms and legs. Don't you ever call my sister what you just said about her again. Actually, don't even look or speak at her, you fucking understand me?"

Without waiting for a response to him, she turned to Adriana, who had wanted but was too afraid of what might happen that she wouldn't see to slink away from the scene entirely. Only then did she seem to notice the slushy remnants still dripping down her back and face, and her mouth dropped before she said to her almost as fiercely as she had addressed him, "Did he fucking slushy you?!"

"Santana," Adriana tried, her voice soft, almost pleading, but her sister was having none of it. Interrupting, she repeated even more loudly, "Adriana, is he the one that fucking did that to you?"

Adriana wouldn't answer her, nor could she meet her eyes. She could almost sense Rachel's desire to state the affirmative and reached back to squeeze her hand hard, stopping her. But although Rachel didn't reply, Brittany did, her voice quiet, but clear.

"Yes, he did. I saw him before you and Quinn had turned the corner all the way, Sanny."

Adriana closed her eyes, flinching in anticipation of her sister's reaction. When she dared to open them again, she saw that Santana was stalking towards her, one finger pointed behind her at Karofsky even as she didn't look back at him. "No me fucking gusta, Karofsky. Your ass is mine, and not the way you wish. Come on, Britt."

Brittany followed her without question, not even glancing backwards to the other cheerleaders. When Santana grabbed hold of Adriana's arm, heedless of the sticky liquid that could stain her cheerleading uniform, Quinn spoke up sharply, interrupting.

"We have practice, Santana, and you know what happens when you're late. You'll be lucky if Coach even lets you be in the next game."

"Fuck cheering, fuck games, fuck all of you," was Santana's reply, complete with an upraised middle finger in Quinn's direction. "This is my fucking sister, and I'm not about to stand back and let you fuck with her like this."

By now Adriana had lost count of how many "fucks" had been in Santana's last several sentences. She was too amazed by her sister's response to have the presence of mind to look back at Quinn's or the others' reactions; after all, she and Santana had been barely speaking the past several days. A part of her felt warm, cared for and protected, at her sister's reaction, but another part of her felt nothing but guilt and trepidation. What was going to happen now?

Rachel, however, almost having to jog to keep up with the cheerleaders' longer strides, had no such difficulty with looking back, and she reported what they were fast leaving behind breathlessly.

"Quinn looks very upset, in fact she has her hands in fists and her eyes are so narrow they are nearly closed. I haven't seen her so angry even when that rumor came out sophomore year about her being pregnant. David keeps swallowing and he looks very odd to me, almost like he's scared, wow, Santana, I think he actually is a bit frightened of you. Brett is-"

"I left the scene so I wouldn't have to see that shit, so mute on the unwanted subtitles, Berry," Santana snapped, and Rachel fell silent, concentrating on keeping up. For her part, Brittany was calm, almost expressionless as she reached out, taking a bit of the syrup on Adriana's arm and licking it.

"Yum, cherry."

Santana guided Adriana into the girl's bathroom with Brittany and Rachel trailing after her, Rachel and Adriana leaving slightly sticky red footprints in their wake. Santana barked a rather scary-sounding warning for the two girls standing in front of the mirror, and they quickly scattered, leaving the four to themselves. Muttering and still cursing under her breath, Santana wet a paper towel and began to wipe off Adriana's face with it, her touch gentle despite her harsh words.

"Fucking asshole, thinks he can just go around doing that to people and get away with it, no one's gonna do shit to him? Thinks he can do that to my sister? I'll fucking put one down his pants and maybe I'll make sure Ben Gay is in it too. Fuck…"

"Um, actually, Santana, the best way to clean after having an incident of this sort is to remove your clothing entirely so you can more properly cleanse your skin," Rachel piped up somewhat hesitantly from beside the twins, not yet making a move to clean herself off. "I would know, I have had considerable personal experience in the matter."

"Berry, I don't give a damn if you want to see my sister naked right now," Santana snapped, and Rachel put up both hands, as though to ward her off, even as Adriana spoke up finally.

"San, don't be like that to her. They got her too, and like she said, it's not the first time. Please, please try to calm down."

"Calm down? That asshole brutalized you with a slushy and then was calling you names!" Santana snapped, her eyes flashing even as she continued to scrub at her sister's skin. She didn't seem to notice or care that Brittany was quietly helping Rachel wash her hair in the sink. "Shit, this stuff sticks everywhere…is it like a chilled permanent marker or something? Adriana, how many fucking times has he talked to you like that? Why the hell didn't you say something about it?"

Adriana was quiet, her eyes on Rachel in the reflection of the mirror. She watched Rachel open her mouth as though to answer but start to sputter when the sink's water got in her mouth under Brittany's guiding hand. She was pretty sure Brittany had done that on purpose, as the blonde's eyes were watching Adriana's in the mirror too.

"I'm going to change…do you have your gym clothes or a change of clothes in your backpack or locker, San?" Adriana attempted to change the subject, as her sister nodded irritably in response.

"Yeah, just pull them out of my backpack. Damn, this stuff seriously does just soak through everything, you're gonna look like you killed someone until you can take a real bath."

Without Santana having to ask her to, Brittany retrieved the clothing in question and handed them to her. As Santana motioned impatiently for Adriana to strip down, Adriana hesitated, flushing slightly at the thought of doing so not only in front of Rachel, but Brittany too. But at her sister's impatient look, she steeled herself and began to remove the sodden clothing, even as she tried to avoid Rachel's equally embarrassed but unable to resister herself sideways looks.

What she hadn't counted on was for several of the notes from her locker that afternoon that she had stuffed into her pants pocket to fall out as she let the pants drop to the floor, right in front of her sister's feet. When Adriana gasped, unable to help herself, and made a move to retrieve them, Santana's brow furrowed, and she quickly kicked them out of her reach.

"What was that all about? What is that, why don't you want me to see? What, some gross sex thing from Berry, is this gonna burn out my eyes to look?"

Even as she scoffed she was walking towards the papers, obviously intending to investigate. Adriana gasped again, hurrying towards her even as she remained clad only in bra and underwear, not wanting her twin to see what she herself had not bothered to look at.

"Santana, don't, that's private. Santana-"

"I didn't send you any notes, Adriana," Rachel said curiously, pausing in her own efforts at cleaning herself to look up at her. "Why can't Santana see?"

"Santana-" Adriana's voice was weak now, knowing that everything was about to be revealed. All her efforts undone in one single afternoon. And now that Santana was finding out- along with Rachel and even Brittany- what was going to happen to her, and more importantly, to them? What would Santana do, what would be done to her in turn when she did it?

She watched the way her sister's eyes widened as she took in whatever terrible words or pictures had been addressed to Adriana, the way the rage quickly returned to completely change every aspect of her expression as she turned back to her. Every muscle in her body was drawn up with tension, and she was literally shaking with her emotional response. Adriana swallowed, feeling terrible as she saw actual tears come to her sister's eyes, and she could not be sure if they were of only anger, of hurt, or of grief for her. Whatever it was Santana was feeling, it made Adriana's own eyes tear up automatically in response.

"Babe?" Brittany asked softly, abandoning Rachel to go to Santana. She stroked back the smaller girl's hair, wrapping her arms around her from behind, and lay a gentle kiss to her temple before resting her chin on her shoulder, trying to read the note from behind her. "Honey, what's wrong, what is it?"

As Adriana's eyes flicked between the two and Rachel, she saw Rachel's forehead creased with confusion, her eyes going wide first with surprise, then startled realization as she took in the rather intimate positioning of the other girls. Her mouth opened, then closed, and she quickly averted her gaze to Adriana.

Santana's voice was shaking, and she entwined her fingers instinctively with Brittany's when she spoke to Adriana, much more hurt than anger in her tone. "Who gave this to you, Adriana? And how long has this been going on?"

There was no point in trying to play it off any longer. Santana had witnessed Dave Karofsky harassing her twice now, had heard his words to her with her own ears, and now she had read some of the notes as well. It would be only a matter of time before she found the Facebook page, or someone else going after her. Adriana had done her best for as long as she could, but all her efforts were coming to nothing now.


	16. Chapter 16

Her stomach growled with her unease as she busied herself dressing, not caring now about the continued stickiness of her skin against the clean clothing. She wasn't about to have this conversation in a position that made her even more vulnerable.

"I don't know who wrote it, San," she said finally, her words barely above a whisper. "It's different handwriting most of the time. I think it's more than one person."

"More than one person?!" Santana's voice rose to a near shriek, and as Brittany shushed her, still stroking her fingers through her hair, Adriana saw one of the tears standing in her sister's eyes overflow. "You mean people have been writing this shit about you, not even having the fucking guts to say it to you face to face or sign their name, and you've just kept it to yourself?! Like it doesn't even matter?! Like you don't deserve any better?!"

"Adriana?" Rachel was speaking up too, her voice softer than Santana's, but her dark eyes were searching, every bit as hurt. "Is that true? Why…why didn't you tell me?"

All of them were looking at her, Brittany too, even as she continued to rub Santana's arms and occasionally kiss her head. They were looking at her, focused on her alone, giving her all the attention towards this that Adriana had never wanted. She could feel a tremor run through her legs, her lips tremble with her own sudden struggle against tears. She tried to breathe, to push back yet again all the emotions she had been keeping for so long to herself, to choose carefully all the words she had swallowed down. But it couldn't' be done anymore. Not with her sister's anger and tears, with Brittany's careful, watchful gaze, the sense of judgment in the set of her mouth. But most of all, not with the disappointment that Rachel was casting her way, the feeling that she had somehow not been enough for her, that she had in some way let Adriana down.

It was too much, too much after so long, and Adriana felt herself break with it. Her shoulders stooped forward, her chest feeling so heavy with pressure it seemed on the verge of caving in, and the words burst from her along with a quick rush of tears.

"I couldn't tell you! I couldn't tell any of you! I didn't want you to know, I didn't want you to see and think that I couldn't handle this myself, that I needed you to help me or protect me! I'm always too weak, I'm always not good enough or strong enough to stop this from happening, to keep it from being me, and I didn't want to see the way that you would look at me or know what you thought, that I'm the victim again, that I'm pitiful, that there's something people see in me that's so wrong and terrible to them that they feel okay about doing this! And I couldn't let it happen to you, any of you! I couldn't let you feel this way, or have people say those things or think those things about you! Not you, Rachel, just because you chose me, and Santana, not you, because-"

Here she stopped, barely able to keep herself from betraying Santana's secret, even if every person in the room had already figured it out on their own. She saw Santana's lips part, her face slackening with her realization, even as Adriana continued, her voice breaking up with her tears.

"I wanted to protect you, Sanny. And Rachel. I…I thought I could keep this on me, and it would never reach you at all. I thought it was better if it was me. I thought…"

She couldn't continue. She didn't know what else to say, how else she could make them understand. And now it was all for nothing; she felt she had failed, even in this.

She saw through blurred vision as Rachel came forward, wrapping her own arms tightly around her and burying her face against her shoulder. She could feel Rachel's heart beating quickly against her skin and slowly closed her arms around her, taking some comfort in her grasp. She heard Rachel whisper that she was sorry, felt sticky tears seep through steadily staining clothes, and she closed her eyes, soaking this in.

She didn't think her sister would approach her, and she didn't, at first. But then she heard her speak, her words soft, but determined.

"You did this…you let this be done to you…because of me. Because…you let yourself be hurt, you let them treat you like you were nothing, so they wouldn't do that to me. Because I…"

Her voice faltered, and Adriana saw her lift her chin, flexing her hands unconsciously at her sides before she continued. "Because I wasn't brave enough to dare them to try. Because I wasn't as brave as you are."

Brave. That was a new way of thinking about herself, a word that Adriana would have never thought to be accurate. Santana was the one, when they were children, who had defied their abuela when Adriana wouldn't dare. Santana was the one who had tantrums and got herself slapped or put in the corner when she was upset, the one who took their abuela's disdain without a word. Santana was the one who tried out for cheerleading, who inserted herself into the popular crowd, the one who had always protected herself and Adriana too with venomous words and sometimes her fists. It was Santana's bed that Adriana had crawled into for comfort in the night, growing up, and Santana she had half hidden behind, letting her step forward to do the talking and make most of the decisions. She had considered herself the little sister in every sense of the word, and for the most part, she had been content to let this be. Why should she try to be anything different than the way things had always been?

And yet in the past few months, Adriana had pushed herself more than she ever had before. She had struck out on her own, trying for happiness, for a relationship, knowing that it couldn't exist within the confines of her stifling home, even though this had not ended well. She had tried again, by joining Glee, and even pushed for Santana to join too. She had tried with Rachel, as scary as that was, and when Santana refused to join her efforts, she had done everything she could to protect her sister's choice, putting herself at risk to let her have her feelings of safety.

She had not thought of any of this as brave, nor had she thought of Santana's fear as a lack of bravery on her part. But there she was, looking her in the eye now and calling her brave with serious tone and respectful expression, and for the first time, Adriana realized that this was true.

"You're brave, Adri," Santana said softly, flicking the last remaining tear off her cheek as she took a breath, pulling her shoulders up to her full height. "But that doesn't mean you're right. You never should have taken this shit off of them, not off anyone, not for anyone. Not even me. And I'm not going to let you anymore."

"Nope," Brittany agreed, nodding, and Rachel too spoke up, pulling back from Adriana just enough to look at her closely even as she continued to hold onto her.

"They are right, Adriana, they truly are. What has been happening is completely unacceptable and could in fact be considered a hate crime. Although our school does turn a blind eye to teasing and slushies they certainly would do something about repeated notes of harassment, and certainly someone who lays their hands on you or makes threats against you. I understand that you do not want a reputation as a tattletale or for the same to occur to myself or to Santana, but I assure you, the both of us can take care of ourselves and no one will injure us or send us disrespectful notes without us reporting it immediately. Right, Santana?"

"Or just kicking their asses," Santana countered, even as Brittany corrected her.

"Violence is wrong, honey. You know how I feel about that. But well timed rumors that may or may not be true, I have no opinion against those, and they can be just as satisfying."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Adriana said softly, biting her lower lip as she looked between the other girls. "What they're going to say about you…about Santana."

She focused on her sister, watching the conflicted emotions pass over Santana's eyes. Understanding, anger, guilt, fear…so much fear. She could see Brittany looking at Santana too, slowly rubbing her arm, but the blonde said nothing, letting Santana process this in her own time. Rachel too remained silent, although Adriana could see in her expression that she was bursting with all the words she wanted to say. Finally Santana gave a long, shaky exhalation, and she took a step away from Brittany, gently shrugging her hands off of her. She met her twin's mirroring gaze, then slowly reached out a hand, waiting for Adriana's fingers to grasp hers.

"Well, you can stop worrying now. 'Cause I'm gonna give them one last threat to hold up against you. Starting now."

Adriana blinked, not sure what exactly her sister was telling her. She opened her mouth to ask, but Santana interrupted, holding up one hand as though to halt any further words from coming.

"You're right, Adri. I'm not happy, doing shit like I've been doing. Letting everyone else tell me who I have to be and who I'm supposed to love, when all along I've had the best girl in the world right here, loving me. What the hell am I waiting for? Being with Brittany, it's so amazing that there is nothing they can do or say that's going to take away from that. Who the hell cares what anyone thinks, anyone but Brittany or you? They're all just going to be sick that they can't have her."

She squeezed Adriana's hand, her voice soft but intense as she concluded. "I'm tired of the games, Adri. I'm tired of looking over my shoulder and eating myself alive trying to figure out who I should be, and I don't want you to do it too. You're amazing just like you are, even if you are the biggest dork in the world and you obviously need both your eyes and your ears checked if you actually do want to get all up on Gaychel Berry. But if that's what makes you happy, even if I'm never going to understand why, exactly, then I'm happy too. And I want to be happy. Brittany makes me happy. So why the hell should either of us let everyone less awesome and hot than we are order us around?"

Rachel, now toweling her hair the best she could with a paper towel, smiled uncertainly at Santana's less than glowing description of her. "Um…thank you, Santana. I suppose. Although I could have said that in a more tactful manner, I agree. You are amazing, Adriana, and I am so very lucky that you would choose to lend your presence and your heart to me. And Santana, well, you are a talented and attractive girl, even if you do use your words much more harshly than I think is quite necessary, and you too deserve to be able to be true to your feelings and have someone who appreciates all your best qualities and accepts you."

"Preach," Brittany agreed, giving a little fist pump and nod. "Except Rachel can cut out about 200 of the words so normal person ears don't have to start tuning her out and humming instead."

Her hand still grasping Adriana's, Santana leaned in abruptly and hugged her with all the fierceness that came with Santana Lopez emotions, with Santana Lopez expressions of love that were often rare, but always from deep within her heart. Adriana hugged her back, closing her eyes and basking within the feelings of warmth, pride, and deep gratitude, not just for Santana, but for Rachel, even for Brittany, for all the support and understanding that they provided.

Whatever was going to happen now would be scary. There would no doubt be continued hurt and harassment, and the struggle she had been undergoing, though it might die down, would almost certainly never end completely. But she had her sister's support and renewed union with herself, she had Brittany, and above all, she had Rachel. With the four of them joining forces, what could ever bring them down for good?

"Oh my god," Rachel started to bubble over, giving an excited clap of her hands as she beamed with her excitement. "This is amazing! This really is like one of the moments of epiphany in the very best of musicals, and you know, it makes me think of the exactly right song for this occasion-"

"Save it for Glee practice, Elfling," Santana interrupted, and when Rachel blinked, Santana sighed aloud, giving a shrug. "If I'm gonna be all out and proud I might as well join the dork squad, all out. I can't leave my girl all by herself in there, Berry, I mean, you see her in those cheer skirts. How are you gonna be able to contain yourself once she starts getting her groove on?"

Adriana barely took in Rachel's high pitched squeal of triumph, or Brittany's quieter grin of pride. She had eyes only for her sister, for the small, uncertain, but still determined little smile, only slightly curving her sister's lips but still reaching her eyes.

She knew that in moments the four of them would join hands and march out of the bathroom, her hair and Rachel's still somewhat clumpy with red coloring of the slushy, and face any lingering bullies that had waited for them to emerge for another round of cruel actions or words. She could almost see Santana's chin tilted up in determination, could hear her sister's words, defiant but proud, as she proclaimed, hands clasped with both Adriana and Brittany, that everything they called her sister could be said of her as well, and she wasn't even a little bit ashamed. She could envision Brittany standing tall in support of her, just behind Santana not out of shyness or fear, but ready to protect or give comfort, whatever Santana required- just as Adriana was sure, even now, that Brittany would do for her sister always. And she knew that she would stand tall too, shoulder to shoulder with her sister, fingers tightly clasping Rachel's hand, and she would never again, in the days to come, stop herself from taking it when they walked the halls.

All of this was to come, but for now, Adriana just took in the happy faces of the other girls around her, feeling the love and support of them all, for her, for each other, and she too, smiled.

Brave. It was a word to describe them all.

End


End file.
